The Narcissistic Smirk
I had read that there was this phenomenon called a narcissistic smirk and for the longest time I was skeptical over the concept as it sounded just like a petty ex complaining to me. I take that back now though as I have discovered that it is a real reaction that they will have.
A narcissistic smirk does indeed occur when a narcissist triggers a reaction out of you. I would never have really believed it prior to seeing it for myself, but indeed this is a real phenomenon and this short article will explain why it occurs.
Basically, when a narcissist is bored and they decide they need to stir up some drama in order to make that existential angst disappear — they will start to pick at you.
They have a goal to not allow themselves to become upset while at the same time the finish line is to trigger you into reacting. They may act upset and they may cry, whine and yell but the fact is they are in complete control of themselves.
Think of the game as an adult version of what a little kid will to get your attention. They’ll be bad in order to get you to yell at them. They are after your attention and in this instance, they want it to be negative attention.
It is important to recognize that these are the rules of engagement and this is the sole purpose of what they are doing. If you understand that then you can work on not giving it to them.
If you manage to deny them the satisfaction of your reaction then you can count on playing this game whenever they are bored or whenever they feel they need to exert some dominance over someone to feel like they are in control and superior.
In order to begin this, fight the narcissist will fabricate a reason as to why they are mad. Out of nowhere they will start that you will have done them some grievous wrong that threatened their self-esteem or threatened their reputation etc. whatever reason they give for their griping it very likely has no substance to it and is truly just being used as a method of attack.
Due to the nature of the accusations, you will start to defend yourself and they continue to tell you how you’ve been so harmful to them. They will use a lot of polarizing wording which makes you feel like you as a whole are a terrible person.
There will be a point where you inevitably snap and you will raise your voice or say something emotional and sharp. In this moment you will see them laugh, get happy, or just flash a quick smirk across their face.
They just won. Their little game they were playing in their head — had the objective of you snapping angrily at them. This proved that they had the control over you to turn your happy mood into an angry one so therefor they are superior.
They just showed themselves that they are in control of you by making you react. They changed your mood and affected your day simply by talking. The power that they wield is a marvel.
The real marvel is that this maladaptive process is a real thing and it comes from a place that you will never truly understand as you truly have no frame of reference or value system which incorporates manufactured attacks of the person you care about so that you can have an ego boost. It's all about control.
Welcome to the mind of the toxic.