The Sad Truth About Loving An Emotionally Insensitive Partner

And 3 rules to ending your frustration if you’re already hooked up with such a partner.

Usually, the initial stage of every relationship is Romeo and Juliet. Both partners shower each other with love.

Call in the morning asking if your night was as pretty as you; write you a sexty message before you go to bed; send you pictures when dressed up for a wedding or after getting ready for work. And other nice things your partner did while you guys were just starting.

This Romeo and Juliet phase happens both with your ideal partner and the emotionally insensitive partner.

That means it is impossible to identify an emotionally insensitive person at the start of a relationship. Else, many of us would have saved ourselves the agony of heartbreaks and wasted years.

The characteristic features of being with an emotionally insensitive partner are very typical:

• Trying too hard to feel loved. Romantic words like “I love you,” “I miss you, today.” Those are not what they are used to saying. And even when they say it, you can notice it is deficient of emotions — the very ingredient that makes those words felt.
• Always being the one to apologize. And not just only when you are at fault. Emotionally insensitive people or partners who are insensitive in a relationship, a disagreement with their better half doesn’t really bother them if at all. The feeling of their partner is not a priority to them, and so not talking feels normal and cool. They are not attached. And therefore, moving on comes naturally.
• Frustrated with having to remind them of birthdays, anniversaries, and other important dates. Because they are not into the relationship, the things lovers do together rarely come up in their priorities list. So having to remind them is the only way to wake them from their slumber to romance — for a brief period. When that day passes, they return to their slumber.

If your experience with your partner follows that pattern, I’m sorry to tell you this, you’re in with an emotionally insensitive person.

But You Need to Know This, Too

Emotional insensitivity is in degrees. If your partner tells you he or she loves you, but without emotion or sincerity, that’s quite mild. You can fill the deficient ingredient with your imagination. He’s probably faking it until he can really say it with emotions and sincerity.

That’s quite plausible. A little assistance here and there will fast forward his progress. Make him watch romantic movies with you. Get him romantic novels, and books. Send him a romantic GIF once in a while.

Here is why: The eyes and ears are the only windows to the mind. If you strategically feed his mind with romance, soon he will become more romantic.

Proceed With Caution, If You Must, When Your Partner Is Like My Ex

We started dating in my 4th year in medical school.

A very pretty, tall, and attractive from a distance. That was what attracted me in the first place.

As with all beginnings, it was sweet and promising. Shortly after, I was struggling. It seemed as though I was the only one in the relationship:

• She doesn’t reply to my message until after few hours (even while online). If you ask, the only excuse might just be she was too tired to type.
• She never told me she loved me. I can count with my fingers how many nights I didn’t send her a midnight text. I thought she was going to change. The day I asked her, she told me she was not used to saying those words, not just to me but to anyone.
• A breach in communication doesn’t affect her a bit. I limited my calls hoping she will ask me. The next time I called. I asked her why she didn’t even bother to ask what it probably was that I didn’t call for such a long period. Here is the answer she gave: giving each other space is very important. I thought that was why you didn’t call so I decided not to disturb you.

Being an emotionally sensitive person, the relationship wasn’t healthy for me. That wasn’t the kind of person I want to spend the rest of my life with. So I resolved to find a way to end my frustration.

The 3 Rules to Ending Frustration In A Relationship With Emotionally Insensitive Partner.

Rule 1: Find out if the love is actually there.

I ask if she truly loved me. She said yes. According to her, if she didn’t, she would have turned down my request to date her.

You need to confirm the love. Ask your partner if he or she loves you. It is a simple yes and no question.

It is so important that even Jesus Christ asked Peter, his disciple:

“Simon son of John, do you love me more than these?” — Jesus Christ.

Rule 2: Tell him/her exactly how you feel.

I told my ex I couldn’t feel her love.

Like some people, your partner is probably unaware of their shortcomings in showing you love. So let him into that reality. If he doesn’t know, he will see no reason to improve.

It is unwise to be satisfied that your partner loves you simply because they said so.

True love is felt, not heard. It is not just in words, actions justify love by making it felt. If you can’t feel it, chances are it is not there.

Rule 3: Ask him if he is willing to change. And then take the corresponding action.

If your partner guarantees that he is going to work on it, it shows that he values you in his life. Then you both should work out things.

If he is indifferent and defensive, quit the relationship. It is for your good. You can be friends, but that is not the partner to spend the rest of your life with.

Cry if you may but never forget this: A broken relationship is better than a broken marriage.

Break up and move on. It shows how much you love your life.

Final thoughts

I see people who put in a lot of effort to revive an already dysfunctional relationship. Sometimes, advising them seems to make you seem like an enemy. Until finally despite their effort and inducement, the leopard can’t change its skin.

Basically, people are who they are. You can’t really change anyone. Some people can’t change. Trust me. Those who do, have the potential to change.

I agree with the advice that says, “You find good people. You can’t make anybody good.”

If you find out he is emotionally insensitive, just follow the 3 step rule and take action accordingly.

Never forget: A broken relationship is better than a broken marriage.