The Naked Traveler

Positively overthinking the obvious

I was running a bit behind as I entered the double doors of the Airport. Dripping wet in a cotton sweatshirt, I came unprepared for the rain. I found the pre-check kiosk and entered the pertinent information. It spits out a boarding pass but should have printed Bag Tags.

I realized in my haste that my Frequent Flyer miles were missing from my check-in. I dripped puddles of moisture onto the polished tile floor. The rain had been fierce in my short run up the path, and I now stood huddled in front of the Alaska Airline Attendant.

As requested, I gave her my Identification and best smile as I dripped water on the desk. She said, “Place your luggage on the counter” so she could check my bag. I did as I was told and expected her to send me to security.

To my surprise, she said I was six pounds overweight. I felt ashamed and disheartened. All that time spent in the gym and dieting wasn’t working. I was deep in crushing guilt when she said maybe I could take some things off and I would be underweight.

I beamed, I glowed, and I reveled in wonderment. The rain had soaked me, and my clothes added at least six extra pounds. As the attendant stared at her screen, pondering the computer requirements, I quickly removed my clothes. I was soaked all the way down to my underwear and felt a cold chill standing there in my boxer briefs.

I picked up the wet clothes and figured this was six pounds. The line of people behind me started giggling. I was back to being embarrassed, crushed, and humiliated, and I wanted to move on to security quickly.

I turned bright red as the giggle turned into a crescendo of laughter. The attendant looked up at the line trying to figure out what was so funny. Then she turned to me, standing there in all my glory, and said, “Sir, I meant your luggage was too heavy, not you.”

It was humiliating at best, but I looked on the bright side; the clothes in my luggage were warm and dry. I got the last laugh. All is well that ends well, but the process was a little scrambled.

*** This is a fictional story but based on an actual event. My bag was overweight.