The Multi-Facet of Guilt in Our Life
Don’t be that guy, become the solution
A friend’s question about healing guilt triggered me to investigate the meaning of guilt and its impact on our lives, and I stumble into those types as the predominant version of guilt.
- Reactive guilt
- Anticipatory guilt
- Existential guilt
- Maladaptive guilt
- Adaptive or pro-social guilt
They are fascinating to know, and we easily confuse them because of how they can change form and affect our behavior after carrying those types of guilt for a while.
I mean, they become anger, resentment, hatred, envy, or anything negative we don’t want to have in our lives.
The empowering question that comes from that investigation leads me to ask, “ How can we recognize the emotion of guilt in us and others to heal it?”
The findings
Simplifying complexity to a simple a practical way to use to my advantage is my strong suit. This post is about sharing what we found that can be useful to our growth.
There are two types of guilts, and they are easy to confuse or even recognize. One brings peace and the other destruction.
I will call them Guilt 1 and Guilt 2.
Before sharing the insight, you might be wondering why you would be interested in reading and learning about guilt. Well, because those two types of Guilts rule our life, and if you are not aware of how they operate in your life, you might let them rule you.
There are other types like those mentioned above, but Guilt 1 and Guilt 2 needs to be understood and recognized to evolve spiritually.
For practicality’s sake, calling them 1 and 2 will make it easier for you to spot them in your life and the life of others.
Guilt 1: is all about preserving the common understanding that humanity decided to agree upon to live in harmony within a comfortable upward societal moral — In short, it’s the guilt that makes you not do bad things that will arm you and others — The good one.
Guilt 2: affects your body to a degree in which it will make you overact to simple argument, make you feel ashamed about thoughts you deem harmful, or lead you to commit acts of destructive nature to you or others. It is the one we commonly know as the Evil One.
How do you recognize 1 and 2
How to recognize which one you have in you? You monitor how each one makes you feel. Guilt 1 is ephemeral and pushes you to think with good intentions when you are about to do something, while with Guilt 2, you carry it as a belief that leads to wrongful action or a body illness.
To spot which one you have, analyze your guilt — If you take a rapid decision before acting it, that’s Guilt 1, but if you have a pang of regret that stays in your head for some time or years, that is guilt 2.
Guilt 1 will make you feel uncomfortable about throwing trashes in the street because you feel like you should keep the road clean. You want to also contribute as a good neighbor by becoming an excellent example to follow. Guilt 1 will make you conform to an agreed way of living among your community and toward other humans. We all have it in us by default because it comes naturally.
Another example, we agree to stop at a red light for our safety and others. This guilt makes us act good for ourselves and our images toward our well-being and others. Unless you live in the remote part of the world alone, you follow this type of guilt if you live with other people. It is a healthy one to cultivate as it will bring harmony around us and the others.
Guilt 2 is a self-ticking bomb, and it is radioactive. It primarily does two things to anyone carrying it in their life. It will explode, and people can easily be affected by it. Or if you have a trauma and cannot heal it fast, every time it affects your relationship — Casual or Romantic, it will increase your pain and start another trauma to the other person. It is in his nature.
Just like the story of the scorpion and the frog trying to cross and dangerous rive, the scorpion promises not to attack the frog because if it does it when they are crossing, they will both drawn. And for this reason, the frog trusted the scorpion to behave well while there are crossing. The scorpion, unable to resist its nature, still attacked the frog while crossing, and they both drawn.
The physical and mental pain explains the radioactive nature Guilt 2 will inflict on your physical body, which usually manifests with chronic illness. Too much guilt in you will get you sick fast.
Have you ever seen someone’s guilt make him or her go mad or angry to the point of arming oneself and others? Guilt makes you start a war because of a stupid disagreement. It makes you arm someone you love by clouding the facts. It makes people fight to be right on an argument; even if being right will destroy the harmony both should be maintaining. Furthermore, it will make you hide the secret without considering how much it will arm others the longer it is hidden. It is what our world calls Evil.
Why knowing the difference is essential.
To know the difference between both is to elevate yourself to the rank of wise among the wisest. Your level of discernment will allow you to heal all possible guilt that is detrimental to your well-being and others by allowing you to see the real motive behind your actions and others.
Imagine discerning the guilty feelings that cause any misunderstanding you can have with others. Imagine sitting in front of the TV listening to someone talk, and you identify the guilt from his speech by feeling it. No one will be foul anymore; we will heal ourselves and others by practicing compassion which is the other side of guilt.
When you understand why someone is doing you wrong, you empathize with the person. It’s in the absence of understanding that we disagree.
Someone who has a lot of compassion has reached a level of understanding that can only do good to himself and others. Kindness is in all of us, and it is part of our default existential makeup. If you understand life, you know it is made from complex challenges designed to teach and guides us.
This post’s value is to discern guilt-driven emotion and action in ourselves and others. Then build a better, peaceful, and harmonious human experience. Guilt is everywhere, and we carried it without knowing how it affects our internal, mental, physical, and external reality. Let’s be aware of how it does it and change for the better.
Please pay attention to what you listen, watch, or do at every moment without judgment and feel the emotion it naturally brings to you. In some spiritual practice, it’s called being in the “witness state.” Great negotiators, peacemakers, and humanitarian possess this innate ability. That is why they always want peace among people, no matter which side is right or wrong in the resolution process. Peace is their objective.
Remedy to your guilty feelings
Some of the external factors that cause guilt away from our mind are:
- Family
- Parents
- Culture
- Religious beliefs
- Society
If one of those external factors affects your life and creates a sense of guilt in you, please detach yourself emotionally. Still, deal with them, but do not relate, and consciously protect yourself from them. They are meant to trigger Guilt 1 in you, not Guilt 2.
When your guilt inspires you to change a bad behavior for a good one, then you will know it by how it feels. You will be excited to make the change.
When you can’t fix a situation that makes you feel guilty, forgive yourself first. No one will unless you do it first, and look for the answer.
To resolve a matter of guilt created from an action that you made mistakenly, seek help by talking about it. A therapist, a friend, a parent. By talking about it and owning your mistake you become receptive to be forgiven. If the person listening to you forgives you, then others will forgive you as well. It always starts with one before the others can come. Personally, I help a person come out of guilt by owning the feeling and seeing others' possibilities of resolution that they were blind to. When you see a promising future, hopes come in, and a path is found.
There are several ways to heal it, but those are the ones I could think of and found from my investigation. If you find more, please share as it can a source of knowledge for someone else was of coming out of guilt.
I leave you in peace and love, Go forth and rejoice.
Bonaventure Barry