The Movies That Made Me Bisexual

Oh, THAT’S why I liked that!

Sometimes, as LGBTQ+ people who came out later in life, we can look back at movies or TV and have a moment of realization. When we first watched it, we didn’t know why we liked it so much, but now, with hindsight, there is a deeper meaning there, a queer meaning.

When Nick in Heartstopper had his moment watching Pirates of the Caribbean, bisexuals from all over sighed in agreement. The Mummy and Pirates of the Caribbean are commonly known in online bisexual circles as movies that cause bisexual awakenings. I do find bisexual joy in watching them as well, but here are a few other movies that I look back on and go, “oh, that’s why I liked that!”

“A woman’s heart is a deep ocean of secrets.”

There was a time after watching Titanic when I was a bit obsessed with Leonardo DiCaprio. I pretended even to myself that there was nothing romantic or sexual in my interest, and honestly, my asexuality helped out with that lie. Since I felt nothing physically when I looked at him, I told myself I was too mature to have a crush on an actor. Spoiler: I was not as mature as I thought I was.

I didn’t appear to have anything in common with Rose in film. I grew up in a very poor family and my parents never expected I would marry anyone I didn’t choose myself. But somehow, I identified with her anyway. Looking back now, I can see that I felt trapped in my heteronormative world as she felt trapped in society.

“You remind me of the babe.”

Like Leonardo DiCaprio in Titanic, David Bowie in Labyrinth bewitched me with his androgynous beauty. But, did I want to be Sarah or was I bewitched by her as well?

As an older sister of little boys, I did identify strongly with Sarah. No matter how much they annoyed me, I knew that I too would brave much to save my brothers. Now, though, I look back at that scene at the ball, and I was definitely into both Jareth and Sarah. That scene lived in my head rent free for a very long time. I mean, she was stunning in that dress.

I hadn’t listened to any of Bowie’s music before watching this movie when I was very young and, even after, I didn’t really get into his music for years. But I was enchanted by his portrayal of the Goblin King Jareth. I remember saying that he was an example of my favourite type of villain at the time: the villain who can seduce you with his beauty.

“As you wish.”

I was obsessed with The Princess Bride long before it became a fount of Internet memes. I even dressed as the Dread Pirate Roberts for a costume party at summer camp once. Everyone thought I was Zorro. Not to be an annoying hipster, but I loved this movie before it was cool.

I didn’t really understand it at the time, but I wanted to be Westley, to have adventures, to swashbuckle, to wear that awesome outfit, and to save the princess, and I also wanted to be Buttercup, to be desired for my beauty, to have the love of a handsome swordsman who would literally come back from the dead for me.

I was always into fairy tales and adventure stories, and The Princess Bride was both, while also something completely different. Just like me.

“To deny our own impulses is to deny the very thing that makes us human.”

The Matrix is known in LGBTQ+ circles for its application to trans experiences. In fact, the creators are on record saying it is a trans allegory. When I watched it back in 1999, however, I knew none of that. I was captivated by the science fiction and fantasy and the religious allegories. I wrote so many poems about Neo and how he was a “Christ figure” in the story.

Looking back, I was definitely crushing on Trinity as well. I have a thing for women who can kick my ass, but I didn’t know it then.

I was obsessed for quite a while with the trilogy. I even attended a screening of Revolutions dressed in a long black coat and chunky black ankle boots.

“I am no man!”

There aren’t many female characters in The Lord of the Rings but Éowyn was my favourite from the moment I read about her on the page, and Miranda Otto portrayed her onscreen with a pathos and strength that brought her alive to me. I thrilled at the moment where she reveals herself to the Witch King and then destroys him. I also loved her quieter scenes with her brother and her uncle, and with Aragorn.

Éowyn and Sam are my favourite characters, and it is for similar reasons. They are both gentle and often overlooked. They both stand in the shadows of more high-profile characters. They both have strength that isn’t readily apparent. They both have pivotal roles to play in the defeat of evil in the story. And, I crushed on both of them, though I had no idea back then.

When I was a kid, long before the Peter Jackson movies were even a concept, I named a cat of mine Éowyn. She has always been a favourite.

“I just think I need some time to figure this out.”

Watching Nick Nelson on Heartstopper brought all of this back to me. I have never identified so strongly with a character as I do with Nick.

Obviously, none of these movies or TV shows made me bisexual. I am bi and would be so if I had never watched these or anything. However, looking back on these experiences helps me understand who I am and always was. I am sure that some of you reading can relate to this in your own ways.

Esther learned to read when she was four years old, and began writing shortly thereafter. She is a queer Christian poet, crafting with words to create art and music.

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