The Movie That Saved Me from My Childhood

Why we should all have our heads in the clouds sometimes

Looking back on what was supposed to be my childhood, it is not easy to reproduce good memories because they’ve all been thrown into the mass grave of my mind.

One that has survived though was seeing the movie The Neverending Story at the cinema. That’s when I first realized that you can escape into movies to forget your reality. I enjoyed every bit and truly never wanted it to end.

I had put on my nicest clothes that day, something in red or pink because that’s what my Mum would always buy me. I guess that normalized us in her eye somehow. My parents used to work in a fish and chips shop and they would only ever have Mondays off. My mum worked hard but she would always make sure she’d take my sister and me somewhere since we were always stuck in the kitchen at the back of that shop.

Usually, we were stuck with my father who was sitting, smoking, and yelling orders at my mother who was cooking multiple burgers or steak sandwiches on the grill and taking orders from customers too.

One time he beat her up in front of a customer. He beat her badly because she kept the customer waiting too long before she took his order. The customer left, and my mother ran off into the back and out of the kitchen door. My father sat down and lit another cigarette, his face all fat and red with heavy breath like in the mafia films after they’d beaten someone to death.

I noticed another customer waiting for his food. I don’t know why he didn’t leave. I was never allowed to go near the cooker or the counter — not for safety reasons but because kids were not meant to be seen or heard in a business.

But that day I did.

I went out there and asked him what he had ordered; it was a Chiko Roll. I got the long-handled chip basket and fished it out somehow. I put it in a takeaway bag and gave it to him. In the movies that would have been the right thing to do. He took it without a word and left. I was about seven years old.

So, Mondays were our Sundays and I looked forward to them like normal people looked forward to Christmas. Not just because I could get out of that tiny kitchen with the greasy smell and small black and white TV that was turned down so low (in case it frightened customers he’d say) but because I could get away from him. I was so glad he never came with us. I didn’t want anything to ruin the movies for me. They were all I had that was good.

During The Neverending Story that day, I looked over at my mum for a millisecond so I wouldn’t miss a thing but just so I could see if she was enjoying it as much as me. She smiled through her rehearsed smile, the same sort she’d use on customers pretending everything was fine.

That could have been another reason I developed a love for film. Acting was in our beaten bones, we had a school photo smile ready on cue, at school and wherever we went and I would always imagine living the life of anyone but me.

In the movie, The Neverending Story, Bastian is a young boy whose mother died. His grades are not too good and his father tells him to get his head out of the clouds. He’s being bullied at school and he runs into a bookshop to escape the three kids chasing him. He steals a magical book and within is the story of an unearthly boy named Atreyu, who is on a quest to save Fantasia (a magical land) from vanishing.

As Bastian reads more, he realizes that the book is aware of him reading it. Eventually, he learns that the magical land within the book is another dimension encompassing all of the human imagination and only a human with creative ideas can save it. The film doesn’t so much break the Fourth Wall as it never really has one to begin with — which is a large part of the point.

The Nothing is the threat that is trying to destroy Fantasia and in the movie represents the neglect and forgotten hopes of Mankind’s universe. Atreyu has to save Fantasia from The Nothing and there is a big showdown with the servant of The Nothing (a pretty nasty wolf whom Atreyu defeats.) But then The Nothing unleashes one final and ultimate force to end Fantasia forever. Falkor the luckdragon, my favorite magical character in the movie, arrives shortly after to save the day.

The Nothing has a final attempt of trying to destroy Fantasia with meteorites. This is when Bastian realizes he is the only one who can save Fantasia and the Empress and when he calls out the Empress’ name the destruction comes to a halt. Falkor, the white luckdragon reappears and Bastian is seen flying on his back. They cross dimensions and go back to his world, to get revenge on the 3 bullies who had given Bastian problems in the beginning.

“Never give up, and good luck will find you.”

— Falkor, Neverending Story

Falkor was my friend and shadow who helped me fight The Nothing until the next Monday’s outing. I must have been 7 or 8 when I first saw the movie but I knew one day I would fly away like Bastian did, maybe not on a flying luckdragon but it helped me believe that I would find a way. When the beatings and my mum’s screams got worse, I’d lock myself in the bathroom until the screaming stopped so I wouldn’t be next. I would even imagine Falkor scaring him and making him run and lock himself in the toilet to escape instead.

We can all relate to bullying in some way. Maybe we have known someone who has been bullied, at school, or at work by a boss or coworker. Whatever the case, a great triumph over a bully story is something we like to cheer for, at the movies and in real life. Even bullies love these movies which leaves a lot to the imagination so to speak. It shows us that everyone has a hero inside them but some people need some help revealing that hero or even accepting he or she exists. I don’t know if that would have been true for my father. He never let anyone near him to find out.

Due to my violent upbringing, I suffered a number of serious nervous breakdowns which can be described as a rage against myself. I hated the world but more so I had a deep hatred for myself, thanks to him. I just wanted to be inside with the curtains drawn and left alone to my anxiety that would choke me like a starving fox to a hen. But I never bullied anyone and to this day I can’t hurt an ant. I knew I was one of the good guys, I had decided at a young age that I wanted to save the world. The fact I loved people more than myself was what got me through the breakdowns every single time.

Children are not supposed to be planning an escape from reality but I always dreamt of it. My supposed protector beat me regularly and I wet the bed from fear until I was thirteen. The abuse left me with a bad impression of the world for many years and worse, nobody to trust. Movies were a battle axe that carried me through life, not only to escape reality for a while but because I longed to feel a happy ending and was desperate to believe that it didn’t just happen in the movies. If it wasn’t for movies that helped cultivate my imagination, I don’t know how I would have survived.

All children need to have fantasy films in their life, not only abused children as it allows us to imagine a hope beyond our reality but at the same time form an attachment with it like a kid trying to catch a passing balloon knowing that it is within reach. The world we imagined for ourselves might be out of sight but all it takes is a passing Falkor and we can always get a lift there. We just have to trust that there are protectors like him. If we cannot trust anyone our lives are in for one difficult ride.