The Most Shocking Thing About My Dog’s DNA is That I Paid for It

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though, is that I paid for this information and expected it to be accurate. I’m surprised that I’m surprised.2) 25% Beagle Part beagle? Please. Who isn’t? For a breed that looks like it wouldn’t be able to fuck its way out of a paper sack, those long-eared lotharios get around. I watched one micro-hump the air in front of him for 15 minutes with nary a female in sight. Beagle feels like it came from a carnival psychic rather than a geneticist.3) 12.5% English Bulldog Bulldog? Bullshit! My dog has an overbite. Plus, bulldogs can’t even reproduce on their own. My cousin works at a vet’s office that specializes in bulldog artificial insemination and c-sections. She holds the males while a Veterinarian “collects the sperm.” The vet gets paid the big bucks to do it, too. Mo money, mo prob

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lems as the Notorious B.I.G. said.4) 12.5% Other I’m not saying I deserve better than this answer, nor do the people who stop me to ask, “what kind of mix is that?” I’m just wondering what the upper limit is in this category before you get a refund, not that I deserve that either. This kit should come with a “More $ Than Sense” t-shirt.Does it bother me that this DNA test cost twice as much as my dog’s adoption fee? Yes. Am I ashamed to have utilized DNA technology, which was supposed to save lives, on something so ridiculous? Yes. Would I like the hour back I spent researching “Best Dog DNA Kit?” Yes.Will I buy another so I can compare the results against this one? Amazon is delivering it tomorrow.After all, a fool and her money…</article></body>

The Most Shocking Thing About My Dog’s DNA Test is That I Paid for It

While my dog’s DNA results raised many questions, it definitively answered only one: I am that stupid. I guess you can’t argue with science or whatever the hell this is.

1) 50% Chow Chow My 17-pound, squatty, course-haired mutt being half Chow Chow is surprising, especially since I haven’t laid eyes on a chow since the early ’90s. What is truly mind-blowing, though, is that I paid for this information and expected it to be accurate. I’m surprised that I’m surprised.

2) 25% Beagle Part beagle? Please. Who isn’t? For a breed that looks like it wouldn’t be able to fuck its way out of a paper sack, those long-eared lotharios get around. I watched one micro-hump the air in front of him for 15 minutes with nary a female in sight. Beagle feels like it came from a carnival psychic rather than a geneticist.

3) 12.5% English Bulldog Bulldog? Bullshit! My dog has an overbite. Plus, bulldogs can’t even reproduce on their own. My cousin works at a vet’s office that specializes in bulldog artificial insemination and c-sections. She holds the males while a Veterinarian “collects the sperm.” The vet gets paid the big bucks to do it, too. Mo money, mo problems as the Notorious B.I.G. said.

4) 12.5% Other I’m not saying I deserve better than this answer, nor do the people who stop me to ask, “what kind of mix is that?” I’m just wondering what the upper limit is in this category before you get a refund, not that I deserve that either. This kit should come with a “More $ Than Sense” t-shirt.

Does it bother me that this DNA test cost twice as much as my dog’s adoption fee? Yes. Am I ashamed to have utilized DNA technology, which was supposed to save lives, on something so ridiculous? Yes. Would I like the hour back I spent researching “Best Dog DNA Kit?” Yes.

Will I buy another so I can compare the results against this one? Amazon is delivering it tomorrow.

After all, a fool and her money…