The Most Precious Gift you can Give your Partner. (Hint: It’s not a Glitter Box Full of Roses.)

Summary

The author of the article reflects on the realization that the most valuable gift one can offer their partner is self-love, not material possessions or grand gestures, emphasizing the importance of maintaining one's own identity and happiness in a relationship.

Abstract

The author recounts a personal experience of a seemingly perfect Valentine's Day date that ended in an unexpected breakup months later, leading to a profound shift in her perspective on love. She concludes that true love transcends fleeting expressions like gifts or words; instead, it's about cultivating self-love and self-worth. The author admits to past mistakes of losing herself in relationships, which resulted in a diminished sense of self and worth after breakups. She emphasizes that by prioritizing her own happiness and pursuits, she now offers her partner the best version of herself, which in turn benefits the relationship. The article serves as a reminder to maintain individuality, friendships, and personal aspirations, and to understand that one's happiness is not secondary to their partner's.

Opinions

Love is not defined by material gifts, sweet words, or physical intimacy, but by the ability to love oneself and maintain personal identity.
Losing oneself in a relationship can lead to a loss of self-worth and direction post-breakup.
It is crucial to balance togetherness with personal space in a relationship.
Prioritizing one's own happiness and ambitions is essential for the health and longevity of a relationship.
The author values the lessons learned from past relationships and views them as opportunities for personal growth and self-discovery.

Almost 15 years ago, my ex-boyfriend took me out on Valentine’s Day.

To say that the date was lovely would be an understatement; it was perfect.

I literally walked on a carpet of roses when I got out of the car that led me straight to our reserved table at the restaurant. Fast forward to five months later, he dumped me out of the blue.

That breakup has forever changed my view of Valentine’s Day. I have slowly realized that love isn’t about things, sweet words, or sex. What is said will be forgotten, the chocolate boxes will become empty, and the roses will eventually wither and die.

One thing will stay, though, and I’ve learned the hard way that it will always be the best gift I can give my partner on Valentine’s Day — and every day.

It’s self-love, because the truth is I’ve never genuinely loved myself.

I spent the entirety of my 20s jumping in and out of relationships and loving people who never really loved me back. Was it their fault? Was it mine? Was it “maktub” as Paulo Coelho wrote in The Alchemist? Whatever it was, some of it was on me.

I never really knew how to give my partners some room to breathe. I would get closer and closer to my partner while slowly moving away from my own center. Sometimes I would be so absorbed in the other person that I lose sight of my path altogether. Consequently, I almost always lost my way back after breakups. My center was nowhere to be seen and my self-worth was buried six feet under.

I lost myself in many relationships, more times than I care to admit. Sometimes I wish I could hop into a time machine and go back in time, not to win the other person back, but to win my dignity back.

Am I sad? No. I’m thankful. I have learned that loving and prioritizing myself every single day is the best thing I can ever give my partner. Now, I’m aware that when I give up parts of myself, I’m also indirectly giving up lots of other things that are vital to the health and longevity of my relationship.

The takeaway is clear: Don’t lose yourself.

Don’t stop spending time with your friends or family. Don’t give up on an ambition, purpose, or dream. Don’t think that your happiness doesn’t matter or that your needs aren’t important. Know when to be together and know when to create space.

If you are willing to keep your partner happy, you need to be happy first.

Happy Valentine’s Day.