The Most Important Lesson I Learned in My 20s

Realizing this lesson allowed me to be happier, healthier, and more successful.

The most important lesson I learned in my 20s was the ability to recognise what was most important between two seemingly equally important things. And I know, this is a very over-used statement:

“See the bigger picture and you will be happier.”

But being able to see the bigger picture allows you to choose what is going to be more valuable to you in the long run, and thus lead to more happiness and health.

If I could go back to the start of my 20s, I would tell myself to always consider the bigger picture and to not take everything so seriously. Anyone who knows me will know that I am obsessed with health, fitness, and success. I would often think that this thing, whether it be a workout routine, early bedtime, or diet, is the most important thing in my life, and I struggled to see anything else. No matter what, I must stick to this diet, this study routine, this bedtime, or else I will fail.

When I was out with friends, I would stress about being up late. I would feel as though this was the end of the world. I have failed, I’ve had one late night and now my dreams of a healthy life won’t come true.

Similarly, when I was experimenting with a certain diet, such as keto or paleo, I would stick to it even when I was out with friends and they were having pizza or pasta, or something else I was dying to have.

Other times, my obsession was success — doing everything possible to ensure a successful future. This included sticking to a rigid morning routine. If something came up that disrupted my morning routine, such as a rainy day or even someone talking to me in the middle of my routine, I would stress that I would be unable to achieve success. Completing my morning routine unhindered is the most important thing, is how I saw it.

I was so focused on achieving health and success and so fixated on doing something right, that sometimes I missed the bigger picture. But seeing the bigger picture is what is going to make your life healthier, happier, and more successful.

I wouldn’t understand that actually, missing this workout or having a piece of pizza, or staying up an hour later, would make me happier, healthier, and more successful in the long run. I would be so stressed about whatever it was I was trying to achieve, causing me to miss out on other experiences and opportunities.

This lesson was most helpful in the following situations.

Staying up an hour past my bedtime on nights when my partner and I are really connecting.

Some nights before my head has even hit the pillow, she asks if I’m ready for the light to be turned off. But other nights we lie there, side by side, and we get onto some topic and we just talk. We can talk forever. Things are clicking, we’re getting really deep into some topic (and usually with her, she’s got the relevant Wikipedia page up and is reading me the most interesting parts).

Talking like this in such a free and relaxed way about some random topic or famous person allows each one to understand the other on a much deeper level. Even though the topic has little relevance to our lives, we can toss around ideas and come to better understand how the other thinks and what their values are. And no matter how long you have been with someone, this is something that is invaluable.

But if I had said to her, “I’m sorry, but it’s 10 pm and I need to sleep now,” I would have missed this whole conversation. I would have missed the opportunity to understand her on a deeper level, and therefore I would have missed an opportunity to strengthen our relationship. Having this opportunity to strengthen our relationship will then strengthen the other parts of my life. I will be happier and therefore healthier because of it.

Sometimes, just moving my body is more important than exercise.

I recently wrote a story about what the coronavirus taught me about exercise, and essentially the whole story talks about the ways in which I have been able to see the bigger picture in regard to exercise, enabling me to make it more meaningful. I outline how moving my body is more meaningful and worthwhile than focusing on hitting the gym and counting reps, weights, and calories. I agree with Dr. Suhas Kshirsagar when he says:

“While it’s tempting to think of exercise solely as a means to fitness or weight loss, it’s really much more about making you feel alive in your body.”

I am a national representative athlete and compete at the World Championships each year, and so exercise has always been a very important and serious part of my life. Managing to see past the superficial weights and reps was a challenge. But once I was able to see the bigger picture, exercise became much less stressful and actually something really enjoyable. Exercise should always leave you feeling better than you did when you started, whether that be physically, mentally, or emotionally.

Spontaneously making chocolate, self-saucing pudding even though I don’t eat sugar.

Some nights you just suddenly crave something; all of a sudden, this is exactly the thing that will make an evening perfect. My partner and I were about to watch the Royal Ballet performance stream on YouTube (this was during the lockdown when big entertainment companies were doing free streams) and we decided we needed chocolate self-saucing pudding. We rushed to the kitchen and made this dessert, and it was both a bonding experience for us and happy memory. I still stress about sugar, but my partner’s motto is this:

“Sometimes, you need to eat the cookie.”

She’s good at reminding me that some things are more important and that it’s okay to eat junk food sometimes.

Travelling across Europe with my best friend even though I’m a poor student.

When my best friend suggested we go on a trip across Europe, I said yes. I was in the midst of my Master’s degree, I worked minimal hours at a part-time job, and I was still paying off my trip from the World Champs that year. But I knew that this trip was more important. I would find the money somewhere, and we would make it happen. We both strongly believe in the quote,

“Travel; your money will return. Your time won’t.”

This trip turned out to be the trip of a lifetime. Three weeks together, away from our normal lives, responsibilities, and the people we normally see, we were able to find ourselves. Traveling provides clarity; it forces you to see the bigger picture, to see what’s going well in your life and what isn’t. It teaches you mindfulness because every corner you turn is brand new. Every smell, every person, every sound is one you haven’t experienced before. You learn how to deal with adversity, how to be self-sufficient. The experiences I had on this trip and the self-development and discovery that occurred are infinitely more valuable to me than the money it cost.

Seeing the bigger picture is something I am still learning and working on, and I still experience these obsessions where it’s as if I have my blinders on and I can’t see anything else. Just the other day I got up early to do my morning routine, and actually went back to bed to sit with my partner while she slept. It didn’t feel right to be missing out on that time with her, even though she was asleep and even though I could have used that time to work towards my future health and success.

Actually, while going through the process of figuring out my most effective morning routine, I discovered that my favourite morning routine will always be waking her up with a cup of coffee. In the bigger picture, this extra half an hour I get with her and the ability to wake her up with a kind gesture which she thinks says “I love you” without words, will bring me more success, happiness, and better health in the long run.