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Abstract

g through my search history, I guarantee you boredom.There is no way in hell that all the beeping sounds coming from the crushed keyboard buttons don’t bother you. The “F” key is permanently stuck now because of your belly hanging on it too long, and it is my favorite letter.But what’s worse is me screaming from the bed, “ MOVE” while you side-eye me with little regard that it is dusk. Only people who work out wake up at dusk. The disrespect has to stop.Please don’t double-down on being an asshole by rolling over, indicating that on top of all the chaos and noise you created- at five a.m- you would like a belly rub. I didn’t get out of bed to do that.I’m still trying to get into the habit of closing my screen at night, but in the meantime, my laptop is not a chaise lounge, and the mouse is not your personal footstool.Unlike the keyboard, though, I love it when I wake up, and you are lounging on my face; but stretching and taking a shower on it is where I draw the line. I’m a feminist.Whe

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re did you get the courage to prance right up to my face, stretch a leg out 90- degrees, and lick your bum on it? Have some dignity.You have zero- self-awareness, and my face is not a shower curtain, me and my moneymaker have never been disrespected like this.Also, I would highly appreciate it if you stopped holding me hostage in my own home. Moving around my house doesn’t mean I have to feed you.I can't have a screaming match with you every time I get up on my feet. You know the feeding schedule.Finally, your entitlement is suffocating; I don’t owe you my flushes.If you were not there on time to watch me flush the toilet, don’t meow at me like I owe you something once the deed is done.Don’t threaten me with “Fine, cuddle yourself at night, bih.” I know exactly what those “MHEEEEE” and “MMMHEH- MEH” mean.I don’t take well to meow-threats, and I refuse to cuddle myself at night.Best regards,Your doormat.</article></body>

The Most Disrespectful Cat Ever

My face is not your personal shower curtain

Dear Fabricio,

I hope this post finds you well.

I am writing to you today because a face-to-face confrontation never works when one party is constantly disrespectful.

I have kept this post open in my background so that you may read it and hopefully reflect; maybe learn a thing or two about self-awareness and biting the hand that feeds you- literally.

I don’t know how you manage to unlock my laptop every morning when you decide to lounge on it, but if you're looking through my search history, I guarantee you boredom.

There is no way in hell that all the beeping sounds coming from the crushed keyboard buttons don’t bother you. The “F” key is permanently stuck now because of your belly hanging on it too long, and it is my favorite letter.

But what’s worse is me screaming from the bed, “ MOVE” while you side-eye me with little regard that it is dusk. Only people who work out wake up at dusk. The disrespect has to stop.

Please don’t double-down on being an asshole by rolling over, indicating that on top of all the chaos and noise you created- at five a.m- you would like a belly rub. I didn’t get out of bed to do that.

I’m still trying to get into the habit of closing my screen at night, but in the meantime, my laptop is not a chaise lounge, and the mouse is not your personal footstool.

Unlike the keyboard, though, I love it when I wake up, and you are lounging on my face; but stretching and taking a shower on it is where I draw the line. I’m a feminist.

Where did you get the courage to prance right up to my face, stretch a leg out 90- degrees, and lick your bum on it? Have some dignity.

You have zero- self-awareness, and my face is not a shower curtain, me and my moneymaker have never been disrespected like this.

Also, I would highly appreciate it if you stopped holding me hostage in my own home. Moving around my house doesn’t mean I have to feed you.

I can't have a screaming match with you every time I get up on my feet. You know the feeding schedule.

Finally, your entitlement is suffocating; I don’t owe you my flushes.

If you were not there on time to watch me flush the toilet, don’t meow at me like I owe you something once the deed is done.

Don’t threaten me with “Fine, cuddle yourself at night, bih.” I know exactly what those “MHEEEEE” and “MMMHEH- MEH” mean.

I don’t take well to meow-threats, and I refuse to cuddle myself at night.

Best regards,

Your doormat.