The Most Childish Experiment I Ever Did

I still dream about finding the answer

I always wondered about what is hidden from us. What happens in a book before I open it? Are the words and images in the same place when the book is on the shelf as they are when I pick the book to read it? How do the flowers in my garden look when I do not see them?

What I can see in the mirror if I look close enough? What my toys were doing when the house was empty?

Were the monsters I fear visible when I was not looking where I thought they were?

I was imagining a lot of things living in the dark, the ones I remember even now so vivid I almost see them were huge aerial octopuses, floating gently through the evening sky. They were not aggressive, but I was afraid anyway. Every time I was needing to go outside alone I was looking for them, running to do my chores, and then rushing back inside.

More, I remember telling my friends about this strange feeling I had: I was aware of me being in my body and also about me being somewhere outside, lucking at myself. I know now that I was talking about what some traditions are calling “the observer.” But at that time I felt strange, the others were looking at me as I was crazy, so I stop talking about this, even the feeling never disappeared completely.

But the most powerful and strange feeling was that if I look very carefully I can see something that nobody else can see. I was not sure what. Maybe a crack in the air that I can make larger and peek into? I had no idea. Now, I can say that what I was/am trying to see is the things beyond the Maya. The unfolded reality. How the things are before anybody observes them.

Now… you can laugh, but keep in mind I was 8 years old then… After spending countless hours trying to see beyond the big mirror in our guest room and achieving nothing I decided that I had to do something radical. Our house was not good for my experiments. It knew me too well.

So I decided to try to see the unmanifested in the house of my best friend. She was a year older than me and we were in the same class at school, sharing the same bench. We spent a lot of time together, doing our homework, helping each other, playing and laughing.

We knew everything about each other — OK. almost anything, we do not know anything even about ourselves — including the place where we were hiding the house’s key. Not the spare key, that one was in the house in case we lost the main one, the only key that all the family was using. Usually was an easy-to-find hidden place and nowadays I would get crazy anxious to know that I let my key like that… but that was the custom back then.

So one day when I knew nobody was at home at my friend's house, took the key and entered the house.

Then… nothing. The house was exactly like it was when I was there visiting it. Worse, it felt … hostile? I cannot see them, but I felt its disapproving eyes on me asking me what in the world I was doing there.

I spent no more than five or ten minutes in my friend's house. I haven't taken anything. And I never repeated my failed experiment. Or talked about it. Until a few days ago when talking about this omnipresent feeling that I am not fitting I told some friends about that day when my best friend’s house silently told me I need to search somewhere else.

“You should ask me,” my friend said laughing. “I would tell you that your experiment will not work.”

I laughed.

I still try to see beyond what I am not seeing. Beyond what is hidden to my senses.

To me, the most fascinating experiment I ever read about is the one about the dual nature of light. Can we change what we observe just by observing it? How crazy is this?

I still live with the impression that if I look closely enough I can see the things as they are when we do not look at them.

I try to achieve this through meditation now. It is even working at times. I have glimpses of things I understand without being able to explain. So I meditate more.

Many of my meditations are connecting me with my inner child. I am parenting myself through them. If time is an illusion, it might be me the one who looked in disbelief at my childish experiment?

It might be.

So on that note, I think I should add a “do not try this warning” at the end of my article: if you want to peek into the unfolded, do not break your best friend's house. Meditate instead. With time, you might find your answers. 😊

Thank you for reading until the end. What books should I put on my reading list to make this year a better one?

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