Summary

Materialism can lead to shorter relationships and undermine long-term happiness, but a balanced approach to material goods and a focus on meaningful connections can foster healthier, more enduring relationships.

Abstract

The article discusses the negative impact of materialism on relationship longevity and satisfaction, suggesting that placing too much value on possessions and financial success can result in shorter and less fulfilling relationships. It cites research, including Yohan Hari's book "Lost Connections," which links materialism to a higher likelihood of ending relationships for superficial reasons. Conversely, the article highlights the benefits of long-term relationships, such as improved health and happiness, and provides evidence that married men, for instance, tend to live healthier and longer lives. The text also explores the concept of "Junk Values" and how they contribute to a cycle of dissatisfaction and unhappiness. However, the article acknowledges that materialism can have positive societal effects when it encourages the purchase of ethically produced goods and promotes social responsibility. Ultimately, the article suggests that forming healthy relationships requires honesty, open communication, trust, compromise, and personal growth, and that a balanced approach to materialism is key to overall well-being.

Opinions

Materialism, defined as prioritizing money and possessions, is detrimental to the quality and duration of relationships.
Relationships are crucial for long-term health and happiness, as evidenced by studies showing married men benefit from longer and healthier lives.
"Junk Values," or valuing people for their appearance or ability to impress, lead to less rewarding interactions and a higher likelihood of being abandoned in relationships.
The pursuit of material goods as a response to insecurity can sometimes be adaptive and lead to positive societal outcomes, such as supporting ethical brands and products.
To foster lasting relationships, it is important to prioritize honesty, remove communication barriers, build trust, compromise, and pursue personal goals alongside shared ones.
The article suggests that there is a healthy level of materialism, where acquiring goods for the right reasons can coexist with non-materialistic values and relationship satisfaction.

The More Materialistic You Are the Shorter Your Relationships Will Be

5 ways to create stronger relationships

Materialism is the belief that having money and possessions is the most important thing in life — Cambridge Dictionary

If your main motivation in life is fueled by financial success and acquiring more stuff than others, chances are you are a materialistic person.

It may be easier for you to max out credit cards on designer items than form healthy, long-lasting relationships.

There is nothing wrong with being ambitious and like it or not, money is important.

But many of us are guilty of being solely driven by material gains. And it is affecting the quality and longevity of our relationships.

In Yohan Hari’s Book, Lost Connections, he found out about the impact materialism has had on our relationships. He concluded the more materialistic & driven by Junk Values you become, the shorter your relationships will be.

“If you value people for how they look, or how they impress other people, it’s easy to see you’ll be happy to dump them if someone hotter or more impressive comes alone.”

For you shallow folk, you can't always have your cake and eat it. These values can lead to the same thing happening to you.

“If all you’re interested in is the surface of another person, it’s easy to see why you’ll be less rewarding to be around and they’ll be more likely to dump you too”.

If you are driven by superficial, materialistic values, then your relationships will suffer.

Why are our relationships even important?

Relationships come and go, so what?

You may continue to be driven by these ‘Junk Values’ and neglect having these long-lasting relationships for good.

You want to lay in a gold-laced bathtub filled with dollar bills and a different person every night. Shallow relationships and things. What's the real harm in that?

Why do we need long-term meaningful relationships anyway?

It may help you live a healthier life for starters.

A major survey of 127,545 American adults found that married men are healthier than men who were never married or whose marriages ended in divorce or widowhood.

It also may help us live longer. Men who have marital partners also live longer than men without spouses.

And a further study of 1,366 people in marriages highlighted that long-lasting romantic relationships tend to lead to higher levels of happiness.

“People, on average, aren’t happier following marriage than they were before marriage, but they are happier than they would have been if they stayed single.”

So we know long-lasting romantic relationships may help us live longer and have a happier life. But what role does being materialistic play in our overall happiness?

Happiness and materialism

How is materialism even measured and how does our level affect our happiness?

Marsha Richins and Scott Dawson, two leading researchers created the first scale to measure materialism:

“People are materialistic to the extent that they place acquiring possessions at the center of their lives, judge success by the number and quality of one’s possessions, and see these possessions as vital to happiness.”

This scale pathed the way to measure how being materialistic can influence overall happiness in life.

A study conducted by researchers at San Francisco State University highlighted how being ‘materialist’ can reduce your happiness.

“There are certain value systems that are shunned by society. When we find out someone is materialistic, we think less of them, and that drives their happiness down.”

So there you have it, being materialistic is no good for us and we should burn all our stuff and go live in the woods…

Or is materialism all bad?

Materialism is a good thing that can benefit society

There is a counterargument, that suggests materialism can actually benefit society.

People develop materialistic tendencies as an adaptive response to cope with situations that make them feel anxious and insecure, such as a difficult family relationship or even our natural fear of death.

Materialistic behaviors can work alongside more meaningful motives to improve society.

For example, the purchase of eco-friendly products such as Tesla cars and consuming top-quality goods help raise awareness of social responsibilities.

Often poor quality goods are fueled by cheap labor and exploitation, so being materialistic and only buying from brands that truly recognize their social responsibilities can actually be a good thing.

How can we form more healthy relationships that last?

As previously highlighted, forming stronger relationships is key to our long-term happiness and often life expectancy.

If we know longer-term relationships are good for us, how can we form more healthy relationships, that actually last?

Articles from Psychology today lists 12 tips for happy long-lasting relationships. These are the 5 that really resonated with me:

Be honest — So crucial with anything in life. Not being honest undermines your relationship. It can cause unnecessary tension, not a good kind of tension either.
Remove communication barriers — this goes hand in hand with honesty. But being honest can be hard. You need to create an open space to communicate, judgment-free. If you feel like you can't communicate safely it is hard to be honest. This will lead to a lack of trust.
Trust others —This is something that kills the chances of having a fulfilling relationship long-term. Exhibit vulnerability and openness and be willing to share secrets. If the other person shows themselves trustworthy, then commit more to the relationship.
Compromise — Balance your own needs with the other person’s needs. Seek a mutually beneficial compromise on disagreement. It is never good to brush issues under the carpet. Have open conversations and set boundaries on what each person is willing to accept.
Meet your own goals — Although healthy compromise is important as you go along, you need to put your own oxygen mask on first before you can help anyone else. You are in the relationship for yourself, not the other person. Be selfish first to figure out what you want out of any relationship. Then you will be in a position to compromise willingly on the areas that are not unmovable objects to you.

In Summary

There is a healthy level of materialism that is good for you. Buy material goods for the right reasons. Just don't be solely driven by Junk values and the concept that having nice things will make you happy. They won’t.

Who cares if you have the nicest car and the biggest house if you have no one to share it with? You can’t take your money to the grave.