The More Attractive We Are, The Less Effort We Put Into Dating
Don’t be mad. It’s human nature
It’s arguably the most common frustration of the courtship stage; why isn’t this person investing more?
Our parents would fret about their beau not returning their calls. Nowadays it’s all about someone not texting back fast enough or with enough enthusiasm.
Most single men have endured conversations like this.
Guy: “Hey, I just got back from the music festival. How was your weekend?
Girl: “Good.”
Guy: “What did you get up to?”
Girl: “Just chilling.”
Guy: “Nice, so what are you doing this week??”
Girl: “Mostly working.”
It’s frustrating, I know. Even worse when these conversations take place at the bar on a date. Still, I’d urge you not to resent women who behave like this.
You’d probably do the same if you had as many romantic options as them.
My Experience Dealing With Romantic Abundance
In my teens and early twenties, I was planning interesting messages to send to women. I’d take the time to investigate unique and fun date locations too. After all, I had barely any women interested in me!
But, as I began to increase my romantic options, that effort faded. I realized I could use simple texts to invite women to a bar and someone would accept.
When using dating apps in Peru and Indonesia, I’d land countless dates at the same bar using a proven copy-and-pasting structure. All messaging would strictly be about meeting up. No polite chit-chat. Women who invited me to their part of town would be dismissed. The less beautiful women would be ignored until I had a date-free day.
I think it’s rude to adopt this blunt messaging strategy, but it’s also human nature. We are programmed to try and achieve our tasks while exerting as little energy as possible. We quickly dismiss those who aren’t important to our immediate goals. Men and women behave this way in all walks of life.
Why Low-Effort Dating Is Attractive
My low-effort texting strategy has proved to be MORE effective in landing dates. I’d find women double-texting, suggesting date locations, or asking when I was free to meet them.
This could be due to my extra value in these ’Passport Bro’ hotspots but I believe something else was happening.
When you put no effort into texting a woman, you mimic every ‘hot guy’ she ever wanted. The most in-demand f*ckboys of Tinder don’t take time to charm a woman with witty and interesting messages. Not unless she’s the hottest in his list of matches.
Most likely, she’s receiving low-effort messages from most of the guys she wants. When your messages are curt and to the point, it signals that you’re an in-demand guy too.
When you don’t have time to text them, it signals that you’re a busy guy, Most likely you have a lot of other women pursuing you. Or at least one who’s hotter than her.
Deep down, she’s happy about that. Deep down, she wants a man who other women want. Every guy she truly wanted she had to chase.
By putting less effort into your messaging, you’ll allow this woman to chase you too.
What To Do When A Woman Doesn’t Invest
Modern dating is a battle of who cares least.
It’s an unfortunate truth.
Nobody likes to play these games but they’re a necessary evil.
You can try to date in an ideal world or you can do what works.
Women say they want men to put extra effort into courting them, but that’s only the men they’re already attracted to.
Brad Pitt could invite your crush for a coffee date and she’d accept it. The most attractive men on Tinder invite her straight to their place. Any extra effort you put in comes across as compensating. In many cases, it makes you look needy and desperate.
You need to learn how to date like a man who’s overwhelmed with options. My colleague Ice White has written a book titled ‘The Message Game’ which is packed with ideas on how to do this.
If a woman stops investing in your conversation, the solution isn’t to send more persuasive messages.
You’re not her priority and it’s hard to change that via text.
A better plan is to stop texting her, go outside to live an amazing life, and let her see it on Instagram. (You’ve been reading Joe Elvin articles for a while, so you know to add her on IG instead of swapping phone numbers).
This doubles down on the idea that you’re the one who cares least.
When she sees you out doing things she wants to do, her investment will often ROCKET. An attractive woman’s indifference to dating vanishes when she senses you’re a worthy guy. Suddenly, she’ll be the one instigating conversations and trying to meet up. It’s not a foolproof plan, but it’s better than texting her again and again.
This free Tinder Secrets e-book will teach you how to create a dating app profile that inspires women to pursue you.