avatarAugusta Khalil Ibrahim

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h the monsignor, the bishop’s deputy who assessed our readiness for the holy sacrament of confirmation.</p><p id="e324">Boy, I wish I could be teleported back to that school room with that monsignor.</p><p id="924f">I’d ask him the sophisticated question that my son once asked me:</p><p id="a417">“Who made God?”</p><p id="5f87">I’d ask him which part of Jesus’ body are we eating exactly.</p><p id="5db6">I’d ask him why the church considers sex so disgusting that the messiah wasn’t born that way.</p><p id="35e1">I would have the words and the questions to express the internal dissonance that these incongruous papist ideas were creating.</p><p id="19db">“You were able to think on your feet”, the teacher said.</p><p id="2885">You can’t imagine how lucky you are. The law and the mind: Imagine having, not one, but two experts to draw on in your close circle in these fascinating fields. I have been frustrated in my search for answers by self-appointed charlatans pretending that they know about the human mind and other self-styled experts generally. You know the type, they go on a weekend course then hang a shingle out as a therapist. Or another kind of somethingist.</p><p id="b6cf">The first question I ask people who are

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involved in this field is:</p><p id="2543">“Are you a Freudian or a Jungian?”</p><p id="1deb">Some don’t know the answer, others don’t even know what it means.</p><p id="ca24">I can sense a refreshing clarity and precision in the way you write.</p><p id="95b9">When I tell you I am reading James Hollis, that can tell you where I am on my journey.</p><p id="d9fc">Hey… you used the f-word. I haven’t seen you do that before. Isn’t it liberating? Isn’t it freeing?</p><p id="ae4b">You must have seen the scene in The Wire where there is only one word of dialog. That word is used again and again throughout the scene.</p><p id="67cb">Fuck is a beautiful Anglo-Saxon word. I always judged a dictionary by how many pages it devotes to it. Back in the days of dictionaries.</p><p id="e11d">Your coy American dictionaries try to pretend it isn’t there. Some even ignore it completely.</p><p id="95ad">My favourite was Harrap’s Shorter (don’t be deceived by the title, it’s the size of a brick) French dictionary. It had two-and-a-half pages of explanation and examples (“There’s fuck-all to eat in this house”) so no Frenchman need ever be at a loss for a well-placed expletive.</p><p id="3ba3">Bonsoir, Herr Advokat.</p></article></body>

The Monsignor was the deputy, examining 11-year-olds in preparation for their confirmation. As it turned out, I wasn’t such a great soldier for the nazarene.

The Monsignor

I read it but I didn’t understand it all.

I was unable to get it to yield up its secrets to me. Your subsequent explanation helped.

“invoke trespass” – I wish I had observed that exchange. Thanks for describing it.

It made me smile from ear to ear.

Is the shortfall of $12 designed to provoke, like the $1 cheque scam?

I call these weasels out too but I don’t know enough about the law to fully back up my stance. I push it as far as I can.

Once I met my junior school teacher at the beach. (My two favourite days of the year in Ireland are Christmas and summer). He said he’d always imagined that I would be a lawyer and was surprised that I had become an engineer.

When I pressed him, he said he’d been amazed at how well, I, at 11 was able to argue with the monsignor, the bishop’s deputy who assessed our readiness for the holy sacrament of confirmation.

Boy, I wish I could be teleported back to that school room with that monsignor.

I’d ask him the sophisticated question that my son once asked me:

“Who made God?”

I’d ask him which part of Jesus’ body are we eating exactly.

I’d ask him why the church considers sex so disgusting that the messiah wasn’t born that way.

I would have the words and the questions to express the internal dissonance that these incongruous papist ideas were creating.

“You were able to think on your feet”, the teacher said.

You can’t imagine how lucky you are. The law and the mind: Imagine having, not one, but two experts to draw on in your close circle in these fascinating fields. I have been frustrated in my search for answers by self-appointed charlatans pretending that they know about the human mind and other self-styled experts generally. You know the type, they go on a weekend course then hang a shingle out as a therapist. Or another kind of somethingist.

The first question I ask people who are involved in this field is:

“Are you a Freudian or a Jungian?”

Some don’t know the answer, others don’t even know what it means.

I can sense a refreshing clarity and precision in the way you write.

When I tell you I am reading James Hollis, that can tell you where I am on my journey.

Hey… you used the f-word. I haven’t seen you do that before. Isn’t it liberating? Isn’t it freeing?

You must have seen the scene in The Wire where there is only one word of dialog. That word is used again and again throughout the scene.

Fuck is a beautiful Anglo-Saxon word. I always judged a dictionary by how many pages it devotes to it. Back in the days of dictionaries.

Your coy American dictionaries try to pretend it isn’t there. Some even ignore it completely.

My favourite was Harrap’s Shorter (don’t be deceived by the title, it’s the size of a brick) French dictionary. It had two-and-a-half pages of explanation and examples (“There’s fuck-all to eat in this house”) so no Frenchman need ever be at a loss for a well-placed expletive.

Bonsoir, Herr Advokat.

Monsignor
Sex
Catholics
Dogma
Red Herring
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