The Mom’s Empty Stocking Viral Video Makes Me Glad I’m Single

And how men can avoid being like the dad from this video

By now, you’ve probably seen the viral video of mom’s empty stocking. Just in case you haven’t, I’ll recap. The dad posts a video of everyone’s Christmas stocking — including the dog. While everyone is enjoying pulling out their goodies, there’s one empty stocking. The dad asks the child who it’s for, and the child says it’s just an extra. It’s the mom that points out that it’s hers and that Santa didn’t come for her that year. The dad, taking the video, seems to think this is hilarious, but every woman watching the video saw and felt her pain.

The truth is that I was once the empty stocking mom. If I had goodies to open, I’m the one who put them in there. If there were presents under the tree, I probably bought and wrapped them, too. I brought all the magic to the holiday season when I was married, and I consistently ended up disappointed that I wouldn’t even get the smallest amount of reciprocation.

By the time I filed for divorce, I had been quietly suffering for years. I was ready to move forward. My first Christmas as a single parent was weird. I knew that my babies were too little to buy me anything, but I also knew that I wouldn’t have that mix of hope and disappointment I had every year I was married. My parents ended up hiding gifts for me under my tree that first year, which I’ll always be grateful for. But even after they stopped, I no longer felt that sense of dread and disappointment before a holiday.

I felt relief that I’m single when I was watching the viral video. I know how it felt to be her. I, too, put on a brave face and made the best of things, but people who really knew me could see that it hurt. While I do know a few people in genuinely good marriages, I know far too many stuck in relationships that consistently feel disappointing. Given the choice, I’d rather stay alone than be with someone and feel alone.

The video of mom’s empty stocking made me viscerally angry at the clueless man who seemed to think it was all one big joke. Apparently, he later made a video showcasing all the gifts that he bought her that year, but it doesn’t make up for the fact that she went over a decade with an empty stocking he was too thoughtless to fill. And the sad truth is that moms everywhere related to this deeply.

For this reason, I’m crafting this list of entirely unsolicited but much-needed advice for men this holiday season.

How to Not Be the Dad from the Viral Video

Here are some expert tips to help any man avoid being this clueless man from the stocking video. Ignore them at your peril.

If You Mess Up, Apologize and Make It Right.

It’s okay to occasionally drop the ball. Maybe he genuinely didn’t think about the stockings until that morning. Instead of trying to justify this with a post about the many presents wrapped for her under the tree, he could have apologized and tried to make it up to her. The viewing audience didn’t need his apology, but his wife sure as hell does. Knowing that the best apology is changed behavior, she damn well better have a filled stocking every year to follow.

Unfortunately, what happens in my experience is a flimsy apology followed by repeated negligence. As a divorced person, I can say with certainty that this does damage to relationships that can’t just be repaired with an “I’m sorry.” Making amends is also part of the apology process.

Participate in Holiday Shopping

Another annoying aspect of this holiday scenario is that most mothers are the ones doing all the holiday shopping, wrapping, decorating, and planning. We’re the conductors of this particular holiday orchestra. Everyone else gets to sit back and enjoy while we labor our way through the holidays, pushing through until the bitter end. Even when we love to see everyone enjoy our efforts, it’s hard to be uncelebrated in the midst of it.

Men in relationships truly need to fully participate in holiday shopping. They don’t need to be surprised about all the gifts under the tree because they didn’t choose them, wrap them, or even think of them. An equitable division of household labor should include some holiday equality.

Fill Her Stocking

We often talk about filling up one’s cup, but for purposes of the holiday season, let’s make it a stocking. It’s hard to be the person constantly filling everyone’s stocking while ours is empty, sad, and depleted. While we can certainly fill our own, it’s also important that romantic partners do their part to fill the stocking, too.

As a single person, I fill up my own stocking. I get what I want, and I’m not sitting around on Christmas morning sad about it. As a married person, I had an empty stocking and plenty of other unmet needs throughout the year. It’s important to be able to practice self-care, set boundaries, and prioritize what we need, but in relationships, we should also have someone else who cares if we’re happy and fulfilled. We can fill our own stocking, but the person in our lives should want to contribute, too.

Final Thoughts

The guy in the video probably loves his wife, but he couldn’t see what was so clear to the rest of us. Hopefully, the strong comments on this post will help him see the light and help her have much happier holidays in the future. But I can’t help but think how happy I was to be single throughout the whole debacle.

Sometimes, being single at the holidays is lonely. There are times that I daydream about having a plus-one to enjoy the festivities with, but then I remember that I’ve had that experience. It was giving zero stars. While it might not define all relationships, it still defines far too many of them. Maybe one day, I’ll find a person who can be my best friend, lover, and equal. Until that day, I will be a happily single person with a filled stocking and a grateful heart.