The Mindset That Makes You Socially Attractive
What I learned from solo-traveling to five different countries over the last five years
Traveling solo taught me how to make new friends effortlessly.
How?
You’re totally alone.
Thousands of miles away from home.
Sometimes can barely speak the language.
You’re forced to learn the art of communication.
I’ve learned more about socializing in a month of solo-travel than ten years in my hometown.
My conclusion —
People are mostly the same everywhere.
If you can make friends with your next-door neighbor, then you can make friends with a stranger in Barcelona.
Here is everything I’ve learned about people from life on the road…
#1: NO ICE ZONE
Of course, you have to meet people before you can flex your social attractiveness.
You can break the ice by…
- Asking a question AND/OR
- Giving a genuine compliment
These were my go-to questions while traveling…
- How are you?
- Where are you from?
- What are you reading?
- Where did you get that…?
You can adjust these based on your environment.
For complements:
When you’re complimenting someone, it has to be genuine.
People can see right through generic flattery.
Here’s an example:
“That jacket looks nice.”
VS.
“That green patch on your jacket is amazing. Where did you get it?”
Tell them what exactly you admire.
Be specific.
Overall, icebreakers work 99% of the time.
People crave appreciation.
The main purpose of keeping these icebreakers in your pocket is to reduce your approach anxiety.
Trust me.
When you’re thinking of approaching that pretty girl eating a croissant across the room…
Your brain will thank you.
#2: SENTENCE ENHANCERS
And I don’t mean sailor talk.
When you meet someone, make the effort to learn their name.
Use it when you say goodbye and when you meet them again.
They’ll love you forever.
Why?
It makes people feel special.
So they’ll associate you with feeling special.
Simple enough right?
Okay I’ll admit —
I’m a champion of the word “bro.”
“Bro can you believe it bro…”
“I’ll catch you later brodie…”
“Broseph what’s up…”
But don’t do that.
Say their name and your social attractiveness will jump 10 points.
#3: HAPPY MEALS
I started doing this more after reading Carnegie’s “How to Make Friends and Influence People.”
It actually works.
Smile.
Smile like a 4-year old that just got a brand new Happy Meal toy.
A smile radiates positive energy and moves mountains.
It says —
“I’m happy to see you.”
“I come in peace.”
The secret is sincerity.
A real smile can be easily differentiated from a mechanical one.
Remember.
Nonverbal communication is everything.
#4: 3D LISTENING
More than anything else, learn how to listen.
The secret to great conversation is not actually conversating.
Why?
People want to feel important and heard.
It’s not about changing their mind or impressing them with your achievements.
Talk less about yourself and discover more about them.
Here are some tips:
1st Dimension
- Eye-contact (shows confidence)
- Tilt your head (shows interest)
2nd Dimension
- Don’t interrupt
- Don’t “wait your turn” to speak
- Don’t give unwarranted advice
3rd Dimension
- Be genuinely interested in them
- Understand their POV
In short, shift the conversation to them rather than yourself.
#5: PEOPLE 101
You don’t meet people so you can blabber on about yourself.
You meet people to get to know them.
So ask meaningful questions.
Learn about their interests, desires, goals, lifestyle…
Personally, I hate small-talk.
It can be a nice tool in the first ~20 minutes of meeting someone to build comfort.
But lead the conversation to something interesting.
Then you won’t even have to try.
