avatarJames Michael Sama


The Men Who Attract Strong Women: 12 Traits They Possess

They all share these qualities.

I think men often look at ambitious, successful, and high-value women and become confused about where they can add even more value to her life. Men have been (falsely) conditioned to think that our worth comes from our ability to “provide” and if she doesn’t “need” us then…well, she doesn’t want us either…right?

The truth is this: No matter how much a woman makes, how well educated she is, or how well-established her life is — you can add value by being a healthy partner, a friend, a lover, and a teammate in her life.

NONE of those things have anything to do with how much money you have (or don’t have).

It does, however, have to do with harnessing the qualities listed below and showing up as your full, authentic self.

These are the traits of men who attract the women who don’t “need” them, but definitely want them.

1: They have their own ambitions.

A woman cannot plan a future with a man who hasn’t planned a future for himself.

Imagine the divide between a couple where one person is striving for their own version of success and greatness, while the other shies away from hard work, is lazy, unmotivated, and entitled…

Unfortunately, these combinations do meet sometimes, and the relationship trudges through the mud until it finally, eventually, disintegrates into nothing. How, after all, could it not?

A woman who, quite simply, has her shit together is going to be looking for a guy who can match her level of drive and ambition.

If that’s not the life you want to live — there’s nothing wrong with that. There is no obligation to be anything other than what you really are, but the key is to find someone who matches you in those ways. That is where real happiness lies.

2: They’re strong communicators.

We all know that healthy communication in a relationship is a key piece to making it work, but this truth is magnified when you’re with someone who is proficient translating their own thoughts and feelings into words.

Odds are, she can also be very direct.

This is a good thing if you are able to match her level of communication and express yourself effectively. Also, active listening and paying close attention to her wants, needs, and desires (and then acting on them) will show that you can listen just as well as you speak.

3: They still step up and “be the man” in the relationship.

I’ve said this before, and I’ll put it right here again:

Just because a woman may be in charge from 9–5 on Monday through Friday, doesn’t mean she wants the same responsibilities in a relationship. At the end of the day, many women still appreciate a man who is the man, and will make plans for them on date night. A man who still romances her. A man who is chivalrous and respectful. A man who understands that a woman can be independent and should still be treated as a lady.

4: They live their life with integrity.

I believe at the end end of the day, living a life of honor and integrity is something that gives us each a deep sense of fulfillment and satisfaction.

I also think it’s a highly attractive trait to choose for yourself.

5: They’re secure in themselves.

Before Rachel and I met, she was a successful entrepreneur with two businesses, raising two kids by herself, and doing it all in stride.

Anyone who’s ever been a parent and/or an entrepreneur knows that both are full time jobs in themselves. Let alone doing both at once.

Imagine if I were insecure or unsure of myself trying to court/woo/win over/impress a woman like that…

At one point in my life, this would have been the case, which is why timing is so important as well.

In order to step up and merge your life with someone else’s well constructed life requires you to be on the same level or at least of the same mindset that is able to create it.

Otherwise, you’ll be left frustrated, wanting, or maybe even — left behind.

Let me also say this doesn’t provide an excuse for someone to disregard the feelings of their partner in a relationship. I have hundreds of articles about why mutual affection and appreciation is so important.

6: They’re supportive.

A telltale sign of your own self-worth and security is whether you encourage her to push further and excel, or find ways to discourage or hold her back.

If she has been used to doing her own thing, crushing her own goals, and running her own life, the last thing she will tolerate is bringing someone into it that will be an anchor on her ambition.

7: They are honest and direct — and kind about it.

I have been coaching ambitious and successful men and women for over more than a decade, and one of the things they appreciate most is someone who cuts the shit and tells them like it is.

Of course, this doesn’t mean being harsh and rude. It simply means you have enough respect for someone to be honest with them.

If you can master this balance, it will help to build a strong foundation of trust and respect in your relationship.

8: They can share the spotlight.

If you always need to be the center of attention, dating someone who gets some too is going to cause friction.

If she’s well-established in her career, has a large following, commands attention when she walks into a room, or simply does not like taking a back seat — you’ll need to share the spotlight.

That’s a good thing, because it means you can both shine together.

All of these things have one thing in common: The other partner having to hang back and not take a “leadership” role — oh, and to be genuinely comfortable with it without causing a scene.

Conversely this also means that the other partner in the relationship (you) will have times when you’re in the driver’s seat as well. You must be equally as comfortable and competent at taking on this role just the same.

9: They’re flexible and open-minded.

Here’s an inevitable truth: You’re going to disagree.

Strong women come along with strong opinions, and there’s no guarantee that all of them will match up with yours.

That means that you — and also her — need to find a middle ground, which will require both of you to be flexible and open minded in your viewpoints.

I don’t mean sacrificing your values.

I don’t mean betraying your identity.

I don’t mean morally compromising yourself.

I mean being able to discuss, entertain new ideas, and compromise.

10: They have a great sense of humor.

Strong doesn’t always have to mean serious.

In fact, it often means being able to handle challenges with a positive and lighthearted attitude.

This requires a strong and healthy sense of humor to be applied at appropriate times.

Levity can bring some relief to series situations and help couples navigate rough terrain together. Life is serious enough as it is, there’s no need to make it any worse.

11: They value and prioritize their physical and mental health.

Let’s be honest — physical attraction is not the most important thing in a relationship, but maintaining one’s health, wellness, and fitness makes you a more overall attractive partner.

Not just physically, though — but emotionally and mentally.

It helps to keep you sharp, focused, alert, present, and aware.

It helps to keep you interesting, and interested.

It helps to keep you active, sharing life’s experiences together, exploring life’s complex topics, pursuing goals, solving problems.

It helps to keep you connected as your bond is formed through a deep emotional link.

A man who “lets himself go” raises many questions within the woman who loves him, the loudest of which is, “If he doesn’t care for himself, is he willing and able to care for me and this relationship?”

12: They are fully, genuinely, and authentically THEMSELVES.

You don’t need to be the perfect man to make her happy, you just need to be the man you said you were when you met her.

  • My private clients find themselves living more confident, purposeful lives and cultivating healthier relationships with those around them. Click here to book a free call to see if we’re a fit to work together.
  • James Michael Sama is an internationally recognized speaker, author, and personal development coach.
  • Finding success in creating hundreds of viral articles and videos on building limitless confidence and healthier relationships, James has accumulated over 39 million visitors to his website and a collective social media following of over 400,000.
  • James speaks at live events and in the media across the U.S. and has become a go-to expert with outlets such as CNN, Bravo, The New York Post, The Huffington Post, The Daily Beast, CNBC, The Boston Globe, CBS, and more.

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