The Men on Tinder Holding Guns For No Apparent Reason
Every profile photo on Tinder is designed to send a message. My profile photos send messages like “I wear dresses with pockets because that means I’m down-to-earth” and “My eye color really pops when I take a selfie with my cat.” What are you trying to tell me, guys? You may think you’re saying, “I am a strong and manly provider with a high sperm count,” but all I’m hearing is “I will shoot you in the face if you threaten me.” This does not comfort me.
There are exceptions, but women are about as interested in that photo of you holding your gun as we are in that photo of you holding your dick. That is, we’re not nearly as interested as you seem to think we are. In some cases, we even wonder if it should be legal for you to walk around with that thing. We suspect it belongs on some sort of registry, because at least then we can warn other women about it.
I’m all for sexting, but I generally prefer penises to exist in some sort of context, so a random man’s penis showing up in my text messages or Tinder inbox isn’t really going to make me say, “Oh my God! Sorry, gotta cancel book club to go jump on that!” Still, I can think of far more fun activities to do with a penis than I can with that AR-15 you’re holding.
You may think you’re saying, “I am a strong and manly provider with a high sperm count,” but all I’m hearing is “I will shoot you in the face if you threaten me.”
Comparing guns and trucks to penises can get lazy fast. I know this. And yet, as I’ve watched the gun control debate intensify in recent months, it’s difficult not to feel like there’s a very specific subset of men who are determined to use firearms, dicks, and even F-350s as weapons in what they see as a never-ending power struggle. It’s a very specific kind of power, and they don’t want to share. I am not interested in that kind of power. I have seen it turn on women far too often to trust it.
An image of you at an Ed Sheeran concert? I won’t judge you for that if you won’t judge me for knowing every word to Taylor Swift’s “Blank Space” on karaoke night. A pic of you in a Tom Brady jersey? Hey, my dad raised me to be a Cowboys fan; let’s sit and talk about all the ways our parents failed us. But then there’s that guy holding a gun in front of a “Don’t Tread On Me” flag. Dude, you’re not going to fight off government tyranny with your personal arsenal and a muddy pickup truck. You have about as much chance of doing that as I have of seizing power at Vogue with nothing more than a mascara wand and a half-empty box of Q-tips.
My mom keeps a handgun in her house. I cannot describe it to you, because I haven’t seen it in years. She does not take it out for photo ops or selfies. While she is a teacher at a public school, she doesn’t take it there either. It is designed to protect her in a very limited set of circumstances. I wouldn’t make the same choice, but I trust her, and I remember my grandfather’s gun safety lessons well enough to know that she’s not treating a deadly weapon like a toy.
My grandfather believed both me and my brother needed to know the basics of how to handle and fire a gun. At some point in the 90s, he trained us with shotguns and clay pigeons on his 160-acre ranch in Oklahoma. I’m no expert marksman, and I have no desire to be, but I’m not saying these things from the perspective of a city slicker who has never heard of The Second Amendment. I’m saying this from the perspective of a granddaughter who knows she’s supposed to treat every gun like it’s loaded, even if someone tells you it’s not.