The Men I Will Not Date
First of all, I hired you to work on my yard.
Dear Men Who Want To Date The Uninterested (Undateable) Me:
I understand that you like a challenge, but like I said, my view of dating right now, after divorcing my “what-I-thought-was-my-perfect-partner” cheating spouse only 5 months ago, REMAINS “HELL, NO!”
Does it bother you that I have zero interest in hearing about your single parenthood? I do love children but you know, like I said, and you are again NOT LISTENING, I am working on my relationship with me, myself and I. Really these three have me too busy to take on any new people.
Hey, if I change my mind at any point — not likely — you will be the first to know.
That was a nice way to reply wasn’t it? Kind of funny? No?
Yeah, I took your phone number but didn’t give you mine. I know. That’s fine, stop writing to me on FB messenger. Like I told you, I went to the beach alone because I didn’t want company. No, you were not invited.
That’s how it is, you see?
Dios Mio, get over it.
Two days later and now you want to come to my house and work on my yard when I am not there? You want to buy me mulch for my yard and make it nice for me? Well, that’s nice but I think that I can handle it myself. Did I ask you to do this? You know, maybe I need to block you.
I KNOW I’M BEAUTIFUL! Thanks!
Really am not interested at this time. LinkedIn is NOT a dating site (or, is it?)! I never deleted anyone from Linked In, had to figure out how to do it.
Nope, I’m not interested in FB Dating. I did not sign up for this and I checked my settings and I am not even signed in, never been on it and not gonna be on it. So bye! [delete!]
Then…Is FB putting me on their dating site? Maybe I should delete my status? Upon checking I actually left it blank…mysterious. [shrug it off]
How am I this morning? I WAS GREAT UNTIL YOU DECIDED TO BLOW UP FB MESSENGER. Just stop, please. I think you are stalking me. Cut it out or I will delete you.
You are some random person I have had on my FB for years but I don’t even remember meeting you.
Blah, blah, blah. Stop, I mean it, I’m going to delete and block you. Is that what you want? Nope, you do NOT have my phone number and I am not giving it to you, no way, man. I am SERIOUS.
Well, you leave me no choice. Bye! [delete. block!]
Sigh! I feel so much better now! :)
WE FEEL SO MUCH BETTER NOW: Me, myself and I.
Will you ever listen? Will you ever learn?
Nope, you are consumed by the challenge and conquest. Go somewhere else — you probably know where I want to send you. Like I said, if I ever change my mind, I will let you know (not likely!).
The less I want this attention, the more I get. You see, we are days away from what would be my 5th Wedding Anniversary and your behavior is probably exactly the kind of thing my ex-spouse was doing throughout the pandemic while I was out here on the front lines being an essential worker. It was just a happy accident he sent a message on OK Cupid to a friend of mine and she had the wisdom and courage to tell me. Thank you for the solidarity, girlfriend! I had NO IDEA. None. Zero.
His profile was the exact same one I met him on 7 years before, still said “single” and same stupid name on there. It was him, all right, as if I never existed. As if “we” never mattered. So excuse me, guys, but this behavior is a real turn off. It is not my job to respond to you or to care. And I have zero fucks left to give if it hurts your fragile ego. I have better things to do.
Signed,
Me, myself and I