SELF-LOVE I SELF-COMPASSION

The Measure That You Love Yourself Will Impact Your Life

Compassionate self-inquiry for your self-love journey

“Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakes.” — Carl Gustav Jung

The universal topic of self-love is trending, and yet somehow it can come across as a little cliché nowadays — not to mention vague. And with a torrent outpouring of articles and quotes that strive to inspire us, we get lost in all that information. I — get — that. I was one of those people who advocated it in my content and automatically conveyed this concept to my clients and close friends.

Yet, for some reason, the message wasn’t resonating in my very own being, even though coherently, I knew it was the truth. I kept battling with low self-worth, self-doubt, and, many times — self-hate.

Thankfully, these negative stances have been steadily shifting throughout these last few years. I emotionally and physically invested in weekly talking therapy, and from this — so much clarity has emerged. I can now see the deeper issues relating to the circumstances of my childhood and, subsequently, a self-destructive life that was ultimately blocking my connection to self-love and self-compassion.

Diving deeper into these realms of resistance, I discovered an inner firewall, which I saw as my ‘avoider’ and one colossal obstruction to allowing me to have, or even understand — a true sense of self. I had subconsciously disconnected. I was taught at a young age I wasn’t wanted, and the actions of those caregivers over the years confirmed this. I was rejected, and so I abandoned myself.

If you find these words resonate with your inner dialogue, then the following thoughts may be a light to your door of resistance to self-love.

Please note that in no way am I a trained psychologist and so what I write is only a reflection of my experience through my own self-awareness and healing journey. I only wish to be an encouragement to you.

Always feeling stuck

Do you find yourself going around and around in circles year after year and returning to the same negative scenarios? Over time, you start to feel trapped and frustrated. You feel powerless. Nothing seems ever to change.

Your sense of self is wishy-washy

This lack of inner insight you are carrying shows up as indifference or feeling numb from within. You can’t sense what feels right or wrong in so many decision-making situations. Your logic and intuition clash with each other. You don’t know what you want. Nothing seems ever to make you happy.

Abandonment of self

You continually allow negative events and people to be involved in your life. This is regardless of the desperation they cause in you because, despite your values and integrity, your lack of self-connection has unknowingly barred boundaries from being set.

Impatience and lack of joy

You apply too much pressure on yourself to succeed and find it hard to acknowledge that life gradually progresses. You feel like a failure and don’t see the journey as a worthy transition to your goals. This journey is where you lack any joy because you have adopted the ‘When I’ve accomplished this or have that, I’ll be happy’ stance. And yet, happiness is never attainable over there but only ever here in each moment.

Flimsy boundaries on self

Not knowing when you need an inner hug, you eat or drink to fill that void. You don’t evaluate if you’ve had enough and can’t apply discipline. You are spending too much and sitting too much. Looking through social media hour after hour, your mental energy slumps. So much of your time is stolen by the lost hours of scrolling and comparing. Your boundaries are permeable. This relates to anything that lowers your energy and mental vibe.

Isolation versus a healthy tribe mindset

Is it easy for you to shut yourself off for months at a time? Being a writer, you’re probably an introvert, so this feels normal. But bearing in mind, finding ways to not meet up with friends and family or network is possibly a way of abandoning yourself. It can become a habit; however, shutting yourself off incurs spiritual poverty and depression. Humans are tribal, and we need connection. We need each other. We need our tribe to thrive.

Emotional poverty

Do you always put your needs last or, perhaps, avoid them altogether? You don’t treat yourself often, and, in some ways, you have a scarcity mindset in placing yourself at the very last of your priority list or even a list. You don’t refill your spiritual jug. You are unhearing to your exigencies, your self-nurturing attention.

Projection

Do you get easily hurt by others and automatically assume you have done something wrong? Or is it normal behavior for you to constantly find fault in other people’s lives and their choices?

This actually equates to dissociation, in which we dissociate from what we subconsciously detest about ourselves and award it to another person’s character.

The self-realization of a stunted relationship with self can feel like a short sharp shock. And yet, from that moment on, healing starts to take place.

Many of us struggle as we hold multi-dimensional psychological layers beyond logic. The elements I write about may point to a disconnection of self and any form of a lack of self-acceptance.

Talking therapy with a coach, a friend, a group, or a therapist can be an incredible feat to shine a light on inherited limiting beliefs. These cement-like resistances and sabotages are preventing self-love.

Having a relationship with yourself that envelops kindness and love is the most powerful stance you can ever live from.

Self-love is an innate priority, a lifelong commitment, a commandment.

Much love and thank you for reading.

© Chantal Weiss 2023. All Rights Reserved