The Mass of Men Lead Lives of Quiet Desperation

Summary

The text reflects on the mid-life realization of Thoreau's quote from Walden about the "quiet desperation" of life, offering personal strategies to cope with the sense of urgency and monotony that can accompany this awareness.

Abstract

The article delves into the personal resonance of Henry David Thoreau's assertion that many people live lives of "quiet desperation," as expressed in his seminal work, Walden. The author, now in middle age, finds the quote increasingly relevant, feeling its truth as a weight that grows heavier with time. The essay discusses the futility of hurried attempts to escape this existential discomfort, likening it to being stuck on a Ferris Wheel, suspended and searching for stability amidst life's repetitive and often unsatisfying routines. The author suggests that indulgence and pleasure offer only temporary relief, advocating instead for disciplined and focused thinking to navigate these periods. To manage the inevitable "funks," the author recommends not pretending about one's feelings, engaging in grounding activities such as writing and prayer, slowing down the mind, and exercising. These practices are presented as ways to accept and process life's challenges without rushing to change them, acknowledging that life is an "unfinished symphony" that cannot be fully completed or controlled.

Opinions

The author believes that acknowledging a "crappy day" without guilt or pretense is crucial for mental health and dealing with reality.
Writing down thoughts and feelings is compared to a necessary cleaning, helping to reveal blessings and improve one's mood.
The book "The Ruthless Elimination of Hurry" by John Mark Comer is highly recommended for its insights into the unhealthy nature of a hurried life and the importance of accepting life's incompleteness.
Exercise is mentioned as an obvious but effective method to combat negative thinking patterns.
The author emphasizes the importance of daily practice of these strategies to maintain a balanced perspective on life's inevitable ups and downs.

It doesn’t need a lot of explanation once you hit middle-age

It’s a famous quote by Henry David Thoreau in his classic book, Walden.

He basically spends a lot of time by himself in the woods and experiments with a simple life. I read it in high school but don’t remember that much about it. But I’ll never forget that quote. It sticks.

It doesn’t need a whole lot of explanation once you hit middle-age. You just intuitively understand it. It sits on your shoulders like a warm blanket — not all of the time mind you but the older I get the more I can feel it. The more I feel it, the more urgency there is to figure out how to make it go away.

Earnest urgency turns into hurry and hurry never leads to anywhere good — just back to where you started. It’s like riding a Ferris Wheel.

Sometimes that Ferris Wheel feels like it’s suspended in mid-air — you try to get your bearings and grab onto something but can’t find it. Something to bring some definition to what feels at times like a purposeless, awkward existence. Day after day, monotony — the same routines, everything. Same frustrations with careers, family, weight, you name it.

Excess and pleasure take it away briefly but that doesn’t lead anywhere good either. Solid, crisp, disciplined, and focused thinking is the antidote to excess. It helps to push through those episodes faster.

I have learned that when I have days like these I don’t fight or wrestle or feel guilty for having them anymore. If you do, they will just last longer. I just “do” them, they’re simply part of the dusty, pot-holed road that we all travel. I try my best to take action when I get into these funks. Here are some things I do that help:

I don’t pretend. This is the absolute most important mindset to have in life. DO NOT PRETEND you’re feeling a certain way or thinking certain thoughts. Even if the only person you share them with is yourself and a piece of paper. If it’s a crappy day, it’s a crappy day. That takes the pressure off. My wife can usually tell and sometimes we talk about it, sometimes we don’t. When you think you “should” feel a certain way and don’t, that starts an unhealthy cycle of thinking. It keeps you from dealing with reality. Don’t pretend.

I have to get some type of “grounding.” I spend too much time in my head and not enough writing things down and really processing them in a healthy way. It’s like a buildup of plaque when you don’t get your teeth cleaned. You have to get cleaned out. Once I write things down, I am reminded of the many ways I have been blessed and I usually feel better. My prayers are definitely the most heartfelt and sincere and help immensely.

I try to slow my mind down. There is this phenomenal book called The Ruthless of Elimination of Hurry, by John Mark Comer. It’s a Christian book but it isn’t preachy or anything like that. He talks about the many ways that our lives are hurried and how unhealthy it is. I feel quite calm when I read that book mainly because I identify with it so much. In that book, he talks about life being an “unfinished symphony.” I realize that there’s no way I will be ever to do all of the things I want to do and it’s ok. Nobody will. No rush.

Exercise. This one’s obvious.

I have to practice these things every day or else I trend towards this type of thinking. Today the only thing I’ve done is accept it and not pretend. And that’s enough for right now. I can’t hurry.