December is my mom’s favorite month

The Manifest and the Final Destination, a Journey Worth Coming Prepared

Are you ready?

I have always been fascinated by death. From fearing it, to looking forward to the day I can be with mom again. But nobody knows when Death would come and take us to the afterlife.

And while, today, I still feel I have very little left to do in this world, to second guess the date of my death is nothing but a waste of time.

As we breathe, we live.

Today, I jokingly told my partner what to write on my epitaph,

that I died from ‘dissatisfaction’ and ‘secondhand smoke’;

and he retorted if I wanted it written in Latin. The joke sounded better in Filipino my native language.

Leave Well

Friday afternoon thoughts…

Prepare for your final journey long before you make it to the boarding gates. Quite possibly, have those discussions while you are at the check-in counter, or even earlier. Pre-departure might be a bit too late to make the necessary preparations, and to be clear about what you want and don’t want. Write everything down. It’s never too early to prepare for one’s final journey.

Preparing for one’s final journey requires traveling light as much as possible. By the time you get to the checkin counter, you must not have anymore excess baggage. By then, you would already have dealt with them all.

I wrote down all my advance care directives when I turned 50 years old and gave it to my daughter who was a medical student at that time. Those directives need to be revisited every five to ten years or whenever there is a “D” — a death which makes you rethink your directives, a divorce, which changes your status, or a diagnosis, which may or may or not fast track your departure.

There’s nothing scary about death, and it’s always a good idea to have your wishes laid out way before your time comes. A wise Tita once told me, “When I go, the only thing I want my kids to do is grieve for me. No drama, no fighting. Just plain old grieving and missing.” #LeaveWellPH — Cathy Sanchez Babao

In our culture death isn’t talked about, we know it comes like a thief of the night, and yet, many refuse to actively create a plan.

When I read the viral post, it makes sense to come prepared when death is about to take you to the boarding gate, beyond that any planning is rendered moot, and academic.

I can only talk about how I wanted for Mom to have a nice photo when her time comes to an end. It is part of our custom to have a wake, and with it, a photo rests on top of your coffin.

As a dialysis patient for seven years, my ‘fear’ for mom what that she would be unrecognizable at her death. Mom was never vain about her looks. Nor she expressed any concern or special wish at her death, except she doesn’t want to be cremated.

She was a traditional Catholic.

I took it upon myself for her to have a photoshoot and luckily we were able to do that just before the pandemic on her 81st birthday.

Maybe God was preparing me to play an active role in my mom’s last days. Her death will always be something I would describe as beautiful and yet not a day passes by that I don’t think about her.

Especially that in a few days, it will be Christmas. I know she enjoyed Christmas not only because she can give out gifts from what little that she had but also because we both knew on Christmas Day we would be OK.

The past is forgiven and forgotten.

Our photo together

Our photo is on my Facebook profile, a constant reminder that mom is no longer with me. And a longing that on most days strikes my heart with unimaginable sadness.

But it also gives me hope that someday soon, we will meet again. I try to learn from the past but also to be more forgiving of myself.

I do sometimes feel, I failed mom. but I also know that to her, that is farthest from the truth.

Death will come, but when it does it will still be a surprise. Yes, we should make plans only to lighten the load of those who will be left behind.

I no longer fear death. To me now death means — completion. And on the day that death will come for me, I wish that my epitaph will say,

Napoleon lived and loved.

Thank you for reading.

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