The Man Who Had the Biggest Impact on My Life Wasn’t My Dad

Sometimes the people who impact our lives the most aren’t in our families.

After getting out of prison, I faced a lot of discrimination. Because I had a felony criminal record, I couldn’t get a job that paid well. The jobs I endured really sucked.

Some insightful people encouraged me to get a Bachelor’s degree. I knew it would be tough, but it would increase my chances of getting better jobs.

I started out at a local community college. I learned how to study, write research papers, and do other things that would prepare me for my Bachelor’s program.

But the best part of that experience was finding the man who would have the biggest impact on my life.

Sandy

One day, I was in Dr. Sanford “Sandy” Wright’s political science class, and we were talking about the US justice system. Sandy asked if any of us knew anyone who had been to prison. I raised my hand and told him I was an inmate in 2 prisons.

The entire class fell silent and gave me a puzzled look.

Sandy asked me several questions about prison. We later had many discussions about discrimination, inequality, and the challenges I faced in and out of prison.

Sandy, who was half-black and half-white, had a long history of supporting those who were fighting against discrimination and injustice. While living in Berkeley, California, he was an associate of Huey Newton and Bobby Seale, who founded the Black Panthers.

He had his doctorate degree, but was also very street smart. He knew the latest slang words the younger students used. He was unlike any other teacher I ever met.

Father Figure

Sandy later hired me as a student worker. I helped him run the college’s Ethnic Studies program and correct student research papers.

As my job duties expanded, we talked on the phone more often. Later, we began meeting for lunch. Even though I was doing well academically, I had other challenges.

I started to feel imposter syndrome and had my doubts about being able to graduate from a university. Sandy convinced me that I could not only get my Bachelor’s degree, but also get my Master’s. He gave me more confidence and believed in me, even when I was struggling to believe in myself.

I eventually transferred to a university, but experienced severe financial problems. I still couldn’t get good jobs because of my criminal record. One day, I was considering selling illegal drugs again. I called Sandy and he talked me out of it. He always talked to me rationally, in a very non-judgmental way.

He gave me a ton of great advice — advice I wish my dad would’ve given me. My dad was an abusive alcoholic who always told me I was a loser. The mental, emotional, and physical abuse caused me to go to the streets, where I began using drugs and alcohol. I later began selling and manufacturing illegal drugs.

I learned that Sandy struggled with alcohol and drug abuse. He told me about an incident that occurred decades earlier, while he was teaching at a big university. He was snorting cocaine with a student in a dark classroom while a projector played a film. He was later forced to resign.

Sandy went through a bitter divorce and lost custody of his daughter.

Both of us were on our own paths to redemption. I was rebuilding my life after getting out of prison. I was focused on getting an excellent education, finding a great job, and showing my friends and family that I’d changed my life.

I got a second chance.

Sandy also got a second chance — a chance to create a great career for himself at the community college we met at. He also had an opportunity to not only help shape the lives of students, but also prove to himself and his family that he can overcome drug and alcohol abuse and find redemption.

Sandy never raised his own daughter. He never had the chance to teach her valuable lessons, guide her, and transform her life in a meaningful way. But he taught me a lot of valuable lessons, helped me overcome a lot of obstacles, and helped positively transform my life.

He was the wise, caring father figure I never had.

Sandy was there during many of the biggest milestones in my life. He attended my graduation when I got my Bachelor’s degree in Technical and Professional Writing. We celebrated at a local winery when I got my graduate degree.

He was one of the first people I called when I got my first technology job, bought my first house, got engaged, and when I knew it was time to get a divorce. Sandy was always proud of me when I overcame a big obstacle or achieved another milestone. He was always there when I needed help or guidance.

Sometimes the people who have the biggest impact in our lives aren’t in our families, but they give us the love and support we need.

They help us celebrate the best times and get thru the worst times. They hold us accountable and let us know when we aren’t living in alignment with our values. They give us the motivation, encouragement, and guidance we need to become our best selves.

Sadly, Sandy passed away 5 years ago.

He’s gone, but the great memories and lessons he taught me will stay with me the rest of my life.

I’m now using the lessons he taught me to help other people who are struggling in life.