mental health poetry

The Magical Wardrobe

A poem about one side of eating disorders

I have access to a magical wardrobe When you open it you meet the void Mostly black fabric but if your eyesight is not yet destroyed You might encounter some dark purple or grey And you might start feeling the dismay

The wardrobe leads to a dark land You get something exciting if you dare to put your hand Let it touch the fabric and pick something at random You might then understand that you are under the command of The cruelest ruler, harsher than love ever was

Just reach out and pull something out of it Regular fabrics, shinny latex, enticing lace, and workout clothes You can repeat the process for as long as you want You might then observe that the clothes are all of different sizes It’s really full of wonderful surprises

In this wardrobe you will find a secret passageway To a land where someone got through everything and couldn’t get away A time capsule to my past When I was at my heaviest and when I was the most lean And all the other sizes in between

I wrote this poem about two years ago, when I was having a hard time accepting that my body was changing once more. I have a history of eating disorders since childhood, and I’ve gone through almost all the stages of the spectrum. This has resulted in me owning clothes of many different sizes as an adult.

I wanted to post this poem because this side of eating disorders is rarely talked about. Since this poem was written, my goal has been to get to a healthy size and mindset and stay there. I’m nearly there.

The next step will be to donate the clothes that are too small or too big for me.

And then I’ll find a healthier way to make the wardrobe magical again.