The Magic Word to Stop People Walking All Over You

You don’t need to be a pushover…

Do you feel like people don’t acknowledge your boundaries?

Do you feel like you always have to say ‘yes’ when people ask you to do something you don’t want to do?

Do people refer to you as a ‘people pleaser?’

The truth is…

…. I used to be a people pleaser. I would say yes to things I didn’t want to do. I would say yes to things without questioning ‘why’ I’m being asked to do it.

As a result, I would feel frustrated. I often felt like a victim and that my good nature was being taken advantage of. I desperately wanted to say no, but the thought of confrontation and letting someone down scared me too much…

…Especially when it came to work.

My boss often asked me to do tasks after hours, it was usually to complete a project or Spreadsheet. Without fail, I dropped what I was doing or what I’d planned to do to fulfill his needs.

The correspondence would often go like this:

Email entered my inbox at 17:25

“Just to let you know, that I need that spreadsheet completed tonight instead of tomorrow!”

Silently frustrated…I would respond:

“Yes! I’ll have it over to you in an hour!”

Even though I was due to finish work in 5 minutes, I would do it anyway. Over time, I noticed that by saying yes to these requests, my boundaries were not being established, so my boss thought it was OK to email me at that time. He knew I would do the work… because I always did!

So, I unintentionally set the standard.

You see…

…We are in control of the standards we set. If people know we will make ourselves available after hours, then the more things they will ask us to do after hours.

They will respect our time as much as we respect our own time.

But, through fear, many of us struggle to establish our boundaries early on.

When it comes to our Boss, we might say yes because we are driven by fear of losing our job if we don’t. (A fear we have created in our mind)

With friends, we might say yes, because we are scared to upset them.

By agreeing to just say yes to things we don’t want to do, is another way of saying:

“I don’t value my time”

“I don’t manage my personal boundaries”

“I don’t set clear expectations”

The good news is there is a magic word we can use to ensure that no one ‘walks over us’ again…

… ‘If’ will be your new best friend.

This 2-letter word, might just be the most powerful in your vocabulary — And here is why:

It will change someone’s behavior

It will fulfill your wants and needs

It will create equality

It will prove that you value yourself

This word changed my life and allowed me to get my ‘power’ back.

Now, when my boss asks me to do something after hours, I respond:

“Yes, only IF I can start an hour later tomorrow”

Or if my partner asked me to do the washing up for the second night running,

I say:

“Yes, only IF you spring clean the rest of the house tomorrow.”

I noticed by adding the word ‘if’ followed by my need, would make the other person think twice about whether they still wanted me to follow through with their request.

If they still agreed, then I equally had my needs fulfilled…

… As well as established my boundaries. Thus, I felt good about doing what they asked.

The truth is…

… A lot of the time, people will end up saying

“Actually, it’s not that important — don’t worry about it.”

This was a big learning lesson for me, because often when people ask us to do something urgently, it’s rarely as urgent as we think.

I created more urgency in my mind due to the fear I created.