Humor | Fiction

The Magic Wisdom from Trees

Even A.I. couldn’t mess that up, could it?

Inspired by ‘X Æ A-Xii’ and the intersection between A.I. and Nature (trees) on the ‘meaning of life’

Little X Æ is precocious and curious about life. Elon’s Bot A-Xii in 2021 is not fully developed yet but nevertheless is given an inadvertent test run against Little X Æ’s active mind.

Little X Æ wants to ask Bot A-Xii some of life’s meaning. Knowing Little X Æ’s attachment to parks, Elon sets Bot A-Xii to the Magic-Wisdom-of-Trees program.

Little X Æ pauses only a moment looking for permission to start from Elon, who nods dotingly, setting down Bot A-Xii on its feet with a soft thud.

№1

Little X Æ (stares at his own reflection in Bot’s darkened monitor): Where do babies come from?

Bot A-Xii (beaming on suddenly like an old typewriter): The humans…the humans have many magic-wisdom-of-trees sayings…(a pause)…A man spreads his seeds. A tree is grown by its seed. A tree is known by its fruit. Fruits makes juice…Final answer: Fruits maketh the man and your fruit juice.

Little X Æ cracks a smile as hearing ‘juice’ is a favorite word and decides happily on the next question. Elon makes a slight frown but watches on.

№2

Little X Æ (pointing to Elon): Does daddy love mommy?

Bot A-Xii (voice sounds cracking): They are as close as bark to the tree. You’re barking up the wrong tree — Master is out of his tree!

While Little X Æ remains a little quizzical, Elon sighs with a quick press of the ‘reset’ button.

Elon eyes Little X Æ: Start again, son.

№3

Little X Æ (thinks harder): Where will I go when I die?

Bot A-Xii (calculating some moments with ‘doot-doot-doot’ sounds): Humans say…humans say: Don’t dig your own grave; Buy the farm…I’m stumped…(Elon turns the knob up on the Wisdom-of-Trees meter; Bot A-Xii’s voice pitches up a notch)…Knock on wood…in a nutshell…(Normalizing) Final answer: You’ll end up in a tree suit.

Little X Æ claps gleefully as hearing the word ‘suit’ is reminiscent of warm PJ’s. Elon raises his eyebrows concededly in thought to the answer.

№4

Little X Æ (thinking immediately of their backyard): How do I make the squirrels love me?

Bot A-Xii (automatically shooting off): That’s a knotty problem! Don’t be green with envy, turn over a new leaf, as that’s like nailing Jell-O on a tree!

Little X Æ is even more delighted hearing of familiar words as ‘leaf’ and snacks as ‘Jell-O’. Elon chuckles to himself in concession to Bot A-Xii’s knob adjustment adherence that did result in some form of tree wisdom.

№5

Little X Æ (curiously now): What shall I be when I grow up?

Bot A-Xii (buzzing softly from being already warmed up): The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree, and he that would eat the fruit must climb the tree.

Little X Æ feels elated so far with all the easy to understand answers. The words ‘apple’, ‘eat’, and ‘climb’ all pleasing. Elon contemplates the answers with a mental note.

№6

Little X Æ (wide-eyed): Will I like school?

Bot A-Xii (with increased decibels): Money doesn’t grow on trees! You’ll be up a gum tree without education. (More matter-of-factly) Master did go against the grain and never finished his Ph.D. but Master’s success showed he didn’t suffer from not seeing the forests from the trees.

Little X Æ keeps in quiet bewilderment to all the unknown words and looks up at Elon for support.

Elon (sheepishly smiles): This is Daddy’s program after all. How about a few more questions?

№7

Little X Æ (resumes cheerfully): What if I get bullied in school?

Bot A-Xii (sing-song like): Twigs and stones may break your bones but words will never hurt you. (Whispering in a low voice off program like a secret) Master learned karate and wrestling and can kick the bullies’ butts.

Little X Æ hums a little from the tune remembering some of the words like ‘twigs’ and ‘never hurt’. Elon looks at his watch indicating the need to near the end of this game. He nods at Little X Æ to finish up.

№8

Little X Æ (eyes smiling at the bot monitor again): Can I be your friend?

Bot A-Xii (in bright ‘doot’ sounds): Knot your socks off! And Elvis has left the treeehooooussseee…

Elon has already begun shutting Bot A-Xii down. Little X Æ giggles and playfully grabs his own feet from hearing the words ‘socks’ and ‘treehouse’. Elon quickly jots down a summary of all the questions Little X Æ has asked Bot A-Xii:

№1 About life. №2 About relationships. №3 About death. №4 About love. №5 About career. №6 About school. №7 About bullying. №8 About friendship.

He turns to Little X Æ (inquiring like a data scientist): So what did you learn about the meaning of life, today?

Little X Æ (starts counting on his fingers): One…Babies come from fruit juice…Two…Daddy is out of his tree…Three…I get a suit when I die!…Four…Squirrels love Jell-O…Five…I can climb trees and eat apples when I grow up…Six…(he hesitates from memory)..Gum? at school?…(Elon nods on with patience)…Seven…Bullies’ butts are no match to Daddy!…And the last one…Eight: Friendship is like knotting our socks together!

Elon pats Little X Æ on the head in affection and the Bot A-Xii’s program, Magic-Wisdom-of-Trees, is deemed not a total failure but it will need some further adjustments, he mentally notes. He writes down, ‘But keep the ‘Magic’ in the program’.

The End.

(Oh, and try to find all the tree idioms I used).

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