The Magic Happens When You’re All In
Why it’s better to commit to hard things
For the last few months, I've been in a holding pattern.
My day job was miserable. To combat the daily angst, I’d limited my workday to 8 hours and fiercely protected my writing time. Writing was where I escaped to have fun.
But despite all my efforts, keeping work confined, taking walks, eating and sleeping well, my daily work feelings got worse and worse.
The worse they got, the more I tried to time box it.
I was so miserable that I thought I’d have to quit.
Then I had an epiphany.
The paradox of resistance
Have you ever been stuck somewhere that you don't want to be?
It happened to me recently. I was out with friends and it was way past my usual bedtime. I wanted to go home to my boyfriend and puppy but my friends kept talking and ordering drinks while I struggled to keep my eyes open. I didn’t want to be impolite and leave early.
All I could think about was how badly I wanted to leave.
“I don’t want to be here, dear god help me, I don’t want to be here…”
With those thoughts on a loop, I wanted desperately to get out.
In these moments, its hard to realize a simple truth: we’re getting in our own way.
Deciding to dive in
Something clicked for me this week.
I realized I would actually like work more if i did more of it.
Counterintuitive, I know.
But the truth was, I was hating work because I was avoiding the hard parts of it. I wasn’t really engaging deeply. At least, not in the way I knew I needed to.
So I started working more. I started spending 9–10 hours a day deep in the weeds to actually knock the hard things off my plate.
I started deciding that I wanted to do it. I wanted to do it well.
And a really weird thing started to happen.
Work, which was previously making me miserable, started to feel fun.
Jump in or get out (being “uncommitted” sucks)
When you’re halfway between wanting to go and wanting to stay, you’re bound to feel miserable.
You don’t have a goal.
Your actions aren’t leading you in a particular direction.
It’s better to pick a direction, even if it’s hard, and know you’re working toward something, than to go back and forth and not make any progress.
Something about allowing myself to get deeply engaged in work unlocked a flow state in my brain that work didn’t bring before.
I no longer mind all the meetings, all the document-reading, or all the chores.
All my second-guessing that was holding me back is gone.
I’ve decided I’m all in.
Making the decision and sticking to it has made all the difference.
Hi! I’m Celia👋 I appreciate you reading this post! If you’d like to read more about writing, psychology, and productivity, give me a follow.
