The Magic Begins After You Give Up; The Aftermath of When Life Tires You

Why don’t people live their best life? Or forget about people. Tell me, why don’t you live your ‘best’ life?

And please don’t say ‘I cannot live my best life because my surroundings aren’t supportive or I don’t have what it compulsory to live that best life or I am still not in Barcelona so how do I live my best life?’

Your best life is not determined by ‘what you don’t have yet’ but by what you make out of ‘what you already have.’

I was one of the most confusing people before 2021. I was so underconfident and absent-minded that I needed people to tell me what was the best decision for me. In simple words, I was the kind of person who could never choose one if two options were presented.

I believe that’s because all my childhood, I only saw people comparing me with my cousins and neighbors just to come to the conclusion that they are so much better than me.

I had this belief that everyone knows better than me. Hence, even after growing up, I could never make my own decision whether it was career-related or buying jeans.

However, why am I telling you this?

How Are You Living Today?

The past three years of my life feel purely magical to me. That’s not because I had everything I wished for. In fact, these three years, I went through the most challenging situations in my life which, by the way, no one knows about.

Yet, the last three years of my life made me realize what I want and how simple life really is.

If you are thinking, ‘Renuka, please come to the point,’ here is what I mean:

Before 2021, I was living a life in which I wasn’t truly present. Yes, I was breathing and doing everything in my power to become successful. I was freelancing, working 9–5, and upgrading myself while reading a bunch of self-help books.

But when I look back in time, I find a person who wasn’t me. I was neither happy nor satisfied with my life. I was tired and overwhelmed with my work. I had no idea where was I headed and what was I working towards.

I was working hard, sure. But for what?

I was doing freelancing and a full-time job but was it the kind of work that made me happy? No!

The fun or perhaps worst part is whilst I was living this life, I never questioned it. I thought my hard work would pay off. I had a mindset that to upgrade myself, I must read a lot, watch a lot of great documentaries, and all that long list.

I just ‘thought’ that one day, I will become successful.

Day and night, all looked the same. Winter and summer, all went working. I kept doing what I was told a ‘writer’ should do. But I never took a pause to question myself ‘What kind of writer do I want to be?’

But I believe life tires everyone. And it did tire me. I was so fed up with all the work that I eventually gave up. I left my job and stopped freelancing as well. Nothing was working. Nothing was making sense.

The Magic of Giving Up:

What happens after you give up?

In my experience, magic begins after you give up.

When I did, I didn’t just give up my job or freelancing career. I also GAVE UP on what I had learned from the world.

I gave up the definitions and beliefs I had unconsciously picked up from my surroundings which, obviously, led to a life that didn’t feel like mine.

I was still that confused girl who didn’t know what she wanted. But at least, the burnout made me realize what I didn’t want.

I didn’t want the success that came from the death of my soul. I didn’t want the happiness that I thought was waiting for me at the end of the struggle period. I didn’t want to write something that didn’t come from my heart. So, I gave up.

I gave up on the idea of success and happiness. I gave up on the idea of becoming a successful writer who makes $10k/month.

And then, it was time to question ‘What do I want then?’

If I didn’t like what I had learned from society, then what do I want? How do I want to live?

The answer doesn’t come in the blink of an eye because we have the habit of following a definite path. Just because you become conscious suddenly doesn’t mean all the answers will be presented to you in a second.

It takes time to figure out what you like and then to gradually create a life that matches the rhythm of your heart.

But The Magic Starts With One Thing At A Time:

When I ask you, what you want in life, you start to imagine all the unfulfilled desires of your mind.

A trip to Italy or an apartment in the South of France or perhaps, getting that bonus, and this list has no end.

We are taught to believe that life has to change in big ways so we can start to enjoy it or that we must have everything at once to feel secure enough or perhaps, we must do a lot of things to become successful.

But the truth is, you are just one small person. You cannot change your entire life the moment you realize you are doing something wrong. You cannot flip the switch and change the course of your life entirely.

The magic begins with one change at a time.

In my case, when I gave up on the externally focused definitions, I started doing just ONE thing that I knew made me happy. And that was writing articles on Medium. Mind you, I had no way of making money and my life was messed up.

Yet, I kept writing one article every day on Medium on the topic that spoke to me. I could have written on popular topics to get more attraction, thus money but I knew this time, I was taking a bet on myself. This time, I am choosing my own path. I am trusting that doing what I like will get me somewhere better.

And it did. After almost 1.5 years of consistently writing on Medium, I became someone completely different. My thought process became clearer. I started enjoying my work. I started enjoying my mundane life. And I used this confidence to write a book — The Art of Being Alone which is an international bestseller today.

How did life change so much?

It changed when I started doing more of the things that made me happier and gave up on everything that didn’t come from me whether it was wearing certain types of clothes, speaking in a certain manner, hanging out with people, or trying to network with people or becoming someone I didn’t choose.

Life becomes much more relaxed, lighter, and happier when you GIVE UP. The world and especially the self-help books have made us believe that we must keep going, keep doing more, and never even think of giving up. But, the real magic begins when you give up.

When you realize this isn’t who you choose to be and all this hard work is for something that you didn’t consciously choose. When you realize you don’t have to be anything better. When you realize that ‘I am tired of following this path that was predetermined by the world and now I choose to take the left turn and create my own path with one step at a time.’

When I say that the last three years have changed me as a person and made my life magical, it’s because, in these three years, I have done things that make me happy even if that means I no longer fit in.

I read, cook, wear simple clothes, wake up early, go to bed early, still carry weird earphones, write when I like without following any rules, crochet or dance for fun, and go to a cafe or walk when feeling bored. All these things may sound stupid, old-school, or too outdated and obviously, I no longer fit in with anyone. But it makes me happy. So I do it. Thus, building a life that feels magical.

So my advice at the end for you is — GIVE UP. Give up, and say out loud, ‘I can no longer carry on living this life that only makes me hungry for more and angry with myself. I no longer choose to walk blindly.’

And then start your real life that involves your heart and mind. A life where you consciously ask yourself ‘Do I want this? Should I try that? What do I want? But what if this risk works out for me?’

All in all, there is a power in giving up. It’s just a matter of time. Once life tiers you completely, you will too give up. Maybe you will feel like a failure, and you may want to cry but you will stand up again and this time, you will walk on the path that would follow the rhythm of your heart.

Conclusion:

In a world where giving up is considered a crime, choose to GIVE UP. You don’t have to continue doing anything that didn’t originate from your heart. If waking up early doesn’t make you happy, don’t do it. Stay up late and be the night owl if that’s when you feel more creative. If you don’t like matcha, don’t drink it just to fit in. If your career doesn’t satisfy you, explore other paths.

Just that, there is so much beauty in choosing to live a life that comes from you rather than dealing with the life that comes at you.

Read that again and then decide what you want for the rest of your life.