The Loss of Queer Safe Spaces | Why Belonging Is At Our Core
The other consequences of the rise in mass shootings & bigotry
Over the last 7 years, after a certain orange man descended a golden escalator, we have all witnessed countless tragedies, mass shootings, and increasingly bigoted people gaining a voice and a spotlight.
While violence has increased across the board and all bigoted violence is wrong, I wanted to speak directly to the violence against LGBTQ+ people.
I’m sick of it.
It feels like queer and especially trans people can’t go outside without being berated or assaulted. My partner was called a “faggot” a few blocks from our home in a progressive city in a progressive state. How 90’s of them! I didn’t even know people still used that word as a slur!
What makes it hard to wrap my head around is the loss of space we have experienced even though our lives have become more visible to the public. Gay bars have been declining. The number of gay bars in the U.S. went down by 37% from 2007 to 2019. And that was before the pandemic!
We got gay marriage in exchange for a loss of safe spaces for our community. This trend, I believe, is driven by capitalism's desire for profit which hurts niche venues, and the increased homophobia driven by an increase in our visibility. I’ve seen countless tragedies in places we thought were safe. Pulse Nightclub in Orlando. Club Q in Colorado Springs.
Whenever [insert tragedy here] happens, it is always another reminder to me of the countless people who walk around on a daily basis with an invisible hole in their hearts.
That hole comes from our intrinsic need to belong.
The LGBTQ+ community is losing its community spaces as capitalism and patriarchal white supremacist violence envelopes our worlds. It’s heartbreaking because it’s been a gradual slipping. A frog as the water rises and boils. Watching, knowing, but not being able to do anything about it.
🌈 Queer bars are disappearing across the U.S. to make way for more money-making venues (capitalism loathes niche venues)
🌈 Our spaces online have been corrupted by capitalism and made unsafe for us (Twitter and don’t forget Tumblr)
🌈 Threats of violence have skyrocketed as the rhetoric of “grooming” has increased
I mourn for the people who have directly experienced mass shootings, but I also mourn for our whole community and all other marginalized people. We deserve more. We deserve safe spaces.
But safe spaces are not merely about feeling safe. They are about joy, the fullness of life, our own freedom, and most importantly belonging.
In many ways, the violence we see is also about belonging. The need to stick with “your people” and the fear of losing them is partially why these young white men resort to violence. In their minds, they must prove their worth amongst their tribe.
It breaks my heart to know that there are so many scared kids out there who cannot express themselves fully due to the bigotry around them. Many of the people at Club Q or Pulse were once or still are scared kids including the shooters. The judgments and anger from people who are afraid of self-expression harm all of us by attempting to force us to be something else. The shrinking of yourself to “fit in,” the “go along to get along” mentality. We all do it at some point in certain spaces, but for some, it becomes their entire identity.
The alternative, of course, is why patrons are at gay bars in the first place. Rather than performing belonging, they were living it through dance, joy, singing, and laughter.
It is within us as humans to want to belong.
I just returned from Florida, a bastion of right-wing extremism as evidenced by Ron Desantis’ reign. But my story is not one of hate but one of love.
We went to visit my partner’s grandparents. The unconditional love in the truest sense of the word that her Christian Evangelical grandparents gave us was overwhelming. Before even stepping over the threshold, we were greeted with a warm glow and steadiness that encircled us in a protective layer away from the world and those that don’t want our love to be seen.
That is what love and belonging are all about. The feeling of safety and acceptance allows us to fully express ourselves and be seen fully.
We are all different & unique but all of us have the capacity to accept. The LGBTQ+ community deserves love, joy, and laughter, but all we ask from others is acceptance. I believe there are more allies than there are enemies. There are more people on this planet who accept and love us. It is always the right time to stand up and speak out against hate and violence. I hope no matter who you are, we can all stand up and speak out against hate no matter where it comes from and whom it’s targeting.
I invite everyone to reflect on what belonging means to you and send that energy to all who are marginalized, suffering, or feeling empty without a sense of belonging. I for one will be spreading that energy far and wide to all who need it.
In Solidarity & Community,
Sam ️ ♥️
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