avatarMichael Burg, MD (Satire Sommelier) 😬

Summary

The article presents a satirical take on the COVID-19 vaccine, its long-term effects, and the societal implications of vaccination choices.

Abstract

The piece, titled "COVID-19 Vax, Long-Term Effects," uses dark humor and sarcasm to address common misconceptions and fears surrounding the COVID-19 vaccine. It emphasizes the inevitability of death and serious illness regardless of vaccination status, while mocking the idea that vaccines contain harmful "bots." The author facetiously suggests that suffering from severe diseases is character-building and that by not getting vaccinated, one might take pleasure in the misfortune of others who fall ill due to COVID-19. Conversely, the article also points out the benefits of vaccination, such as potentially saving lives and contributing to herd immunity, while dismissing these points as "bullshit" in keeping with the satirical tone. The author also draws a parallel with the polio vaccine, lamenting its success in eradicating the disease in the United States.

Opinions

  • The author uses hyperbole to ridicule the fear of vaccine-induced death, suggesting that unvaccinated individuals might prefer dying from COVID-19 over living with the supposed long-term effects of the vaccine.
  • There is a clear satirical message that suffering from serious illness is not ennobling, as the article sarcastically implies, but rather something that vaccines aim to prevent.
  • The piece criticizes the choice to remain unvaccinated, highlighting the selfishness of potentially causing harm to others by spreading the virus.
  • The author employs irony to underscore the public health benefits of vaccination, including the reduction of disease spread and the protection of vulnerable populations.
  • There is an underlying frustration with the misinformation surrounding vaccines, particularly the unfounded fear of long-term negative effects.
  • The article takes a jab at anti-vaccine sentiments by suggesting, with clear sarcasm, that it would be preferable to bring back diseases like polio rather than continue the "evil" practice of vaccination.
  • The author's tone suggests a strong endorsement of vaccination as a means to ensure public health and well-being, despite the satirical presentation.

CHOCK FULL O’ BOTS

COVID-19 Vax, Long-Term Effects

Grim warning

Photo by Belinda Fewings on Unsplash

PLEASE 🙏 spend a minimum of 30 seconds reading this inflammatory mishmash of half-truths. If you do not, Medium dispenses odious PENALTIES. I wish I was kidding about that, but I’m not. Thank you 😃

Death

You’re going to die. There’s no doubt about it.

But, if you receive the COVID-19 vaccine series you are highly likely to die of something not COVID-related.

Get used to that fact.

If that disturbs you, feel free to OD on horse pills, or drink your own urine, to potentially hasten your demise.

As is said in the world of toxicology, “anything taken in sufficient quantity is a poison and can kill you.”

So, come to think of it, take your horse pills with a vast over abundance of water. That’ll drop your serum sodium level to such a critical point that you’ll suffer intractable seizures, develop brain swelling and check out.

Alternatively, just take a bunch of medicine intended to deworm a horse and maybe you’ll be lucky enough to go blind and have your liver fail.

Either scenario sounds WAAAAAAY more appealing than the years of life you’ll likely have to suffer through after receiving the evil COVID-19 jabs, chock full o’ bots ‘n all.

Serious Illness

Suffering through a serious, perhaps even life-threatening illness, is ennobling. Everyone should have the experience at least once in life.

So take the vaccine and live long enough to suffer miserably through cancer, or a series of disabling strokes or several heart attacks or lung disease that leaves you sucking on oxygen just to be able to sit up in a chair or an autoimmune disorder that attacks most of your key organs. You choose. There are so many good diseases and conditions one can fall prey to.

Again, the move here is simple and the outcome is pretty clear. Take the vaccine and live, almost certainly. Then, later in life, suffer like a mangy dog in the streets before succumbing to a hideous illness.

Alternatively of course, you might just live a long and happy life, dying in your sleep at a ripe old age, surrounded by loved ones.

Saving the lives of those around you

Not that they really matter of course.

Imagine the joy of knowing that because of your unvaxxed status and the unvaxxed you surrounded yourself with and convinced to remain unvaxxed you are responsible for serious illness or death in those folks while you escaped largely or completely unscathed. Oh joy! Good on ya!

However, by getting vaccinated and ensuring that your friends and family do the same, you’re highly likely to prolong their lives (and yours) long enough to die of something else (described above) or perhaps get hit by a bus.

Then again, as above, you might just live a long, happy and healthy life and die peacefully.

This of course, reminds me of a joke.

I want to die peacefully in my sleep just like my grandfather, not kicking and screaming like all of the people in the back seat of his car.

Then of course there’s all that other bullshit that people yammer on about …

… like getting vaccinated is the intelligent, proper and considerate thing to do. That public health measures — like vaccines — make an incredible amount of sense and have saved more lives than all the doctors who ever lived. There’s also the issue of profound peace and happiness that would result in a population largely immune to serious COVID-related illness and on and on. Oh, and maybe fewer kids would die.

But, as I’ve already noted, that’s all bullshit.

And finally, speaking of long term effects … You’ll be happy to know that I have been suffering horribly for decades from the long term effects of the evil polio vaccine I received as a child.

I would so much rather have gotten the disease and been incapacitated or killed by it. But, my freedom was stolen at a tender age and I was left to endure life, fully functional.

Let’s make America great again and bring back American polio!

We’ve made such strides prolonging our present pandemic. I know we can do as well with another disease that we used to be awash in. If only vaccines hadn’t eliminated it in this country. Darn!

Humor
Satire
Covid-19
Pandemic
Funny
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