The Little Hearts: Protecting Our Children During A Nasty Divorce

We have to put our conflicts aside and protect the children

Nobody marries intending for it to end in divorce. And yet, life happens, people change, and mistakes get made. We, as adults, must step in front of the children to prevent them from becoming collateral damage in our heartbroken battles.

Divorce is hard on everybody. I know. I’ve been there a few times myself. The ones that suffer the most, though, tend to be the children.

Divorce has to be handled very carefully to protect little hearts and their relationships with their superheroes, a.k.a. parents.

We owe it to our children not to change the vision of the other parent in their eyes. They are always allowed to love both of their parents. Their shoulders are not strong enough to carry your burdens.

Keep your mouth shut

I know it’s hard, believe me, but just don’t say anything if you can’t find anything positive to say about the other parent. When they are older, they will see things for themselves and they will look back on the parent that didn’t run their mouth with respect.

Bad mouthing the other parent is never okay. It will just make you look bad in the long run.

Civil

I know being civil is way easier said than done and, sometimes, it is just impossible. But if there is a way, please do it. It will make everyone’s life so much easier in the long run. Even if if takes years to get there, try to make it happen.

Jealousy

It’s hard not to be jealous when you hear your child singing the praises of a Disneyland dad. A Disneyland dad is a dad, or parent, who does little of the hard parts of parenting. They focus, instead, on buying presents and making memories, leaving the absent parent there to be the bad guy in parenting.

While it may be hard hearing about the other parent constantly and how much fun they had together, it’s good they feel they can talk to you.

Don’t ever forget or underestimate that every child needs a structured parent and a routine. And, they are probably talking about you just as much when they are at the ex’s house. Keep that in mind as they are singing your his or her’s praises.

Practice Stoicism

I know that you are probably grieving. You’re grieving for what could have been and what will never be. I am also very familiar with how devastating divorce can be. Not only is your heart broken, but you’re usually financially devastated as well.

However, there is no time more important than now for pulling your big girl panties up and plastering a smile on your face. It’s time to be the parent.

Go in the bathroom at night and cry like the rest of us do. Mourn, yell, and rage to your heart’s content. Get it out of your system, but get it out of your system when you have the time and your child is not watching. Right now, you have to be a rock for them or her or him.

You don’t have the luxury of falling apart right now.

I know it is hard to believe but this will stop hurting and it will stop being hard. I have been a single mother most of my life until I recently met and married my husband. My first two marriages were complete disasters.

Every time I thought my life had fallen apart, it was just making room for something better to enter. I just had to wait for it to get to me.

Because of the bad decisions I made in picking my husbands, my children are saddled with a deadbeat father who refuses to work just so he doesn’t have to pay child support. He doesn’t even have a cell phone. And he thinks he’s hurting me.

So yes, I have been where you are and it gets better and better and better everyday.

And my kids have seen me struggle, but they have never seen me quit and they never will.