The little girl I love- deserves an apology.
Because its high time!!
She is a little girl, aged around 4 or 5. She is bubbly and cheerful. Loves to wear co-ord sets and hates barbie dolls. Her eyes light up the moment she’s asked to get ready for travel. Less cranky and more happy.
That, was the description of the inner child within me.
I didn’t let her speak for years.
Now, I need to apologise.
Recognition and regrets
I remember her every day. I miss her. Sadly, I left her stranded years back. Stopped listening to her. Ignored her cries, her anger, her anguish. It feels like a betrayal.
My attempts to protect her went overboard.
Sometimes you hold on so hard, that it becomes difficult to breathe.
She was the home I returned to, at night, when the only thoughts I could hear were my own.
Today I want to look back and apologise to you..my inner self..the inner child..living inside me..the little girl I kept waiting for all this while
When I look back, I admire how she was happy and content. Reminds me of her photograph at Chilika Lake. Standing on the boat eating a packet of chips. Finding joy in everything, being carefree. Not a tad worried about anything.
Sometimes I feel, had I allowed her to speak, I wouldn’t have been as sceptical about the tiniest of things as an adult.
Apologies
Sometimes we need to go back to the basics.
Life was easy when we knew only two magic words- thank you and sorry.
She taught me that.
Yet I never believed in her. Always had trust issues like the average adult.
I foolishly thought she could not help me survive in the real world. Or whether she would have the emotional capabilities to handle difficult situations that occur when people leave.
Adulting works in a strange fashion. If you share your deepest feelings, some people reciprocate it in a similar way by offering moral support while others may use it as your weak point for their own benefit.
But we must realise,
The inner child thinks of everything as a game or a riddle. Play and its solved.
Acknowledging the inner child’s voice
Adults take and process everything as complicated. The inner child, on the contrary, thinks of tasks in a simpler manner.
It doesn’t pile up emotions like an adult. Do things your way and move to the other ones.
If you think of that deeply, its just like leaving things that broke and holding on to the ones that can still be fixed.
As we undergo the transition from being a teenager to being a responsible adult, relationship dynamics change. Emotional, mental, and physical capabilities are tested.
But we should ignore the gut feeling. The voice of that inner child.
After all, in the whole universe, this is the one thing that never goes wrong. Intuition.
Trust the process
We think that our inner child is innocent. Yes, it is. But when subjected to change, it undergoes metamorphosis.
As adults we recognise that shell. But we must remember to break it off.
Let that inner child soar high like a butterfly.
Don’t doubt the capabilities of your inner child.
We are what we are because of that innocence.
The first heartbreak is meant to be.
The first scar is meant to be.
Falling on hard ground is meant to be.
Just trust that inner child. Everything else will suffice.
So little girl, I have realised that life is just as easy as sticking your cheek to a flower and taking a picture if that makes you happy, one just needs to think of it that way.
I promise to love and prioritise you from now on.
Yours truly,
Ak.