THE LIGHT FACE OF REJECTION

What’s The Whole Point of ANY Date, Anyways?

What are we searching for? Why sex, no matter how good is the lowest aim.

It was two years ago. The light at the end of the tunnel was now a reality for me. I was pleased with the results of my inner work. Dancing, meditating and all the little things I was doing to heal myself were working.

And, the best of the best, I was starting a new relationship. My charming prince was (still is) amazing. Funny, patient, and, so important to me, very, very smart. We did not meet in person yet, but I kind of had a crush on him. OK, on his image, but anyway.

I, finally, found a gay I could talk with. No small talks. Challenging each other… sending videos about the things that grabbed our interest…

Is green energy as green as the mass media is telling us? What's the point of space tourism? Can we reverse climate change? Is there anything that transcends us?

I say yes, he says no, but that was even more exciting because someone who has such a different paradigm and is still open to challenge his/her own ideas is a rare encounter nowadays.

He was an intellectual delight.

There was a big red flag anyway… Whenever he was talking about his ex he was sooo bitter. Bitter to the point of obsession.

If somebody would ask me any advice about dating… “avoid the ones who are obsessing about their ex” would probably be the number one.

Yet, as most of us know, we are soo good at giving (and recognizing) good advice and so bad at following them. I told myself that I can set up an example and he will stop obsessing about the past and enjoy the present.

However, I knew I might fail. That made me hesitant. But one day, during my Biodanza class I entered into a different space of my heart. It was like coming face to face with a braver, more trustful, and resourceful me.

I don't know what it was. Maybe the music — “Don't stop me now”. Or the joy so alive in the room… but I heard this inner, confident voice silently telling me:

I am ready. I am done with shrinking and hiding, trying to protect myself from emotional pain.

I am strong enough. I can risk being hurt again.

Fast forward, two weeks later I was taking the plane to go back to Romania to meet him.

I loved it. He was REAL. He was even more enjoyable in person than online. All the important details we cannot pick from virtual meetings no matter how empathic we are… the smell, the touch… the closeness.

And, of course, the ex…

At the end of my staying in Romania, we were planning for our next vacation, one full week somewhere in the Romanian mountains, just two of us. Heaven.

Somehow, I sensed that I wanted more than him to have this relationship so I planned my vacation for January but I did not buy the tickets. I had a strange feeling about it.

And I was right.

It was like some bad romantic comedy. Mixed with some absurd drama. My lover vanished. No phone calls, no chatting, no nothing. Not even on his birthday...

It sucked. I spent some days trying to figure out what I did wrong. And crying and wondering how somebody can be so cruel…

But the truth was that I knew that he was not ready for a relationship. And no amount of blaming would help.

So I let myself cry. And I danced. A lot. And because one day per week was not enough, I've joined one Tantra Dance class.

Best decision ever!

15 January was the day we planned for my second trip to Romania. And because I've canceled my trip, that was the day of my first Tantra Dance class. That evening I came home and while meditating I had my Kundalini awakening experience.

Maybe it was just a coincidence. Maybe that was the Universe telling me I am on the right path, I don’t know.

What I know is that my pain vanished. A sweet nostalgia replaced it. I was grateful for my experience.

The thing that made me even more grateful was that I did not feel any need to judge him. There was no point in doing that.

I still can recall our conversation. It was like we had a walk into each other minds. I loved the sunny parts. My mind expanded because of him. Its inner landscape is richer. I love to take a walk and sit near an artwork that grew from our time together. And who knows… maybe in another life…

We kept in touch for a while. I was sad to see him still fighting with the past. But I had to let him fight his battles.

So the only thing I told him was that if just once he was unable to shake off his anger and he turned it against someone he loves he already paid too much for his obsession. And not just him. His loved ones too.

I hope it gave him something to think about. Now he is in a relationship and I wish him all the best.

As for me, I've learned a lot from our short relationship.

Did I take his actions as a rejection? Yes, I did. Did it hurt? Ohh, it did. A lot.

But, and this is a big BUT, it was worth it. It is not that I am stronger or wiser. It is more than this. I know that I have the skills I need to face rejection and learn from it.

And I know what I want in any relationship. Sex? That too.

But focusing on sex when it comes to a relationship (or a date) is like saying ”I want a house that has a floor”.

The floor is part of the house anyway… The quality of the floor is important, but so are the walls, the windows, and all the things that make a house.

Good sex is important, but also are trust, love, connection, and emotional safety.

And while some of us enter the dating arena for the sole purpose of having casual sex, even then we can set an intention that can enrich all the experiences we have.

Main is:

I want to be able to say ”I am a better person because I've met you”. And I want the same for my partner.

Of course, I am not into short-term relationships.

But for the ones who are… is not this something to at least dream about? To be able to say ”I had such a good date that I am still smiling when I remember it?”

And to know that your partner smiles when remembers you?

Is not this the most pleasant way to heal the wound that makes so many of us fear intimacy?

Why is it… why is it always nasty? Just once wouldn’t you love to see a blogger or boy: “Have you ever tried the penguin?” “Bang her until she waddles?” “No… you mate for life”… (The sweetest “Aww…” from the audience here). “Yeah… she goes out of work and you look after the kids it’s good her, is good for us…sort of co-parenting”… (Russel Howard — Why Philip Schofield Needs To Become A Porn Star)

“Happy Valentine’s day!” Or, if you are single, like me, “Happy independence day!” 🙃

This story was inspired by Joe Duncan’s heart-warming article “What’s the Whole Point of Your Relationship, Anyways?”

Thank you for reading until the end. 🙂

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