The Light at The End of The Tunnel

I remember deciding my senior year of high school that I would study abroad. I wasn’t sure where, but I knew I would do it. Months later, during that same year, the whole world shut down.

When I eventually was studying at my university, in-person, I still had my same dream, but it had become fervent.

Before my first year of college, I moved across the country, back to the city I was born in. I was excited and ready to be close to my extended family again, but I had no idea what was in store for me.

Studying abroad was the light at the end of the tunnel for me. My first two years of college sucked. There were good moments of course, but it wasn’t what I had expected at all. The pandemic turned the world on its axis.

Living in a foreign country became my ultimate goal during my second year of college. I was lonely, and tired, and struggled to make friends, and I missed the state I had perviously called my home. My first year of school was thrown away, consumed by the beast of covid, and my whole college career was off to a rocky start.

I remember sitting on the twin sized bed in my dorm room, scrolling through TikTok. I saw a video of Edinburgh, Scotland, and my stomach dropped. This was the place. I could feel the pull of the city on me from miles away. That’s probably such a Gen Z way to make a decision, but that’s how I made it nonetheless.

I’ve always had high self-efficacy, but I never saw proof of it in such a large scale until it was time to ship my life away to a different country. Once I started to zone in on Edinburgh and the country of Scotland, there was no going back for me. As silly as it is to say that I decided off of a ‘feeling’, that’s what I did. Call it a whim, or call it intuition, but regardless I’m glad I trusted myself. Now, after having lived through the experience, I can tell myself, I told you so, everyday.

Back to my rickety bed in my closet-sized room, this video had made me feel an excitement I hadn’t felt for ages. The pandemic left me depressed, hopeless, and lacking joy, as it did for many others across the globe. But once I dialed in on Scotland, it felt like every time I would research, or plan, or organize something in regard to the trip, my heart would defrost a little bit each time.

There are so many moving pieces when it comes to studying abroad. I didn’t have a lot of support through my university, and I had no clue what I was doing. I had the motivation though, and it turns out, that’s what I needed. As I filled out the countless documents and applications, I could remind myself of the end result. During my twelve hour shifts at the restaurant I worked at, I would think about stepping into the city of Edinburgh for the first time. My first day wouldn’t exactly go as planned, but I didn’t know that then. Feel free to check out the story below if you want to hear the mishap that consumed my first real day in Edinburgh.

Anyway, I had a purpose again, and it felt so good.

For me, Edinburgh was my light at the end of the tunnel. I will graduate this December and I can easily say that studying abroad was the best time of my college career, and easily the best time of my life.

Don’t get me wrong, it’s hard acclimating to a new country. My blind optimism made this extremely surprising for me. But after adjusting, I finally felt alive again. I remember my parents telling me that I looked happy again. Maybe that could be misconstrued as an insult, but that was the best thing I could have heard at that moment. Because I was happy. And it took that comment for me to realize how unhappy I’d been for the past two years before going abroad.

Some places just agree with people. Some places make it easier to breathe. Studying abroad in the city of Edinburgh changed my life. Everyday, I chase the happiness I felt there. I hope I will see it again soon.

Mags