The life satisfaction curve
Why you’re likely to be happier as you age
Life satisfaction (according to the research) peaks at about 10 years of age when life is all about the joys of discovery without any real responsibility. It drops a little each year through the teens because, well, teenager-dom is hard and continues to drop a little more each year in the early twenties as you try to figure out who you are — that’s hard too, but largely your responsibilities aren’t too onerous. Chances are, you’re likely living with or are supported by parents or relatives.
However, it really heads south at about 25 years of age and doesn’t rebalance back up until 55-ish. Yep, there are about 30 years of hard-core slog to be reckoned with.
The middle years satisfaction slump
That’s because that middle section of life is full of heavy-duty responsibilities — find a job, get a career, move up in career, find a partner, get married, buy a house, have kids, upsize house, raise kids, school kids, pay off mortgage, manage 401Ks, etc. There’s a lot to think about. A LOT of things to manage. a lot of people to manage. And chances are, you’ve a lot to prove to yourself and others along the way.
That’s not to say there’s no fun in there. Not at all. At some point you’re likely to work with some awesome people and love going to work and/or you’ll fall in love with the work you do. Then, if you meet the love of your life — there’s joy in that too and lots of work. And having children —that’s possibly some of the hardest work you’ll ever do, but the laughter, joy and rewards are huge. But they’re tiring — and not just when those children are little.
All of that is then coupled with rent, car repayments, mortgages if you’re lucky, budgets, dinner EVERY. SINGLE. NIGHT, etc — all time and energy vampires.
The mental load during that middle stage of life is massive. It’s not like college where you could prep up like a crazy person for a couple of weeks prior to finals and then relax until next semester’s finals (yes, I know, not everyone’s like that). Rather all these things combined and sustained over a really long period of time, make for exhausted, burnt-out humans. Even the ones that actually get to take a vacation from time to time.
Once upon a time, when people lived in tight-knit communities, there would be a team of people to help you weather the storm — whatever storm came your way. Sick? No problem, there was likely your parent or grandparent upstairs, down the hall or across the road to nurse you or a couple of families down the road to provide your family with food and mind the kids. Need a new barn/harvest crops? There’s a team of folks to help you barn raise or get the crops in — as long as you were available for a bit of quid pro quo down the track. Not so any longer, now that we’re all very independent of each other. Now, you and yours need to do it for yourselves — day in, day out.
Add to that the quarter-life crisis (who am I, what do I want, what am I doing and how do I get where I want to go) and the mid-life crisis (is this all there is) and it’s well, frankly, it’s any wonder those middle years are a bit of a shit-show.
But wait there’s hope — popping out the other side
By 55, maybe earlier, maybe a bit later, you start to come out of all of that — thank god!
However, what if, maybe, you hadn’t gone through all of that, you’d be even more miserable? Just ask all the trust fund babies who have no need of careers or have to work hard and sacrifice to pay rent, put fuel in a car, purchase a home under their own steam. What of their satisfaction levels?
Maybe it has more to do with the fact that by the time you get to 55-ish (and I’m going to assume it varies considerably depending on life circumstances), you’ve learned some good, and likely hard lessons. You know who you are, you’ve made your peace with life’s ups and downs and are likely to truly understand that for all the earnest striving in your 20s, 30s and 40s, you’re likely to need so much less than you thought you did. Yes, really.
Greater life satisfaction is not about achieving financial nirvana (whatever that is), being able to travel the world first class at the drop of hat or a million, two or ten in your 401K.
Rather, you think less about the accumulation of stuff and money and more about the truly valuable things like time, family, friendship and what brings you joy. That’s what you focus on, not the other stuff.
The research also shows that by 65-70 you’re laughing and you’ve got the wrinkles to show for it. If you live well until 85, you’ve got 30 good and satisfied years ahead of you after 55 to truly enjoy.
So if you’re currently in the midst of the satisfaction slump, fear not! Just keep going. There’s good times ahead, I promise. And joy out the other side.
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