The Life-Changing Guide About What Not to Do

Focus on skipping the failure to buy back your time

One of my first girlfriends died in a car accident.

She had so much impact on my life that she inspired me to write my first book.

It was in the year 2000. I was 24 years old. The passion I had for her was so strong that the story I started to write in my journal was transformed into a book.

The book’s title is “Talking with the Sea.”

Vera was her name. She was born in one of the most iconic world surf class beaches of Portugal. I was fascinated by this exotic girl. A young sports guy from a mid-size city falls in love with a beach girl.

People who live near the ocean have some kind of connection to the water and life itself. And Vera had that intensity. She was bigger than life. Somehow, she changed my way of seeing the fisherman’s hard life — the severe winters on the beach. The difficulty to have some money to eat.

People who are depending on the ocean to live are heroes. The way they fight against mother nature is fascinating. With insufficient resources, small boats, and little security, they go to the high seas, fighting turbulent waters to grab some fish.

Vera’s father was one of them, and she suffered every time her father was working. Maybe this insecurity of not knowing if parents would return alive from another battle against the deep blue sea, being the fuse for that huge flame that people who live near the ocean have.

Vera had that flame that fired me up. She loved to live life and also to take risks. One of her passions was cars. She loved to drive fast. To feel the adrenaline of a good rally race in the tight roads near the ocean.

Until one day, things went wrong. Driving cars can get you killed. I was devastated.

That was the first lesson I had about what not to do.

Deciding What Not To Do is As Important As Deciding What To Do

In places like North Korea, we know life doesn’t have the same height as in Europe, the USA, or Australia. Unfortunately, politics still see life as a weapon of power. But we’re in an era of peace like in no other period of human history.

Yet, sometimes life is meaningless to some people. They think they’re invincible and immortal, and because of that, they’re not among us anymore.

Life and time are priceless.

I knew that from a young age. I lost one of my best friends because he thought he could use his body the way he wanted. Smoking whatever he wanted. Eating whatever he wanted. And at a young age, his body collapsed.

I lost one of my girlfriends because she thought driving a car at high speed was secure enough for her to have some fun. Until it didn’t anymore.

I learned some things about what not to do at a young age, for the worst reasons and in the worst possible way.

If You Want To Have More, You Have To Become More

Another thing I’ve learned was about the law of attraction.

We can’t change the circumstances, but we can change ourselves. And by observing life in a telescope, you can find patterns about what people do: like family, friends, friends of friends.

We can observe and learn. That’s why at a young age, I knew drugs and cars were dangerous. I learned it the hard way. So, that was probably my first lesson about what not to do to preserve my life.

What we have, we attract by the person we become

My grandfather was the first photographer in my home town. As you can imagine, in the 1940s and 50s everybody knew him. He was a charismatic person, and everybody loved him.

And one of the first lessons he gave me was: respect others for them to respect you. As time passes, I realized that that principle was correct. My grandfather never had significant problems with his clients because he respected them before they respected him.

So, a barrier was built before anyone could try to do anything mean to him. That barrier was: respect.

A few years later, at an international conference, I heard someone saying something similar: what we have, we attract by the person we become.

It’s undoubtedly more comfortable to blame the government, blame society, and blame our family if things don’t go well. As we believe it or not, when things don’t go as we plan, that’s because we attract those things.

I lost a friend and a girlfriend because they attracted the danger that took their lives.

And if you want to have a life of no meaning, just be close to those with the same premise. If you’re going to be successful in life, be close to the ones who are successful.

The same principle works on what not to do. If you’re surrounded by successful people, you realize they follow specific patterns. There are things they don’t do, period. Because they know what not to do. They could observe at an early age the result of wrong decisions.

So, they avoid them.

Final Thought

These principles are elementary to follow. But as you have probably noticed, it’s simple to do, but it is also simple not to do.

You can avoid certain things; you can observe and be aware of what not to do. It’s simple. You just have to be focused.

It’s like a list — a list of things of what not to do.

However, if you live in a bubble, this process can be harder to achieve. People who live in a bubble usually can’t see what’s happening around them. They are so focused on themselves that they throw the blame outside the bubble when something goes wrong.

My advice is to start observing people as David Attenborough did with the wild animals in the Savannah.

Try to understand why people do what they do. And by observing humans, you start to find patterns on what not to do. You begin finding principles for success, but you also find guides for avoiding failure.

"Respect others for them to respect you."- My grandfather

Finding principles that work on successful people encourages us to make a list of things not to do.

Before you find those principles, you’re gonna struggle, not with other people, but with yourself.

What we have we attract by the person we become.- Jim Ron

Thank you,

Nuno