The Lessons I Learned From Being a Mother
How to become a good mother is a fairy tale dream of every struggling mom
I am a mother of two very young boys. My elder son will be three years old this coming February, and so far, the entire concept of motherhood appears to fell flat on my face for not so apparent reason.
Back in my college days, when I was studying unmathematical things just for the fun of it, I was very fond of children and used to be good at taking care of my nieces (which I still do).
Perhaps, this is the sole reason why at the early stage of coming to womanhood, I was prominent among my friends for being so dedicated to my nieces. They were even jealous of me. Oh yeah, they should. I was so perfect in what I was doing.
They praised and strengthened my confidence in believing that one day I am going to be an excellent mother.
A Beautiful Delusion to Live By
I idealize that praise because it does bring a brief moment of satisfaction in my life. It was like I had achieved something which was beyond my reach. In another sense, they doomed me for a lifetime. It reminds me of a powerful saying,
All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.~Ambrose Bierce
I even bragged in my early days as a medical student to become a pediatrician just because of my love for kids — what a childish thought. They badly mocked me for that. Let it be the story for another time.
So What Happened When I Evolved as a Mother?
My transformation to motherhood is a crazy one. I wouldn’t say I failed badly. But it shattered all my expectations in believing the hard truth. It was that time of my life when the realization hits hard that taking care of a child of your own is not another fairytale adventure.
It’s a nerve-wracking responsibility if you are determined to raise emotionally healthy kids. To be honest, my first child proves to be a tough one.
Keeping this in mind, let me share with you some of the lessons of achieving motherhood that I learned while nurturing my young ones.
⏰Not having enough time for myself
Fortunately for me, I quickly learned this lesson as my kids will never leave me alone, no matter how much I yearn for child-free time.
It is where I let my guards down and let them ruin the fantasy world where I was living in for so long. Now I feel more relaxed and spending some quality time with my children instead of finding ways to shunt them off my routine.
🙅🏻Use of positive gestures
The use of positive gestures has a lasting effect on your child’s mental health for the years to come. Or, in my case, a tight bouncy hug can do the trick.
Unapologetically, I hug my kids a lot. They are like two cute little bunnies lost in the track of reaching boyhood. I hug them so tightly that they have to struggle hard to get out of my grip.
Of course, they don’t like it but who have asked about their opinion. I considered it the sacred part of my revenge time for the crazy fuss they create all day long.
Understanding your child is a hell of a job. But it’s worth your time. They will not listen to you. They will cry louder when you stop them. Appreciate them, and they will follow your every move.
👶🏻Assist your children in everything
Assist your children in everything, but don’t brag about it. Oh, yes, it should be the motto of every new mom. Before becoming a mother, I used to do chores for my nieces. Because spending quality time with them was a priority to create a never-ending bond with them.
But now, as I become a mother, I have learned the art of doing the exact opposite. I realized that it is okay to let them figure out things for themselves.
Assist them in household chores without encouraging them to start pouring stuff on themselves. Give them a sense of commitment from a very young age. Of course, I do all these things to keep up with my sanity.
In another sense, keep them busy for heaven’s sake so that they don’t intrude on your privacy for not so nonsense reasons.
👨👨👧👧Don’t build castles in the air
When you are with your kids, don’t build castles in the air. What I mean to say is that be mentally present when they are physically active.
The best thing about parenting is that when you are with your kids. Be with them both physically and mentally. Be alert because, unlike you, they have fast reflexes, and they will dodge you when you doze off.
Engage your children with you if they are hyperactive ones. Do all sorts of activities with them, such as playing, reading, and even cooking with them. Spoil your dishes but not them.
🙇🏼Be there for your children
Show them you’re there for them no matter what. It is absurd. Okay. My kids barely know how to make 3-word sentences. We communicate through our gestures and mostly rely on the magic of sign language.
Though I regularly speak with them on various life topics, they are smart enough to ignore my tactics by avoiding eye contact as much as possible.
🍎Be mindful about their eating
It’s okay if they are not eating as per your expectations. Just be careful not to starve them up.
Yes, they did make my life miserable with their messy table manners. My in-laws hugely criticized me for the chaotic show they make while eating, but now I am not bothered. I just cleaned their mess afterward.
It’s okay if they are not eating as per my expectations. Let them decide when they are ready for a munch time, seize that moment of opportunity, and then feed them non-stop.
⛹Play with them instead of shouting all the time
Oh, God! I have spoiled them to such an extent that sometimes I have no clue how to handle them properly. I feel so vulnerable at times, and I guess this is the most troublesome thing about parenting.
Play instead of shouting at them for all the crazy mess they make. The point is to fully understand the power of being a mother and politely lures them into behaving well.
👨👨👧Chit-chat with your husband in the presence of kids
You will never be alone or alone with your partner. They are everywhere. Accept this and learn how to adapt to this new change.
In my case, this trick works. Value your partner in the presence of kids, and in turn, your children will value you. I never knew about this before, but this thing works in my favor.
🎭Take care of your mental health
Motherhood is mostly full of listening to the crap of others. Everyone wants to give their opinion on the ideal way to raise the baby. But nobody is bothered about your mental wellbeing. Let alone find time for yourself.
Eat properly. Turn off technology if it suits you and read a book or do something relaxing in your child-free time. I know we all need a word of comfort from our loved ones as the day passes by.
😆Laugh and be silly with your child
If you want to raise emotionally healthy kids, then adapt this quality within you. Spending time with your children is very important for their emotional growth and stability. Laugh and be silly with your child is your only option.
Final Thoughts
Being a mother is a beautiful experience in a woman’s life. Their smiles, their giggles, and their pride in accomplishing new things are worth living every moment.
Despite all this, there are still things about motherhood that drive me crazy. It’s a phase of my life I didn’t study for, and it’s full of experiences and challenged I have never undergone before.
I think we should enjoy everything, even the things that made us lose our sanity, and try to spend quality time with our children whenever possible.
Thank you for reading.
If you are interested to read more of my writings, you may read the following one published in The Masterpiece.
