Abuse Has No Excuse
The Lesser-Known Evil Techniques Female Narcissists Use To Get You To React
Sit back, relax and enjoy the show.
My good friend has just received another pointless text message from his ex-girlfriend who is a malicious narcissist. In the last year, there have been over 100 nonsense emails sent to him just to gain his attention. Unfortunately, he has two underage sons with her so sometimes he has to respond.
Most of the time he ignores her messages — they are just pathetic attempts to get his attention. He clicks “ignore ”and laughs. But it takes a lot of time and strength to get to the point where you see a narcissist for what they are truly are — pathetic, miserable souls who just would want to be loved and admired.
My friend hoped the narcissist would cease the attempts for the contact but she is still here, stalking him, prying, lurking in the shadows…just like Gollum who has lost his “precious ”ring.
Maxwell Jordan pointed out in his elaborative article how going no contact will trigger a narcissistic rage and hopefully make them stop reaching out.
I agree with him. But some narcs are more persistent than others and some are more creative. This one is pure evil and she comes up with various techniques to get my friend’s attention.
Some of these techniques are unorthodox and sickening but it’s important to speak of them, so you don’t fall into the trap and give the narcissist what they want — a reaction. So here there are:
“You are clueless — we need to talk! I will explain it to you, but we must speak face to face!”
The ugly truth is that narcissists would do anything and everything to get what they want. They want to get a reaction but most worryingly they want to stay in your life. My friend’s ex hasn’t seen my friend face to face in a year: he does all in his power to avoid her, he drops the kids at a neutral place, travels a lot and takes his children with him when the court order allows him.
Yes, unfortunately, the children live with her. The court system prefers mothers over fathers.
His ex comes up with the most ridiculous excuses to see him face to face, she involves his parents, the school, the “pseudo” psychiatrist (a friend of the ex) just to get him to respond. She arranges meetings and demands that his presence is needed in person.
Don’t fall for the trap when the narcissistic ex says that “it’s essential” for you to meet up in person, attend school meetings or consult with them on something child-related.
It’s so painful to say no to these things — because of course you want to be involved in your children’s lives and you might feel as if you are a not good enough parent if you don’t. But there are other ways how to stay involved and there are ways where you should exclude meeting the narcissistic ex in person.
They have a malicious agenda for everything they do.
“My health is suffering and so is the health of your children…”
When you ignore the above and do things your way — stick to no response, speak directly with the child’s therapist or school. The ex will erupt like a volcano or would take a different approach — guilt-tripping.
If know of narcissistic women who have suddenly joined mental health groups for kids suffering from “stress”, started posting mental health posts to appear vulnerable and depressed — and tagging their ex-partners. Desperate right?
When the text messages and emails go unanswered the psychotic narcissistic ex will try to project the “suffering” persona to the public to humiliate you and make you respond. And if you don’t respond — then obviously you don’t care about your kids.
Well, that’s not true! You care. A lot.
My friend’s ex has even gone so far that she has made asked to raise money for the awareness of the Depression diagnosis— their sons are healthy. She publicly said that their kids are suffering from Depression symptoms and have been diagnosed but that’s not true! All just to get his response.
This behaviour is not only sickening but it’s another common trait among malicious narcissistic mothers — faking illnesses to gain sympathy.
Don’t respond — or report it as fraud.
Again, it’s heartbreaking to see your kids being “pseudo diagnosed” by a sick mother — but you can keep fighting the system or settle for now, and wait for your children to grow up and then they will learn the truth that would ultimately destroy their relationship with the narcissist.
“You weren’t responsive so I had to take drastic measures… it's for the best. Trust me — I know.”
Narcissists are pathological liars. One of my other friend’s ex lied that she had cancer and joined support marathons for those who are cancer survivors. They just have no remorse, moral code, or empathy — they would lie that they are terminal ill just to get your response.
They will come up with lies so so outrageous that others are at a loss where to even begin to refute it. The worst is that the narcissist would even believe their lies because lying is so natural to them. Many of them are delusional.
They know that the bigger the lie, the more it may overwhelm others’ critical faculties.
They would fake evidence such as medical records, credit-cards bills, school reports just to prove a point. They would exaggerate to the extremes to eliminate doubt and get control over you.
Don’t believe a word from the narcissistic mother, don’t believe even your child — unfortunately, narcissists are experts in parental alienation. Always go to independent sources to find the truth.
“Either you will pay me, or I will have to limit contact between you and your children.”
My friend’s ex would always try to give my friend a choice of lesser of two evils. At first, he would play the game and take the lesser undesirable option. But not anymore — now he just ignores and does exactly the opposite of what she expected.
She wanted him to pick the kids at 6 PM at her place? No way, he picked them from school. She wanted him to “have a discussion” about the child in person — no way, discussions are only via email. He knows that narcissists use this technique to justify control and abuse.
Narcissistic women use two main tactics:
- They want to shock you;
- They want to guilt trap you;
They want to raise difficult emotions to gain control over you. They will come up with nonsense excuses for you not to see your kids, some of them are:
- “My cat died — so you can't see your children this weekend”;
- “My mum has cancer, but I am sure she will make it because actually, she might just not have it…but anyway… let's wait and see…please respond!”
- “The teacher at school is abusive towards our child — we should make a meeting with them, but only in person. But perhaps he is not abusive, I confused the facts!”
- “I fell down the stairs and I could not remember the dates you were to see your children so we would have to reschedule…”
- “I was attacked by an Uber driver and our children are scared that something will happen to me so they will have to stay with me this weekend instead of you. But I won't go to police…(because obviously, it’s a lie).”
Yes — these excuses are real. They will do all in their power to control you, your emotions, your life and your children. Don’t let them. Don’t fall it — don’t respond.
The problem is that it might take years before they stop emailing and texting you; you might need to get the restraining order — but perhaps that's what they want? A reaction.
Instead, sit back and enjoy the show — I know, it’s hard. But if you want to keep your sanity, have a meaningful relationship with your children and ultimately destroy the narc — then just don’t do anything.
Ignore them. They are sick people and unfortunately they damage so many children around us and the law is so behind with protecting children from narcissistic abuse.
But everyone gets what they deserve in this life, or the next one.
One way or another.
Narcissists don’t get over anything. They can’t feel emotions like we do. They don’t care or love for anyone else except for themselves. They are unable to.
But you, my dear amazing loving and strong fathers — you will get over the narcissist and one day, you won’t even remember their names.
#Abusehasnoexcuse #Justiceforfathers JS Adam
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