The Latest Conspiracy: The Erasure of the Global Empire of Great Tartary

I wanted to believe.

When you think of Tartar, what comes to mind?

My first though was the popular fish sauce. Little did I know the rabbit (fish?) hole that one could descend down with that innocent sounding word and an internet connection.

I spent the greater part of Saturday flipping through YouTube videos

attempting to convince myself of the truth behind the latest conspiracy to catch the attention of those of us with half a brain (or less): the erasure of the Great Tartary Empire.

If you are unaware of the conspiracy circling YouTube, Reedit, and the internet in general,

then you are unlikely to have ever heard of the Great Tartary Empire. They are not, as I originally guessed, known for their fish sauce. In the objective real world that we all occupy, Tartary was the Western European name given to the region of Asia occupied by the ironically mostly landlocked Mongol Empire.

In real life, Tartary was generally central Eurasia stretching from Prussia through Serbia, occupying parts of Russia, China, Iran, as well as all of Mongolia. The name was popular from the 13th to the 19th centuries.

In the conspiracy theory which was brought to our awareness again on a satire website in 2016 after having failed to gain traction previously throughout the 1990s, Great Tartary is a fallen technologically advanced worldwide Empire.

The reason none of us have heard of it before is because the sinister Powers That Be want it that way.

That want us to forget that a technologically advanced peaceful worldwide diverse culture existed. The Powers That Be certainly have succeeded in accomplishing that goal.

According to the believers of the conspiracy, the main proof that the (Satanic?) forces who control the world are carrying out this grand deception can be found in architecture supposedly from the 18th and 19th centuries around the world.

During this time period, Neo-classical Greco-Roman architectural style was in vogue, and many buildings being constructed world-wide reflected that. Believers in the conspiracy say that people alive during that time either: couldn’t possibly possess the skill to construct buildings in such a manner or didn’t possess the technological know how to do so.

Any blueprints or construction plans presented to them or met with shouts of “liar!” or “devil worshipper!” and the like.

“Nothing as far as the eye can see from horizon to horizon. Nothing except for the large, ornate, multi-story, multi-room building that seems incredibly out of place.”

“I suppose now we won’t have to build it later.”

In their own videos and posts, they often muse why the original settlers of locations with these buildings don’t mention the hard to miss comparatively large and ornate building very near them when they settled down in such places as Sydney, Australia, Oklahoma City, Oklahoma, and Seattle, Washington.

The idea that the Tartarian people built these cities all around the globe stretching from North America to Africa to Australia, but never built a capital city of their own in their native homeland of Tartary is a question that never seems to cross their minds.

Or maybe those ancient forests covering central Eurasia are just a clever Satanic ruse.

Either that, or they figure that the Mongols were traditionally a nomadic race, and thus always sought to be anywhere but Mongolia. But that’s my idea. As much as they need my help, I really shouldn’t just give it for free to support their wonky theory.

The other wobbly legs under this theory are even weaker offering less evidence.

There’s the mud flood. This was the big event that occurred worldwide sometime between 1850 and 1900 that buried many of the city-states of Great Tartary under mud.

This, they say, is why many buildings around the world have half-windows on the basement floor.

The idea that this was just popular design at the time is unfathomable to adherents of the theory.

World War I and World War II were, according to believers, “False Flag” PsyOp operations undertaken to erase any further evidence of Great Tartary.

From this point on, feel free to throw in any of your own additional ingredients into the Tartary Empire erasure theory.

Everyone else has.

No one really seems to know. That’s part of the subtle genius of the theory. Since everyone was supposedly mindwiped (maybe, it’s a possibility), and all libraries everywhere have been meticulously scrubbed to remove any reference to them, the conspiracy is very adaptable to most any point of view and detail you care to add to it.

Do you like giants? Many Tartarian believers do.

Do you think Devil’s Tower National Park in Wyoming looks like a giant tree? So do I. Do you go one or two steps further and INSIST that it MUST be a tree, arrogantly contradicting the laws of geologic science?

I don’t. I didn’t. I couldn’t. I, unfortunately for my fantasies of an ancient Earth covered in giant trees, understood the geologist I found who explained the science to me in a way that made sense to my grown up adult mind. That made me sad. But it also made me more informed.

Or perhaps you consider yourself a scientist and swing wildly in the opposite direction?

Maybe you murdered your sense of wonder and your inner-child before you could walk. Maybe you learned the Pythagorean theorem before you ever heard of a book called the Bible that the weird kids growing up next door to you believed in.

(You didn’t discover until starting public school that the kids next door are actually in the majority, you communist.)

There are a couple of arrogant self-righteous scientists who I’d like to thank for their contribution last Saturday, throwing my brain the occasional lifeline as I sunk into a hypnotic stupor while watching the mud flood for yet a third time moving through the streets of San Francisco or Vancouver.

I would like to thank you, scientists, but you made it kind of difficult with your all-knowing condescending attitude.

First was the guy with the Master of Science in Geology who insisted that wood cannot under any circumstances turn to stone. I’d like to point to the existence of the Petrified Forest in Arizona as Exhibit A. Although he is on the obviously winning side of the argument, his wrong and unscientific assertion gave the wackos further ammunition.

The second scientist I would like to thank lumped in all things yet unproven as unprovable. He would have scoffed at Gobekli Tepe, or any of the underwater cities that have been discovered. He seemed to believe that all that can be discovered has been discovered. His inner child, if it ever breathed a single breath, has long been dead. This guy has no sense of wonder and zero imagination.

Thanks scientists. I now smile less, but I am more informed.

No wonder people don’t like you.

No wonder people buy into bullshit theories like Great Tartary. It’s more fun than listening to people like you.

There is the third scientist who explained to me in clear understandable terms that the Devil’s Tower in Wyoming cannot possibly be a former tree. He seemed like a normal dude. I am no longer ashamed to call myself a scientist.

Although I had to strike out one of my thirteen theories about the real past of the planet Earth, I appreciated his level-headed and respectful explanation. He also stayed on topic too which was a nice change.

The main reason I am irked by those who promote and espouse the Tartary erasure theory

is not that they bring out the worst side of scientists or that I wasted a Saturday trying to believe in them.

It’s that they’ve taken every inconsistency discovered outside of mainstream history and archeology and thrown it into the Tartary mix. This has serious ramifications setting back actual research into our true history by those capable of doing so.

These irrational jerks incapable of logical thought took a baseball bat to the knees of any reasonable alternative version of history that had any chance of knocking an already faltering mainstream Eurocentric point of view down for the count.

When these people accuse others of being Satanists and rewriting history, they need to take a look in the mirror. They are the one spreading lies and ignorance standing in the way of truth and progress.