The Last Songs I’ll Ever Play for You

How to pick the best goodbye songs: moving messages to share with family and friends

What’s the last memory you want to share with your family and friends? It’s likely to come through in a key song played at your funeral or memorial service.

Songs show the way you love them

Those last songs are literally your last chance to “say something” to family and friends when they are all together. What message do you want them to remember?

Leaving on a high note: In the films, High Fidelity, and Love, Actually, characters talk about what the songs at their funerals will say about them. That idea planted a seed.

Last March, our friend Jamie lost his young son, and he quickly put together a beautiful funeral Mass. The selection of readings and music was so moving, that I told myself I needed to start planning the “playlist’’ for my eventual funeral for two main reasons:

• My picking the songs spares family members (who tend to be shocked at the news of death) from the need of having to handle that chore.
• It’s the absolute best way to get it right, to share one final supportive farewell message.

Top 10 funeral “playlist’’ (both religious and secular)

I’ve reviewed how and why I picked each song so you can more easily select your own songs that are best for you. Funerals are how we say goodbye, giving meanings and closure to relationships.

Part 1: Music for the Church Service…

Gathering Hymn: “Be Not Afraid”

The gathering hymn, sung at the start of the Mass or service as the celebrants and the deceased and family enter, sets the tone for the final goodbye.

The funeral Mass for U.S. Rep. John Dingell (the dean of Congress and like me, a Polish American) opened with the “Be Not Afraid,’’ hymn, and it felt right. St. John Paul the Great made the words famous at the start of his papacy.

The lyrics are from Isaiah 43:2–3, Luke 6:20, and serve as reminders that we never need to be afraid, and that no matter how challenging life gets, we are never alone.

Key lyrics: “If you stand before the power of hell and death is at your side, know that I am with you through it all. Be not afraid. I go before you always. Come, follow me, and I will give you rest.’’

Offertory Song: “You are Mine’’

“You are Mine’’ is a hymn that makes me choke up and cry, a song people my age have sung since we were kids.

Written by Thomas Haas, a fellow Michigander, it’s especially popular in Catholic, Protestant as well as ecumenical services.

The song is so moving because it’s sung from the vantage point of God telling us that we are His children, created by Him for a special purpose, and when our lifelong early test is done, He will bring us home. It opens with a very personal relationship message that “You will hear My voice. I claim you as My choice. Be still, and know I am near.’’

Key lyrics: “Do not be afraid — I am with you. I have called you each by name. Come and follow Me. I will bring you home. I love you, and you are mine.’’

Communion: “I Am the Bread of Life’’

The first of Jesus’ seven “I Am’’ statements are shared in the Gospel of John, “I Am the Bread of Life.’’

It focuses on the “Source and Summit’’ of the Church that we join with Christ and have access to immortality through the Eucharist.

The lyrics mainly come from the Gospel: “I am the bread of life. He who comes to me shall not hunger. And if you eat of this bread. You shall live forever.’’

Key lyrics (again, right from the Gospel of John): “I am the resurrection, I am the life. If you believe in me, even though you die, you shall live forever.’’

I can’t even type “even though you die’’ without tearing up, but that is the core Christian message, the reason we celebrate a life well-lived.

Communion: “What Grace is Mine’’

“What Grace is Mine’’ is so powerful because it’s both classic and cutting edge, with new lyrics via Paul Getty to the timeless, moving classic “Danny Boy.’’

I’ve always loved “Danny Boy,’’ but I’m not Irish, and I don’t have any Daniels in my family, but “What Grace is Mine’’ adds the perfect message: That we are given the great gift of grace, that we were found and given mercy, “That I might live and in His name be known.’’

The lyrics are just what I want to tell my loved ones the last time we are in church together.

Key lyrics: “So I will go wherever He is calling me. I lose my life to find my life in Him. I give my all to gain the hope that never dies. I bow my heart, take up my cross, and follow Him.’’

Recessional: “I Believe/Ave Maria”

The “I Believe/Ave Maria’’ medley was the final song, sung by the combined choirs, at my high school’s spring concerts.

It’s been burned into my being since 1981, when our young teacher, Herm Clein, dying of cancer, returned to the stage to direct this song. It was the last time we saw him alive.

“Ave Maria,’’ (sung by the sopranos and altos) is the Latin version of the Hail Mary Prayer. “I Believe’’ was sung by the tenor and bass part. The central message: every time I hear a baby cry or touch a leaf or see the sky, “then I know why, I believe.’’

Key lyrics: “I believe for everyone who goes astray, someone will come to show the way… I believe above the storm; the smallest prayer will still be heard. I believe that someone in the great somewhere hears every word.’’

Closing: “Who do you say that I am?”

“Who You Say I am’’ is a newer song by Hillside Worship popular with all Christians.

I want my children to read some of these keywords and be comforted that, “I am chosen. Not forsaken. I am who You say I am. You are for me. Not against me. I am who You say I am.’’

Key lyrics: “Who am I that the highest King Would welcome me?… In my Father’s house, there’s a place for me. I’m a child of God. Yes, I am.’’

The Funeral Video (secular songs)

Religious services are becoming less standard as people lose their faith, but the funeral video (a slideshow of family photos) is becoming far more common and conventional. Here are my picks for snippets of songs I’d use in such a video:

You’re the Best Thing

Glady Knight and the Pips sang one of the best songs about loving sacrifice (“Midnight Train to Georgia”) and perhaps the most loving (still relevant) farewell song of all time with “You’re the Best Thing That Ever Happened to me.’’

Key lyrics: “If anyone should ever write my life story for whatever reason there might be. Oh, you’ll be there between each line of pain and glory cause you’re the best thing that ever happened to me.’’

When you say goodbye to your loved ones, you want them to know that they were the best part of your life and that everything happened for a reason: “for every moment that I’ve spent hurting, there was a moment that I spent, ah, just loving you.’’

Ever Homeward

You want your favorite singer in your video, preferably singing something that says a lot about you.

Frank Sinatra is my favorite singer, and I’m extremely Polish, and Sinatra happened to sing exactly one Polish song. It fits:

Made for the “The Miracle of the Bells,’’ and revived when Poland fought to overthrow communism, “Ever Homeward’’ is based on an old Polish folk song initially composed by Kazimierz Lubomirski in 1850.

The Polish lyric translates into, “Even if I don’t know what will be, my heart goes out to you. This is the home I dreamt of always there in the distance.’’ He then sings in English: “Ever homeward, over homeward, now the journey’s over.’’

Crossroads

One of my all-time favorite songs is Don McLean’s “American Pie,’’ which is a blast for karaoke (but more than eight minutes).

An even more moving song from the same album is “Crossroads,’’ about all roads leading to where we stand, that there is always the chance to start again and be made whole at any moment.

Key lyrics: “Can you remember who I was? Can you still feel it? Can you find my pain? Can you heal it? Then lay your hands upon me now. And cast this darkness from my soul. You alone can light my way. You alone can make me whole once again.’’

The Curtain Falls

Bobby Darrin died young (at 37), but he was legendary and his work is timeless.

“The Curtain Falls’’ is a perfect final goodbye song to end a show or a life, to tell your loved ones you enjoyed your life and did what you needed to do.

And it stresses they were the best part.

Key lyrics: “If I had this to do again and the evening was new again, I would spend it with you again, but now the curtain falls… People say I was made for this. Nothin’ else would I trade for this. And just think I get paid for this.’’

The song closes with Bobby speaking aloud: “Goodnight ladies and gentlemen and God love you, thank you.”