SELF IMPROVEMENT
The Key To Dealing With Anxiety Is To Accept It
The more you try to avoid it, the worse it gets
Stress, which afflicts millions of people every day, has one enemy: acceptance. The more we try to avoid it, the worse it gets. How can we reconcile with it?
It was not until the 1930s that US President Franklin Roosevelt aptly remarked: “The only thing we have to fear is fear itself”. It took many years to see the application of this wise saying in psychology and in the way we manage our stress.
Today, after so many psychology theories and even more other practical methods of solving problems, experts agree on one thing: “It’s OK, not to be OK. Accept your fears and anxieties so that you can manage them better”.
What does stress tolerance mean?
What is called Willful Tolerance in international terminology is nothing more than a process of dealing with stress through its acceptance, its “deliberate tolerance”.
When we practice “intentional tolerance”, we face our fears and accept our stress without trying to avoid it.
We do it with understanding and compassion for ourselves. Assuming that it is not bad to be afraid.
Why is “deliberate tolerance” important in dealing with stress? Because when we approach stressful situations by accepting our stress in advance, we train our brain to turn off the “fight or flight” response. To overcome anxiety disorders, we must be willing to put up with this temporary stress relief.
What are the 2 types of stress?
To understand the process of intentional tolerance, we need to distinguish between the two types of stress.
Let’s call stress the primary stress, which arises instantly when we are faced with threatening situations. Stress is the physical response to a threat. It is the red flag of danger that raises our nervous system. It is the “fight or flight” condition and is usually expressed with physical symptoms: tachycardia, shortness of breath, sweat…
Our secondary stress is a product of our minds. It’s all the negative thoughts we get at the idea of a threat. Are they all “what if this happens?” that we think. Excessive anxiety is usually the one that blocks us and creates a problem for us. If we start accepting it and not avoiding it, we have taken a big step towards managing it.
A mantra for anxious
The acceptance of stress was first taught by Dr. Claire Weekes, a general practitioner, and author, with the publication of her first book, Self Help For Your Nerves, in 1962. In it, Australian Weekes, who had also experienced anxiety problems, recognizes the avoidance of fear as a major cause of anxiety disorder and suggests ways to deal with it.
She argues that stress patients spend their time counterproductively and suggests a mantra consisting of 6 words for stress management:
- Face
- Accept
- Float
- Let time pass
This mantra is a stimulus to the parasympathetic nervous system to do its job and restore the body to a state of calm, what experts call homeostasis.
5 steps to practice stress tolerance
1. Recognition and acceptance
It’s not just OK not to be OK, it’s perfectly understandable and acceptable! It is normal to feel anxious. You are not alone.
2. Knowledge
Learn all about how stress works. Gather all the useful information about how the mind forms anxious thoughts.
3. Flexible thinking
Learn to follow the flow of things when you can not control them.
4. A healthy relationship with the threat
To create such a relationship, you need to logically consider the real chances of what you fear happening. In other words, practice rationalizing your fears.
5. Strategic solution without stress
Make plans to deal with stressful situations when you are feeling well and there is no threat. Evaluate whether they worked after the threat.
What you need to remember
Stress management is about secondary stress, the anxious thoughts that overwhelm us. They are the ones who not only intensify the symptoms in the face of a threat but also raise a new threatening situation in front of us.
- No one expects you to manage your stress right away.
- It can seem scary every time it overwhelms you. But remind yourself that there is no real danger.
- “Intentional tolerance” must be applied in conjunction with self-compassion.
- It is an important part of the puzzle so that the brain can be “reprogrammed” and not be intimidated by the thought of a single threat.
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