avatarMary DeVries

Summary

The article discusses the often overlooked positive aspects of menopause, emphasizing the freedom and benefits that come after the challenging perimenopausal phase.

Abstract

The piece, titled "The Joys of Menopause," takes a refreshing look at menopause, highlighting the upsides that are rarely discussed. The author acknowledges the difficulties of perimenopause, such as hot flashes, mood swings, and irregular periods, but focuses on the liberating aspects that follow. Once a woman has gone 12 consecutive months without a period, marking the end of perimenopause and the start of menopause, she can celebrate the end of period-related hassles, costs, and pain. The article also touches on the newfound sense of body confidence and personal freedom that menopause brings, allowing women to live life more on their own terms. The author reflects on the transition from parenting to an empty nest, embracing the opportunity for self-discovery and cherishing relationships without the pressures of fertility and child-rearing.

Opinions

  • Menopause is often unfairly stigmatized due to its challenging symptoms, but it also brings significant benefits that deserve recognition.
  • The irregularity of periods during perimenopause can be frustrating, but the end of menstruation is a cause for celebration.
  • The financial and physical burdens of menstruation are considerable, with the average woman spending thousands of dollars on menstrual products and pain relief over her lifetime.
  • The end of menstruation not only brings practical benefits but also emotional ones, such as the absence of pregnancy scares and the freedom to engage in life without the constraints of the menstrual cycle.
  • Menopause allows for a redefinition of one's relationship with their body, shifting focus from societal expectations to personal desires and achievements.
  • The author believes that menopause coincides with a phase of life where personal freedom increases, especially as children grow up and leave home.
  • Despite some lingering symptoms like hot flashes, the author expresses a positive outlook on post-menopausal life, cherishing both solitude and relationships in new ways.

The Joys of Menopause

Seriously, I mean it. There are a lot of upsides.

Photo by David Hofmann on Unsplash

“I am a woman of a certain age,” I explain as I suddenly start taking off my cardigan when everyone else is reaching to add another layer. What my perception of hot or cold is at any given point has very little correlation to actual room temperature.

Menopause gets a bad rap in my opinion. What with the hot flashes, mood swings, weight gain, insomnia, unpredictability, and occasionally very heavy flow that mark the perimenopausal years this is not surprising.

But once you come out the other side, there are some serious benefits that I think deserve celebrating.

Terms

First some clarification. If you are a menopausal woman feel free to skip ahead. You know all this already. But for an experience half of the population will go through at some point we spend very little time talking about the actual details and definitions.

Perimenopause refers to the time period when your body starts shutting down ovulation. It can be only a few months or last ten years with four years being about average. These are the difficult years when you might experience all those nasty symptoms listed above at their worst.

Perimenopause ends when you have gone 12 consecutive months without a period. At that point, you have reached menopause. Menopause is a stage you go through only in retrospect because once you have made it those 12 months you are considered post-menopausal for the rest of your life.

For most people, menopause brings a gradual lessening of symptoms as your body readjust. Hooray!

Eager Anticipation

If you start perimenopause at a normal age, usually somewhere in your 40s, and you aren’t hoping to get pregnant, once those symptoms start you are eager for menopause to just get on with it already. One cruel joke of perimenopause is the way your periods can become completely irregular. Just had your period start two weeks ago and it lasted for ten bloody days. Surprise, it’s back already.

Likewise, you’ve gone six months without a period. You are thrilled to be almost done with period mess and looking forward to an eventual end to the hot flashes. You hit the toilet for a quick bathroom break. Hello, it’s back again.

Glancing down at my undies in mingled hope and fear every time I use the toilet brought flashbacks to two other hormonally-driven periods of my life.

I was the final girl in my small eighth-grade class to get my period. I was embarrassed to be last but also dreading the mess and bother that I saw friends dealing with. It finally arrived and ushered in a monthly treat of debilitating pain that had me calculating out how many periods I would have in my lifetime.

Then of course there are the times I was actually hoping for pregnancy or fearing one at an inconvenient time. That moment before pulling down my pants and checking when just as Schrodinger’s cat is both alive and dead simultaneously until it is observed I could somehow be pregnant and not pregnant at the same time.

The last period I had happened while moving my youngest daughter into her college dorm. I found myself very grateful for the basket of free supplies in the student center restroom. I could almost feel the swirl of menstrual-related emotions seeped into the walls around me. How many a young coed has grabbed a tampon from that basket thanking her lucky stars that she isn’t pregnant after all or cursing the fact that this early-arriving period is going to mess with the hot date she has planned for tonight.

Joy

Which brings us back to the joys of menopause. Once you have gone a full year without menses let the partying begin.

No more period hassle.

After decades of always carrying supplies around it is a huge relief to realize you don’t need these products anymore. No longer will glancing at the calendar and figuring out if you need to stuff a box of tampons into your suitcase just in case be a part of vacation packing. Ditto to soaking blood out of your favorite panties, skipping sex or dealing with a mess, and making a drugstore run when that is the absolute last thing you feel like doing.

No more period costs

Do you know how much money the average woman spends over her lifetime on menstrual necessities? According to Dollars and Sense, approximately $17,000. Granted this includes a monthly budget for chocolates, tea, and regularly replacing your underwear and bedsheets. Even if you restrict the cost to just menstrual products and painkillers you are looking at $5600. Yikes!

No more period pain

Cramps are no joke. Pain and heavy bleeding lead to an average of nine days of lost work each year per woman.

No more period surprises

Periods like to arrive at the worst possible time. The day before my senior prom in high school mine started. I was going to wear a white dress. My best friend and I went into full-fledged crisis and planning mode. A cute little matching wrist purse was purchased. I could do this stain-free and my boyfriend none the wiser.

Until we checked our coats. “Why don’t you leave your purse with your coat?” he asked. “It will just be in your way if you don’t.” I panicked and couldn’t think of anything to say.

My best friend rescued me. “No one should try to separate a lady from her purse,” she said, hitting him lightly with her own. Crisis adverted.

If one of my own daughters had been in a similar situation I like to think there wouldn’t have been any hesitation to calmly inform the boyfriend that she needed to keep her tampons close at hand. We’ve become a lot more open about these things since my day.

On the other hand, when I told my daughter I was going to write about the joy of menopause she was horrified. “Why would anyone want to read that?” Please clap and share this to prove her wrong.

No more pregnancy scares

I praise my body for the way it was able to gestate, birth, and nourish three babies. I’m also grateful for the fact that all three of my pregnancies were roughly at the time of my choosing. But one cannot be a sexually active woman without a fear of pregnancy at the wrong time looming over your fertile years.

I’m ready to move on to hoping one of my children will gift me with grandchildren at some point in the distant future.

Yes, more body confidence

The joy of menopause isn’t just in the ends it brings, it is also about the new beginning. Even as my body ages and becomes less classically desirable in the eyes of society, I appreciate it more and more. It is my own. It has brought me many fantastic places and many memorable experiences.

I no longer define my body in relation to others. Is it desirable to men? Will it bear children? Am I outwardly pleasing? How do I use my hands and feet to serve others? I leave those questions behind.

What do I want to do with this body now? Where will it take me? How can I cherish it? How do I use it to shape and create the change I want to see in the world?

Yes, more personal freedom

For me, menopause coincided with the empty nest, at least until Covid came along to refill it temporarily. Along with freedom from periods, I gained freedom from the day-to-day life of parenting. No more hours spent in traffic ferrying teens from one crucial activity to the next. No more Friday nights being swallowed up by football games and marching band competitions.

Don’t get me wrong. I loved those hands-on parenting years and I miss them. But I’m also excited about the empty nest years ahead.

Yes, to living life for you

I am still tightly bound to those I love. My husband means the world to me as do my three children. But as I age, as I have left behind the birthing and child nurturing years, I’m entering into an age of equal companionship with those I love most.

My mother and I can now commiserate about the aches and pains of aging and letting children go. My husband and I have entire conversations that don’t include a single reference to our children. My daughter gives me advice on using social media and I give her advice on choosing an apartment and signing a lease.

I treasure our time together and I treasure my time alone. I am not sorry to be at this stage of life. I enjoy it.

All except for those dang hot flashes which still keep coming. Those I could do without.

You can find all of my stories about graceful aging here. Join Medium to read not just my stories but all the other fantastic content lurking around every corner. Use this link and I’ll get a small commission when you sign up.

Aging
Menopause
Feminism
Life
Self
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