The Journey to Recovery from a Mental Breakdown: Back to Step One
Re-sitting an exam on life lessons
In the past three weeks, I have been recovering well from the mental breakdown I experienced in April. I thought that I had left that world behind and headed on the way to a better, more balanced life. Well, recovery is not a stroll in the park. An event triggered another small collapse, meaning that I am again stuck (mentally and partly physically) and missing out events and on life as a whole.
The human brain sometimes cannot handle expectations and high demands. Old thoughts and fears start creeping in — a bit like flashbacks. The fact is that mental health problems do not go away easily, and it takes time to build up a new network of coping mechanisms. A couple of weeks is by far not enough to resolve issues that have built up over the course of many years.
As I said not long ago,
Nobody would try running with a broken leg. Why do we do it when our mental health needs treatment?
And this is precisely what I tried. I could feel progress and hope that life is getting better. I thought — or rather, I assumed wrong — that the road ahead was clear. No. It is not. Monsters can lurk behind the corner. The path might be blocked entirely. Or maybe even you need to get off the main path, walk around and then look for it again. The goal is clear. The delay does not affect the destination. The detour is temporary.
Revelation time
As I was writing, I realised that life is not what happens outside of the low moments. Re-building yourself is life, too. It is a critical set of life lessons that have not been mastered previously. Just like a student, one needs to re-sit the exam after failing it — as many times as necessary. Being a dropout is not an option. In that regard, education systems are more strict and demanding.
I may be missing out on an occasion that I could have participated in but I am busy being alive and learning how to live. Life is here and now. Even if here is the bottom of an endlessly deep pit.
This article is reposted on my other blogging and social profiles.
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