The Journey of Personal Growth

For anyone who wants to recognize what stage they are in and how to avoid the one that “traps” you.

Call it what you want. Self-help, self-improvement, personal growth or development, personal motivation, etc.

I write articles like these, articles where my sole intention is to reach out to what may be just one person who will listen.

I write to change lives. I write to help others not make the same mistakes I did or currently do. I write to try and help more people “wake up”—that we live our lives with intention instead of wandering around aimlessly.

I don’t always succeed. Matter fact, I probably hardly succeed.

But that’s okay. It’s a part of the journey of personal growth and the journey of my writing in general.

It’s all part of a long-winded journey of personal growth that only involves two stages:

The First Stage

The first stage of personal growth will take as long as you take. In fact, it’s highly likely that you may never leave this stage.

When first being exposed to self-improvement material—whether it be an article, book or audiobook, podcast, motivational video, etc—it’s likely that you’ll get stuck here for awhile.

Personal growth information has a very addictive quality to it. I speculate this is because for what may be the first time in our lives, we are being exposed to things that really question our meaning and purpose.

For the first time we are thinking: What the hell have I been doing all my life?

It’s likely that you are still in this first stage, absorbing any and every bit of information you see. You get trapped in a cycle of endless motivational articles, quotes, videos and books, and you just feel so good.

It feels so good to absorb all of this information, to think and reflect on your life and the future you want for yourself.

It feels so damn good.

It feels a little…too good.

The problem with this first stage is that it’s necessary to learn all of this information, but it’s too easy to get stuck in the “learning” instead of the “doing”.

It feels so good to take in all this advice, listening to the Les Brown and Gary V motivational videos with the inspiring soundtrack. It feels so good that it almost tricks us into thinking we are doing something.

I wouldn’t go as far to say that we are indeed tricked. A “trick” to me seems to let us off the hook. A “trick” seems to imply we had no idea what we walking into.

We aren’t fully tricked because we know we aren’t really doing anything or haven’t done enough. We are capable of being stuck and realizing that we got ourselves stuck by via our own doing, no one else’s.

We read the articles, and every now and then we come across the less “fluffy” ones that tell us we actually have to practice what is being said.

We actually have to put in the work over the long run. It’s going to be a hard road, and we know this. We’ve always known this, long before we even got into “self-help”.

Something about hearing it all again makes it refreshing, gives us some dopamine rushes perhaps or whatever. Even when we come across the hard truth being that we have to start applying what we learn, we ignore it.

We aren’t tricked, we are trapped. If it’s a good trick, you can’t see it. Though a trap can catch you off guard, there’s usually a way out. Sometimes you can see a trap from a mile away. This first stage is a trap that we willing walked into. A trap that, if not known about initially, we realize is a trap quite early in the process, and yet we stay anyway even though we’ve been given the escape route.

Self-help preachers like me are indirectly trapping you but purposely giving you the escape route. That’s because our intention was never for you to get trapped. If we could get you to do what we say with our words, if our words were enough—for those of us with good intentions—then you would move past the first stage straight into the second without falling in the hole.

Luckily, we put a ladder in case that happened. Strangely, not many take it. I’d imagine the hole is too comfortable (it’s not your ordinary hole).

We are stuck. And getting unstuck; getting out of the trap; realizing that this isn’t a trick, that everyone who is preaching personal growth has good intentions (most of them) and are only trying to help you move forward in life; is the hardest thing to do.

Getting out of the first stage of personal growth is harder than just quitting it all together.

After a point, you’re only reading and abosorbing the same information said differently anyway. You already know what to do. You just don’t do it.

Hell, I’m not even writing anything new, but I do it because each day I have new readers. Each day there is someone to provide this value to. This first stage, though it’s deceiving in ways, is still highly important.

It’s necessary. There are people out there who don’t even think about this stuff until it’s too late.

Consider yourself lucky that you’ve at least started thinking about your life and are at least trying to do something about it.

I have to do my part in spreading the knowledge.

I have to do my part in spreading what I know, though small, to as many people as I can.

I have to do my part in trying to help people avoid living with regret, trying to reach them before it’s too late.

I have to do my part in helping others reach this first stage and move past it efficiently.

There are a rare few who get it together right away. This first stage is necessary and pivotal. It is highly likely to take a while to get out of it, so knowing that, I need to help others get into it as soon as they can.

If you are even reading these words, you may have been in this stage too long.

The more and more you start doing, the less of this information you start consuming. Unless, you are looking for more refined growth and new approaches.

Self-help is all the same. Don’t stay longer than you need to.

I believe personal growth information is highly important yet detrimental. Make the most of this first stage by getting out of it.

The only way to get to that next stage and start seeing success is to practice what you absorb. Actually apply the information you are reading. Apply what I’m saying now.

Stop watching videos, listening to podcasts and audiobooks, reading articles and self-help books, etc. Just stop for a second at least.

Ask yourself if you’ve actually done anything. Have you?

Are you actually moving forward? Are you?

The Second (and Final) Stage That (Hopefully) Never Ends

You’ve probably guessed it by now, but the second stage is doing. The second stage is applying. The second stage is consuming personal growth material only because you have the time in your busy schedule of grinding, and perhaps there’s something you can do better, but you’ve pretty much got it.

You’re increasing your self growth exponentially. You’ve reached success.

Understand this: Both stages of growth are eternal (and in many cases simultaneous), but if you’re doing it right, you spend very little time in the first one in comparison to the second.

Your goal should be to live in the second stage. There shouldn’t be an ending to what you can do.

Both stages are eternal because even if you “left” the first stage, all that knowledge would still cloud your mind. You would think about it daily. Even on your deathbed, that stage has a way of reappearing and reminding you that all you did was listen to information you had no intention of applying. You simply consumed and absorbed like a sponge but didn’t squeeze out the water.

Regret is one of the worst feelings ever.

Perhaps the worst.

You will never truly leave the first stage, but you can dwell in the second.

You will thrive in the second.

Once you’ve actually started applying information and growing exponentially, you’ll wonder why you wasted so much time in the first stage.

You’ll wish you hopped on this sooner. Hell, maybe self-help material will start to make you sick.

Even though I write it, I agree, it’s mainly all fluff. Yet, people need to be motivated initially, they need to start thinking seriously about their lives.

But we all know that true motivation comes from action.

I try my best to get people to the other side by saying the hard, cold truth, but how much can I really do?

In this second stage, you’ll realize that it’s all about you. Always has been. You had to make the decision, and you are your own worst enemy.

Success is hard to reach because you are what’s stopping you.

In this second stage, you’ll come to love approaches that basically say “shut up and grind”. You’ll realize that all it took was hard, consistent, and patient work. Maybe a little more extra stuff (sometimes specific things pertaining to what you are doing), eventually, but these three things are all you need for right now that will take you a long way.

You’ll realize there are very few “tricks” to the trade. You’ll realize there aren’t any “shortcuts”.

Part of the reason we spend so much time in the first stage is because we are looking for shortcuts or “easy routes”, whether we realize it or not.

This thinking comes at the back half of that first stage. Eventually, nothing is new to us, and we are now just trying to find some easy information we feel comfortable with committing to.

The problem is we will never feel comfortable committing to growth, yet we search for that comfort anyway.

We always want to find some form of certainty. The problem is the road to success, the success you want for yourself, is full of uncertainties. The whole self-improvement “field” is full of uncertainty and lies.

If you want something certain, then this is all I can tell you that I know for a fact works:

Work hard. Very hard. If you do this, you will see some success.

That’s all I can guarantee. This working, this doing, comes from this second and final stage.

This stage should never end. You should always keep growing. You’ll realize that the journey was more fun. There’s something so heart-warmingly special and fulfilling about achieving a goal that was once so far ahead of you. The journey of transforming yourself into a person you or others hardly recognize is truly amazing. “Amazing” doesn’t even feel like the right word—we so often say things are amazing that aren’t. But this, this journey of growth, is one of the most amazing things out there.

You’ve done something that you’ve secretly thought was impossible. You won’t ever admit it, but you’ve always had the doubt that you weren’t capable of achieving your dreams.

This second stage is filled with beauty and fulfillment and…life.

Don’t waste your time hating yourself and regretting your actions in the first stage. Don’t stay any more longer than you have to. Chances are, if I had to guess, you’ve been in the first stage for too long.

If you’ve already hit this second stage, if you are already grinding and applying everything you learn (that’s worth keeping) and are reading this for something new, I hope I’ve at least helped you to remember how you never want to fall back into the “first stage trap”.

You either work to become something you’re not but want to be or die as you are.

Stop thinking you’re going to live forever. Maybe you don’t, but too many of us act like we are.

Don’t wait until it’s too late to realize it’s too late. Especially since you are aware of the trap and know you have the power to escape this.

I’ll be here to remind you, each and every day, until you are ready for that next stage. And “ready” couldn’t come soon enough.