Illumination Writing Challenge

The Jealousy Trap

Significant risk, minimal reward

When Dr Mehmet Yildiz threw out a topic, seemingly at random, to generate a collection of stories on the same theme it seemed like a good idea. I made a mental note to take it on myself and included it in my daily update of challenges.

It wasn’t until I contemplated what, exactly, I would write about that I realized the brilliance of his selected topic: jealousy. It might have been random, but I am going to assume it wasn’t and that the good doctor had some insights up his sleeve when he asked folks to weigh in on the topic.

I consider this to be true because I believe that we are beset with opportunities to experience and practice jealousy at an unprecedented rate in our history. For all of the massive benefits of technology, and specifically the internet, the definite downside is the negative effect social media can create with people.

It is no secret that social media is exceptionally good at highlighting the extraordinary and novel. Most people realize the result of this is that we are constantly bombarded with images of people living their best lives; while never seeing the pictures of the downer events, or even the boring and mundane.

This phenomenon creates a natural breeding ground for envy and jealousy, for just look how well everyone else is doing. Sally got a new car, Phil is in Hawaii, Paul has a new granddaughter — isn’t she adorable, etc.

We desire to be as fulfilled as everyone else’s pictures appear. And, this doesn’t only affect the naïve or unaware. Even knowing this to be true, we can’t help our subconscious feelings when we are so constantly bombarded by such images.

We Medium writers have our own special brand of jealousy hell we have heaped upon ourselves. We look at the “success” of other writers and wonder why the world (i.e. readers, fans, and of course, dollars) isn’t flocking to our door as willingly as they seem to be freely lining up at others’?

Surely the “I Made a Million Dollars in Three Days” articles don’t help, but even absent those, we can’t help comparing our successes to others. We subconsciously note how many claps others have and envy the bevy of comments their writing invites.

We know that our writing is just as good (better in fact) as theirs. So why aren’t we getting the traction they are? Why are they so lucky and special, and when will I get mine?

The other reason that this jealousy topic is so poignant is that there, really, is no immunity or easy cure. Simple awareness does not abate our susceptibility to the jealousy trap.

The best answers are the most extreme, and therefore not practical for everyone. Going on a permanent social media purge will allow you to escape the endless pictures from the Joneses, but anyone that is writing, or running any other sort of business can’t afford to ignore social media because of its advertising possibilities.

Equally abrupt, but 100% effective, for eliminating the Medium envy bug is never going on Medium. Simple, but exceptionally difficult if you want to write; or be read.

So, what can we do? Incremental steps are our only options really. Not a complete panacea, but they can offer some relief.

The first one is a slightly easier pill to swallow: remove all social media apps from your phone. I know Instagram is very app-centric, so that one you may just have to hide deep in a folder so that you don’t instinctively open it when bored.

For all the rest, take the app off your phone and only access Facebook, Pinterest, Twitter and whatever else from your computer. I find that I am much less likely to idly flick through social media when I have to go to the computer and log on to do so.

I am much less likely to succumb to viewing a string of “best life ever” photos or political vitriol if it isn’t available at my fingertips 24/7. The Medium angle is a little tougher, but doable:

Don’t look at your stats.

What? Blasphemy of the highest order! I know; but hear me out. It works really well. In May I challenged myself to not look at my stats all month. It was tough, but I stuck it out. Then, the most important thing was that I didn’t go back to looking at my stats daily.

Instead, I only look at my stats on Friday mornings when Medium sends me a weekly update. I check out the update, look at my earnings, allow myself to play around in the statistics a bit; then I shut it down until the next Friday.

It may not seem like it, but this is amazingly freeing. By doing this for 2 ½ months now I have weaned myself off of the depressing troughs and wild highs of the rollercoaster that is the daily (hourly, every ten minutes) stat check.

Now I just see a trend line snapshot and not the peaks and valleys. That helps me feel better about myself and my progress toward my own personal goals, but it has another happy side effect.

I now see other people’s snapshot successes (whether they are in the form of a million-dollar article, or just a bunch of claps/replies) as just that — snapshots. One of the peaks in a series that assuredly also includes many valleys.

So. Many. Valleys. Not because they suck, or because I suck, but because that is how things work. In Medium, just like in life, there are plenty of valleys — for everyone.

It’s not a cure all, as I mentioned. But it is better. I still get little twinges of jealousy when I see someone craft that perfect article and get lots of attention. I have always been able to ultimately reconcile that and then feel happy for the person. Now, though, that little jealousy twinge is much shorter, just a fleeting instant, and the general sense of gratitude and well-being settles in much quicker.

I have found that just a couple of minor tweaks can go a long way to sending the green-eyed monster merrily on his way down the path to elsewhere. Hopefully you are already there in your journey, but if not, then hopefully my methods might be inspirational in some manner for you.

Thanks Dr Mehmet Yildiz for supplying us with this meaningful and calculated prompt!

If you like this, you might like some of my other recent writing, including my July daily roundup of writing challenges:

And a recent poetic response to a prior challenge:

And another more spontaneous poem:

Timothy Key spent over 26 years in the fire service as a firefighter/paramedic and various fire chief management roles. He firmly believes that bad managers destroy more than companies, and good managers create a passion that is contagious. Compassion, grace and gratitude drive the world; or at least they should. Follow me on Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter, and join the mail list.