The Iranian Women Must Fight Before Getting To Love Themselves

It's a question of survival

Women's issues were never my main goal on Medium, but, like any other discrimination cases, they were often referred to in my stories.

In this article, however, I decide to talk about women's rights and freedom directly. And there are two reasons why I make that decision.

On the one hand, I am so overwhelmed by the nonhuman treatments that so many women are receiving in Iran that I couldn't help but use the mediums I have to help spread their revendication.

On the other hand, as I was drafting my most recent article, the question of womanhood kept coming to my mind as if lack of self-love and discrimination against women were somehow connected.

Furthermore, I have come to understand that the Iran movement is a solidified act of self-love coming from women who are not afraid to cut their hair so they can prove that they are more than their beauty or to take part in demonstrations despite the physical and moral acts of violence that can be used against them.

Why do women thrive so much to love themselves?

1) Women were not allowed to love themselves despite being the core of genuine love

Caring and nurturing are the roots of everything else; we can't perform any activity if we don't eat properly, have a clean space, or have been taken care of as a child. For me, a person who helps you or your loved ones meet those basic needs is the one who gives you the sincerest proof of love.

Women have always been the social group who most performed care-related activities (nannies, caregivers, etc.). We should have been proud of ourselves for having been the center of it all. However, we were seen as inferior, as if doing good to people were a bad thing.

Nevertheless, we were not allowed to perform other activities in which we could have probably proven that we have the kind of intelligence that society valued.

Even though nowadays it has become easier for women to excel in different activities, the stigma we suffered from for years is still instilled in many women who think they are not clever or strong and should not stand up for themselves.

Furthermore, in many countries and places, works that women have traditionally performed are still undervalued, with sometimes no or little legal recognition.

2) Anyone can love us, but we can't love ourselves

When I was 15, someone said, "I will defend any woman who is in distress if they don't pretend that they can help themselves." As if women should let suffering destroy their lives passively, waiting for some savior to help them out.

I think that everyone deserves to be loved and that we should take care of the most vulnerable ones. However, telling someone they don't have to try to help themselves when they probably could is very toxic. Besides, no one on earth should love you more than yourself.

When you don't love yourself, you allow people to take credit for your achievements, take advantage of you, undervalue your work, manipulate you, and own you as if you were any other extensions of themselves. And that's what has happened to many women, and it continues to happen till this day.

Moreover, women can't have fun in many places unless they are with their partners or family member. They are asked to laugh and talk a certain way, even though that's not their natural style and personality. Under this circumstance, their joy is measured, and must depend on someone else. That's sufficient to make any person feels that they can't love themselves.

3) Complex inferiority

In many cases, self-hatred is the cost that a minority person should pay to feel at least a sense of belonging, especially outside their community. Even within their group, they can feel that they are outsiders.

Because supremacy is not only about making a specific group feel inferior, but it's also about dividing this group into micro-groups where a certain gradation is established and reinforcing a sense of individualism where most members of that group think they should be superior to the others.

Most institutions were not made for women. Even when we were present, we were most likely invisible and silenced; otherwise, we had to wear the men's masks.

Our work was not made public, and at the same time, we were depicted as less clever, second gender, and weak… when we had always worked hard for our families and society.

Moreover, from childhood to adulthood, women have been taught to act as an oppressed group, and they have unconsciously taught younger women how to be inferior.

Women suffer from ancestral and multigenerational oppression, which is justified by faith and religion in most cases. That's why, despite all the past movements and protests, modern women still need to work harder than men before getting to love who they are.

Despite everything, self-love is crucial.

We have come so far, but the journey has not ended. As women in Iran are urging for their basic rights, women all around the globe need to solidify their self-love and the rights and access they have.

Western women need to be grateful for what they have achieved, in that their condition is far better than the average women living in other parts of the world.

Nevertheless, having the opportunity to accomplish any social and economic activity is not the only component of happiness and self-achievement. We must foster our self-love and help each other to be confident. And yet we need the help and support of men because a woman's happiness is never beneficial to only herself. It will be transmitted to her family, our society, and future generations.