The Intersection of Complex Trauma and the Victimhood Narrative
Revising the storyline to move towards empowerment
My recovery from complex trauma was beset by difficulties, especially when it came to relinquishing my status as the perennial injured party. After all, there was so much truth to the pain which underscored that designation. Recurring betrayal and traumatic abuse calcified into paranoia, grueling symptoms and primitive psychological defenses. Subsequently, my pursuit of intimate relationships was fueled by a desperate longing for protection and love while simultaneously steeped in fears of abandonment and exploitation.
Given all I endured it was inevitable that the lens through which I perceived the world would be tainted by danger.
Under these conditions, it felt impossible to move past my righteous indignation as a wronged person to a place of acceptance and responsibility. Truth is, I simply didn’t have any other way to conceptualize and work through my hardship. I felt broken, outraged, and very afraid. Glorifying my suffering offered me a feeble identity. It was my story. I believed there was nothing else.
Although it is obvious that there are circumstances of victimization, such as calculated cruelty, violent physical assault and child abuse that contradict shared responsibility, there are also circumstances in which discord and conflict have more to deal with the complexity of differences than an intent to cause deliberate harm. Nevertheless, this distinction is difficult to discern when victimhood takes root.
Lacking the insight to discern what was mine and what belonged to another kept me polarized in a victim complex, a condition which highlights unremitting persecution and suffering. Moreover, until I addressed my underlying shame, humiliation, lack of life skills, poor judgment, erratic impulses, and desperation I could not see how I contributed to that narrative. I could only see myself as a casualty of abuse. This kept me tethered to a one-dimensional, bleak analysis of myself and life.
Anyone plagued by complex-PTSD knows all too well that a victim complex and trauma are closely interconnected, often influencing and reinforcing each other. The reason is that chronic trauma, as opposed to an acute traumatic episode, has developmental repercussions that shape one’s sense of self and worldview.
Humanistic psychologist Abraham Maslow’s premise that the basic provision of safety facilitates secure bonding and a stable sense of self, supports the notion that traumatic experiences disrupt dependable attachment and the formation of a cohesive embodied self. Rather, diffusion and fragmentation of the personality occur.
These early life experiences of prolonged adversity, abuse, or neglect are internalized as powerlessness, helplessness, and worthlessness, which with time and repetition can culminate in a victim complex. Feeling broken and damaged and consumed by nihilistic despair, the victim of complex trauma loathes the tenuous self that is hijacked by fear.
Emotional dysregulation expresses itself as intense fear, anger, shame, or dissociation. These struggles exacerbate the individual’s sense of victimhood, as they are ill equipped to cope with overwhelming feelings of vulnerability and insecurity. Inevitably, this harrowing state of turmoil makes it difficult to see oneself as capable, competent, or even deserving of positive outcomes.
Along with a wounded self identity, thought patterns characterized by negative self-talk and self-blame engender cognitive biases that are reinforced by hyper-vigilance and a heightened sensitivity to perceived threats or injustices. Pervasive assumptions that one will forever be a victim of bad circumstances that cannot be prevented or remedied, comprise the victim mindset. Moreover, the conviction that ‘no one will ever care’ reinforces the victim complex, making it challenging for the individual to break free from learned helplessness and catastrophic thinking.
Consequently, the individual who believes they are destined to be a mark for abuse is prone to interpret neutral or ambiguous situations as evidence of their victimization. These constraints are a breeding ground for the proliferation of both victimization and a mindset of victimhood. Yet, the irony is that in practical terms, many of these pessimistic beliefs are accurate.
The world is not just. Life is not fair. People can be dangerous.
However when these truths are generalized a basic trust in humanity is corroded. Most critical, when an all encompassing sense of victimhood takes over, the ability to establish a modicum of safety is impeded. Consequently, interpersonal dynamics characterized by equanimity, respectful dialogue and boundaries cannot be realized.
As pervasive feelings of victimization infiltrate relationship dynamics, communication breakdowns, power imbalances, resentment and difficulty resolving conflicts ensue. The victimized individual may feel they need others to protect or support them, leading to an imbalance of power in their relationships. This can sometimes lead to controlling behaviors from either party as they seek to maintain a sense of security or control over the relationship dynamics.
Moreover, the victimized individual may perceive innocent remarks or actions of another as further evidence of victimization, leading to defensiveness, arguments, or withdrawal. Interpreting others' actions through a lens of victimization leads to a self-reinforcing cycle of negative behaviors and perceptions.
Persistent feelings of victimization foster resentment and anger within all types of relationships. The victimized individual may harbor resentment towards significant people in their life for not providing enough support or understanding, while those being condemned may feel frustrated or unfairly blamed for circumstances beyond their control. Furthermore, if one or both participants feel victimized, they may withdraw from the relationship emotionally or physically as a coping mechanism.
All things considered, my experience as both a complex trauma survivor and a trauma-informed clinician has shown me that working through a victim complex is essential to healing and recovery. Over-identifying with victimization keeps one isolated from the larger world. In fact, looking back I recognize that in many ways my victim persona became a substitutionary front for dignity and worth. It became a badge of superiority.
Nevertheless, decades of recovery made it clear that if I was to fully know myself apart from my suffering, then it was essential to cultivate relationships and perspectives that lived outside of that narrative. Hence, sustaining a robust recovery required taking an honest look at how the victim complex fueled the need to blame, hold onto grievances and abdicate personal responsibility, particularly when it came to examining my role in mobilizing destructive dynamics.
Indeed, differentiating the reality of victimization from destructive patterns of unceasing blame and disempowerment, so as to redirect the focus on one’s own behavior and choices is a crucial task for those committed to a productive process of healing and growth.
In order to overcome the grip of both the victim complex and complex trauma so as to heal and thrive, a comprehensive approach that integrates trauma-informed therapy, cognitive-behavioral techniques, bodywork, and psychodynamic interventions is warranted. Healing involves not only processing past traumas. It also entails challenging maladaptive beliefs and behaviors related to victimization.
Above all, the victim turned survivor is summoned to cultivate basic life skills, such as assertiveness, instinctual discernment and discrimination, so that personal authority and power can be embodied. By encouraging self-awareness, building resilience, and fostering a sense of empowerment individuals can gradually reclaim agency over their lives and relationships. An essential part of this objective is the willingness to give up false hopes of rescue or redemption.
Although this step is critical to finding real hope it is a difficult ordeal as victimization often demands some sort of justice. For this reason, survivors typically cling to fantasies of compensation for their suffering, even if it’s just an apology. Yet nothing can truly compensate for years of unbearable pain and the fixation on an external source of restitution only perpetuates suffering, because it keeps one focused on their powerlessness, not on what inspires liberation.
Ultimately when the compensation and justice desired never materializes, the survivor still has to decide how to move on with their life. This calls for accepting that not all things can be remedied. It necessitates differentiating the truth of past victimization and helplessness so that agency can be reclaimed in the present.
Buddhist monk and peace activist Thích Nhất Hạnh imparted, “The lotus cannot be there without the mud.”
These words encourage us to recognize that it is the suffering borne of our victimization that can potentially awaken us to new life. However, unless we take responsibility for our victimization by grieving innumerable losses, accepting harsh realities and exhuming and refining instinctual aggression, the destructive nature of victimhood will tenaciously persist and volitional life affirming choices will be stifled.
It’s also crucial to consider that although moving past being identified as a victim to being a survivor is a milestone, it is not the apex of recovery.
Jungian analyst and author, Dr. Clarissa Pinkola Estes explains in Women Who Run with the Wolves, “Being able to say that one is a survivor is an accomplishment. For many, the power is in the name itself. And yet comes a time in the individuation process when the threat or trauma is significantly past. Then is the time to go to the next stage after survivorship to healing and thriving.”
In the final analysis, the victim who has embraced thriving knows that there’s nothing noble about holding onto suffering as a way of feeling righteous. It denies you your own life, and it denies the world what you are capable of giving.