The Importance Of Finding A More Empathetic Way Of Saying ‘You’re Fired’
I have some bad news for you. Today is your last day here.
‘This is a difficult task for me to do. I am afraid we will no longer require your services and we will let you go. We appreciate all the hard work you did for us.’
How many of you had to listen to these terrible words?
I don't think there is a right way to let someone go, or a way to do it nicely. I am not a manager and I am happy I will never have to do it. Yet, after supporting some of my friends who have been fired, and listening to the conversation they had during those difficult moments, I realized that there must be a way to show respect, using more suitable words. Here are some real life examples.
-A friend of mine was told: we need to terminate you, but you are more than welcome to come and visit us whenever you like. The manager tried to hug her, and she ran away.
-Another friend was reminded of the mistakes he made ten years before, that were never mentioned before, and that he had forgotten.
-Another friend received the news via email, the letter was attached to the email and she was afraid of opening it, she thought it was a spam. It was worse.
-Another colleague received the news via email from his boss. They had met 10 minutes before the email, and the boss didn’t mention it. In the email, he just stated the legal rights and benefits that were still available.
-Another one, found out he was being fired because he noticed that his name was no longer on some suppliers references, so he called the supplier to correct the mistakes, and they told him the news.
Yet, my ex-colleagues and I remember when a manager we worked with, had to fire a small group of people among us. He asked us how we preferred to receive the communication, and after receiving the letters with the names of the people he had to let go, he did as requested. He was sorry and upset, and we were sorry for him. He made us all feel his empathy, and we still love and respect him for what he did to the entire team.
In fact, how you treat people on their way out the door shows what kind of leader and person you are, and it is noticed by the rest of the organization. You will be remembered especially for the way you treated people in their difficult moments.
There are many reasons why a manager needs to fire a team member, yet I think some of these behaviors need to be taken.
1.Show compassion and respect
Every empathetic person can understand how losing a job will impact a spouse, children, and others who are blameless. It is important to be empathetic and supportive when sharing this news with your employee. You’re telling someone that he’s no longer getting a paycheck and that when he wakes up in the morning, he has no place to go. You are changing his life.
Being fired affects a person’s self-esteem and makes a person feel less important, less valuable. Not to mention the economical consequences it has on a family.
2.Give them warnings
Rather than terminating an employee right away, give them a chance to prove their value. Offer them guidance as they develop their skills and learn to meet your expectations.
3.Keep it private
Schedule a private, one-on-one meeting with this employee to discuss their termination. After the conversation, be discreet. Only share this information with those who need to know it.
4.Explain your reasoning
Explain why you are letting them go. This simple courtesy will help this employee grow in their career and hopefully improve what they need to work on. Try to give them some gentle advice for their future career opportunities.
5.Help them find new opportunities
If you are terminating an employee on good terms, especially if it is due to budget cuts and not their performance, help them get connected to another employer. Sharing your contacts can help them find employment again. Offer your support: letters of recommendation, networking contacts, and introductions to people in the industry are all ways to help someone begin their job search.
6.Listen to what they have to say
While your decision needs to be final, you can allow them to explain themselves. Show that you are open to listening to what they have to say. Try to give them constructive feedback based on what details they are sharing with you.
Leadership demands compassion, you were the agent of a painful situation that is taking place in this person’s life. Don’t run away after the conversation, be prepared to speak as needed and answer questions.
Here are some phrases that may be considered respectful.
- We are downsizing the company.
- We are restructuring our department.
- We are outsourcing your role.
- We need to reduce our headcount.
On the contrary, these sentences may not be felt as respectful.
1.We think you would be better off working for another company.
2.We feel that your skills would be better elsewhere.
3.You should start to pursue other job opportunities.
4.We think you’d be happier elsewhere.
Unfortunately people lose their job, and someone has to give the bad news. A good leader needs to be empathetic, and keep in mind that the person who is being let go is first of all a person with a family, a dignity and self-esteem that need to be respected.
What is your experience? Did you go through one of these difficult moments? Were you the manager, or the employee? Please share them in the comments.
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