The Impact Narcissism Has On Our Emotions

Growing up with narcissism present in our lives has many impacts. One of those is the way we relate to our emotions and how lonely we feel in our trauma.

I identified so much with the victor, you know, the heroic one made of steel. Hurting my feelings? Please, don’t worry about it.

In fact, I am sorry you’re sorry.

I pretended to not care because that was the only way I knew how to handle what I felt. To pretend it’s not there and maybe it will go away. Some of you must recognize this, right? I mean, don’t leave me hanging here.

I have always been a very sensitive person and growing up; it was something I felt punished for.

Why was my nature so wrong?

This must mean that anything I feel is wrong and I should be ashamed of myself for feeling it in the first place.

I used to have the belief that everything was my fault. It felt easier that way. Someone keeps blaming you, and instead of fighting against it, you agree. At least it feels like the war is over, but we only keep it silent from the rest of the world.

Obviously, I grew up being the type that kept everything bottled. I kept it so hidden that I seemed to fool myself as well. This is self-gaslighting. It’s painful, and you end up hating yourself because you cause your own suffering.

It’s the part of us that relates to vulnerability the way our parents did.

So, if we had parents that abandoned us when we were hurting. Guess what? We learned to abandon ourselves. Not out of malice, but that’s the only way we know how to handle it.

When we accept how betrayed we felt by the people closest to us, we face the fact that sometimes in life we are actual victims. By accepting and processing this, we heal and can grow from it. If we don’t, deep down, we will always have this untended festering emotional wound. Trying its best to get our attention.

This is the first step in re-parenting ourselves. Now we can apply new healthy strategies when we feel hurt.

Abandoning ourselves keeps us in unhealthy situations for too long. Because what happens when we keep gas-lighting ourselves? We end up at war with ourselves.

Feelings come up for a valid reason. If we ignore them, we never make the necessary changes they ask us to make.

Slowly but surely, I started opening up to the people I could find that at least had a little safety in their aura. Soft-hearted people that genuinely cared about my feelings. They listened, and I will never forget them. They saved my life.

I learned that everything I feel is valid and I sit down to hear every message my feelings have to say. Choosing myself when I felt abandoned by the world was the best decision I ever made. And I still keep choosing this every day.

We have the power to choose in our lives. The power to choose who gets to be part of our lives.

The relationships I want to experience are the deep kind. Those where you are free to break down in someone’s arms and not have them question your sanity. Or the type where you can share your deepest fears without the other person downplaying them. I want to be that person myself. A safe person.

Life is more than happy moments. It is also scary experiences that can be less scary when we feel like we are not going through them alone.

Like I wrote in one of my previous stories. In genuine connections, there is always a freedom inherent. Freedom to fully be ourselves.