The Illusion of Friendship is Almost as Deceptive as the Illusion of Marriage

You’ll be labeled as naive by some — for whichever one you believe in.

Upon doing a little research before writing this, I quickly ran into some individuals seeking help on Quora. The header read:

Married life and children can kill friendships. People flock to who they are most like. I am single, no kids and have been “abandoned” by those with both. The single and childless friend isn’t welcome as most events require a date of some sort. It’s not that your friends likely mean to do it, that is just how it works out.

In a way, I’m glad that some people came to their senses. But this is only half-truth.

Friendship never existed. Yes, we as human beings need companionship, but this is nature speaking, not our often-poisonous personalities and egos.

Deep within each human being, friendship is yearned for. The reason it seldom exists once a marriage is in the picture is because so many life changes happen in such a short amount of time.

Me personally? Weddings make me sick. The bride wears an expensive dress she’ll wear for only a few hours while friends with [what seems to be] jealous gazes stare at the couple dancing as they sip their liquid poison.

I always wore black to weddings back when I attended them. I did that because it was a farewell tour. I was most likely never to see that friend again.

98% of the time, this bore truth. That shit was sad.

So I stopped going to those damn things. Depressing as shit.

Admit it (or don’t, I don’t care about your denial), after every wedding, a close friend will bid you farewell. Sometimes forever, sometimes for a few years.

Remember way back in the day during middle school when your best friend hooked up with someone for the first time? You were literally kicking rocks in the street the next day.

It’s like that but magnified disrespect to a thousandth power.

It’s an ugly truth. Especially if, say, two girlfriends had gone through so much together as youths.

Those ugly parties we all attended where one could have gotten taken advantage of but our friend was there to save us.

Or that time you and your buddy tried a certain drug for the first time, and your friend ended up faking it so that they can keep an eye on you.

How about that time you both took your first flight together and one of you pooped your pants? Your friend promised not to tell anyone and take it to the grave.

It’s sad because it’s all an illusion. What was important then (be it dignity, safety, or companionship) is no longer important now.

Now? Marriage is your life now.

Even if you vow not to “disappear” on your bestie, it’ll still happen.

You begin to travel more. You start to have kids. You may even move away because of a job or because your in-law's family lives in Utah.

That’s just the way it is. It’s not possible to see your best friend when they're married, with kids, living four States away.

Let’s pretend that they don’t have kids and remain local.

It still won’t be the same.

Maybe the spouse doesn’t like you or vice versa. Maybe the spouse doesn’t like the way his or her partner acts when they’re around you.

I haven’t even mentioned the difference in job class, hobbies, religious beliefs, or even something as minuscule as diets.

The truth is that you’ll never find someone exactly like you. So when you get married to someone, these tiny differences end up taking over your married life.

Thus, your friend who you used to eat ice cream with every weekend will no longer be around. Your spouse's strict diet doesn’t include ice cream.

This isn’t about the ice cream. I’m trying to make a point here.

One of my father’s best friends was his best man.

Not only that, he became my sister’s godfather.

As soon as my father was married, and as soon as his friend was as well — poof. They disappeared from each other's lives.

At this point, they lived in different States as well, which didn’t help the situation.

The time gap widened so much with both of their absences, that when my father passed away, his best friend didn’t even attend the funeral. His wife didn’t allow it.

As for me? I speak from experience. But I’m not going to talk about that here. They just might be reading this and that makes me feel uncomfortable.

Let’s just say that we were inseparable during weekends for over a decade until the single life sprouted into a relationship with someone which sprouted into a wedding of which I found out the date of 8 months later.

There — I don’t feel so bad now.

But hey, don’t misunderstand me, though. Sometimes friendships do work, sure.

But that only means that the marriage will tilt a bit sideways.

Every single time I’ve seen a beautiful, solid friendship last through one or both friends’ marriages, it’s the marriage that begins to weaken.

Both friendship and marriage can’t remain strong.

As mentioned in my previous post where I spoke to a divorce lawyer, 55% of marriages end in divorce.

One of the 192 reasons that were read to me was this: One or both parties spend too much time away from the spouse, indulging in extracurricular activities, thus weakening the foundation of a marriage that once was strong.

No shit. It’s not possible to give to others as strong as one receives in this game called life.

But I ask you, why would you want both? If you’re single, you’re lucky to have an amazing friend. Hell, that may just be why you’re single!

If you’re married, just shut your mouth and be grateful. Me? I don’t believe in that shit. But if you have an amazing husband or wife, you’re considered a very small percentage.

So what if your friend has bailed on you because you got hitched and suddenly your marriage begins to fall apart?

You know what that’s called?

Very common.